Stopped taking citalopram, scared I may need it

[LittleMummy90]

Hiya, I took Sertraline daily for 2 years from the age of 19 at I think 20mg a day. Bf at the time convinced me to come off them - well essentially he made me feel so embarrassed about being on meds that I stopped taking them! 1-2 years later I had a horrific breakdown. I was going out every weekend and drinking a lot, I was under a lot of pressure at work and having money troubles. I lost the plot at a house party and turned on everyone! Screaming, crying, shouting etc. I eventually passed out, but even the next morning I was still trying to argue. I went to the GP and explained how low and anxious and paranoid I was and was prescribed propranolol and citalopram which I took for 5 years (citalopram consintently and Propranolol only when anxiety was bad). I varied between 10mg-40mg of citalopram, but when I decided to begin weaning myself off citalopram at the beginning of this year I was on 40mg. I took it very slowly over the course of around 6 months, lowering by 10mg each month. Then spacing the doses and then completely stopping. I felt a bit crap at first. Nauseous, brain zaps, couldn't focus, disorientated. But nothing mental or emotional, mentally and emotionally I felt fine. 1 week ago I started feeling extremely anxious about a situation I was in and I crashed. I was panicking, physical symptoms of anxiety were awful and I didn't go to work for 3 days. I saw the GP, my counsellor, but nothing was enough. I would be ok for a minute but mostly I'd be shaking, feel physically sick, mind racing, that horrible feeling in your stomach and fast beating heart. On Monday morning, the GP prescribed me 40mg propranolol and advised I could take up to 3 a day. Since Monday, I've felt anxious during the day but ok in the evening. The mornings have been horrendous and I just don't want to get out of bed. But this evening I've felt rubbish again. I hate my house - there's nothing happened to make me hate it but I now associate it with this horrible bout of anxiety. I can't find any comfort here and it feels like a prison (I also have a little one and no social group so no chance of getting out most evenings). I'm anxious about everything, even creating scenarios. I'm panicking that I'll never be happy and maybe there's something permanently wrong with me that means I must go back on the antidepressants (I felt such an achievement weaning myself off, like I was finally sorting my life out). I'm in my late 20s but worrying that I'll never live a fulfilled life and what if I feel like this again in the future - that I'm terrified of because this bout of anxiety is and has been so horrifically awful. I actually feel scared and trapped within my own body. I'm hoping it's just the anxiety thats making me think irrationally but I just want it to go away! And once it does go away, if it does, I never ever want it to come back again! And I don't know how to ensure that. I'm scared that I'm just one of those people that will just always have dips. Btw, I do attend counselling once a week and it was working wonders. I have suffered huge anxiety before and pulled myself out, but can I do this without meds?!! I want to believe I can and it's not the coming off citalopram that's caused this because I was fine for the first 4 weeks.... help please!!!

[Knittedbreasts]

Hi, I would go back to your gp and talk to them again about how you feel, if it's anxiety alone they may look at other meds. Some people experience anxiety physically and so propranol for example works well for that. How ever emotional anxiety requires different meds. Counselling often works best with meds as it normalises you amd puts you in a better place to do the work with your therapist.

[LittleMummy90]

Hi Knittedbreasts, thanks so much for your reply. It's a lot of physical symptoms I've been experiencing. Mostly I'll wake up in the morning and feel physically anxious before the thoughts start. But I am having irrationally anxious thoughts and worrying about lots and lots of things, including things that happened years ago! Am truly hoping it's just a phase. When I spoke to my counsellor on Monday, she said that she could see I still have some rationality which is a good thing! I think I'm mostly anxious of feeling anxious at this point. Now that I've had this crash, I'm nervous of how I'll deal with other difficult situations in the future. I know the anxiety relates to other people so I just feel like isolating myself, but I'm also extremely lonely! Can't win!!