I've had threads here before. I've NC'ed to post this because I'm paranoid.
I know there are things that I'm not allowed to post on MN, so I'm trying to temper my language which is kinda difficult at the minute. Maybe this isn't the best place to be posting. I don't have anywhere else I can say anything though; the Samaritans take hours to reply if you email them.
I've had severe anxiety for years; I can't go outside or use the phone. I don't see people, literally, any people. I have absolutely nothing in my life. I do have family (no children, so please don't worry on that score) but we don't talk much anymore. I'm a pretty toxic person so I've tried to separate our lives.
I'm not really a person anymore. I go through the motions every day and it's all so incredibly futile.
What are you supposed to do when you've realised that there is literally no point in you being alive?
Why not try to do something useful for someone else? It'll help your self esteem at the same time: win-win. I'm no expert, and it sounds as though you've a lot on your plate, but don't give up on yourself. Best thing you could do now is go to sleep and start again tomorrow. Do small things and the rest will follow. So, up, dressed, healthy breakfast, get some fresh air, and do something useful even if it's just putting a load of washing on. Small steps....
Well Horrible you are a person. You're a person I wish well, even though we will never meet. Life can be crap sometimes. But capable of transforming surprisingly quickly. Maybe tomorrow the sun will shine. And even though most of it remains crap, maybe, just maybe, the sunshine will illuminate a moment of beauty. A colourful Autumn leaf. Or something.
Here's the thing. I've never met you. But I care how you're doing, and wish you well.
I can do that. I don't think there's anything desperately exciting outside my window, but nature is pretty remarkable in it's own right.
As for things you get right, you're already doing them. Trying to help someone else when you're clearly not feeling okay yourself is a big thing. I hope you're doing alright, please take care of yourself
Have you exhausted all medication? I am by far no expect on any of this but i have felt like you only luckily for me it was a shorter time and i was able to get out. It seems like you have to start out with TINY things. And it seems like you are going to have to force yourself and fight against yourself to do the opposite if what you currently want to do or feel safe doing which is staying in and being on your own. Do you have any pets? Or do you like them? If you live near me i would happily visit you too if youd like that, i just moved to a new place and have no friends or family either!!
I have a telephone phobia too and in the past I’ve called several times and either totally clammed up or hung up without talking but I can do it now and find them a huge source of support. It helps me but I understand it might not be right for you.