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Is this how it feels to lose the plot??!

(5 Posts)
SlowlyLosingThePlot Wed 04-Oct-17 14:20:55

I'm not sure how much more I can cope with.

My DH has had a break down, landing both of us in some really serious legal problems (sorry, can't go into detail, but it's really, really bad, think potential gaol for both of us).

His breakdown is so severe he's barely functioning emotionally, and has major physical issues linked - Shell Shock like symptoms.

Financially, we are up shit creek.

My DC have coped amazingly - so far.

Everything falls to me, and I now have everyone to care for DC and 'D'H. I lost my job because of the legal situation. Working on a self-employed basis now and only making ends meet with help from his parents and only because if I had missed the next mortgage payment the house would be repossessed and they knew that their son would end up in a psychiatric hospital if that happened.

I can't make progress on anything, everything is up in the air until the legal things are settled.

Can't sell the house, until the legal situation is sorted. Can't move out because I can't afford to rent - no HB as I own a property, and rental would be more than the mortgage. Wouldn't pass any credit checks because of the financial mess anyway. Every time I sort out one bill, another one comes along and knocks me.

And I have been coping, because the alternative is ..... what? My children go into care? Or move to another country where the extended family is and I lose them that way?

But I'm not coping. Not really. I'm on edge. I burst into tears easily. I was on antidepressants but the side effects were awful and leaving me fuzzy brained, I can't afford to be fuzzy brained right now. Starting on HRT, because I've hit perimenopause (cause I didn't have enough to deal with....)

How do I get through? I've been offered Carer's support, but I feel resentful because the support I'm being offered is not for me, not really. It's for me as HIS carer, and he's the one that got us into this shit. So it feels as though the support would biased and focussed on me coping in that role. One of his specialist's reports actually questioned how long I could continue to cope because of how difficult the situation was and the strain I was under.

Some friends are great, others not so great. I feel whispered about, I feel judged, I feel terrified, I feel angry and I feel so, so, so hurt that the person I trusted has retreated into a shell and left me to deal with everything.

Today is a bad day. Why? Nothing in particular, probably the 'down' or the adrenalin withdrawal after a difficult day yesterday. But a bad day nevertheless. Can't motivate myself to work, sitting typing with tears running down my face.

NooNooHead1981 Wed 04-Oct-17 15:39:26

Bless you, you sound so upset. I do hope you are ok. I am just about to go out but will reply properly later - you sound like you need a handhold and very in-MN hug flowers

NolongerAnxiousCarer Thu 05-Oct-17 10:15:50

Hugs slowly,

I care for my husband who suffers from depression and episodes of psychosis. He has been in trouble with the police in the past and very narrowly avoided prison on a couple of occasions. We have also lost everything including our home in the past. Feel free to PM me if you think it would help.

My advice as a carer is to grab hold of any support offered with both hands. I have a CPN from my husbands team allocated to me for support. Yes ultimately the purpose of this is to support me so that I can support DH, but it has never felt like this. He made it very clear from the start that his role is to support me in whatever I need support with, often this is related to DHs mental health, but not always, sometimes it is work stress or family stress or financial worries. He has never pressured me to stay in my relationship and supported me during a time when we seperated helping me to work through the difficult questions I was asking myself regarding our relationship from a neutral view point. To be honest I don't know what I would have done without his support. I have also been to carer support groups run by DHs MH team which were very useful. It can really help just to talk to other people who understand and have been through similar themselves.

Definately get support for your mental health in your own right from your GP and if possible from a councellor or mental health services (your GP can refer you but unfortunately the waiting list is often long) Not all ADs give you brain fog so it may be worth asking your GP to try a different one and see if you get on with that better.

dangermouseisace Thu 05-Oct-17 17:25:04

Hi OP it sounds like you are having a really hard time.

Have you talked to Citizens Advice? They usually have experience of advising with situations involving people with mental health problems.

TBH it sounds like you need all the support you can get, so it might be a good idea to accept the carers support, as nolongeranxious suggests!

NolongerAnxiousCarer Thu 05-Oct-17 22:19:17

A couple of other things I've thought of that might be helpful.

DHs solicitor got an independant psychiatric assessment (he didn't have a diagnosis or mental health team input back then) The psychiatrist reccommended that the judge avoided a custodial sentance due to the high risk to his mental health which was considered very fragile at the time even without the diagnosis of psychosis at that point.

If it comes to it and you lose your home (I really hope it doesn't ) the council have a legal responsibility to provide your husband with emergency housing if he is considered a vulnerable adult due to his mental health. Rethink have some useful info on this on their website. The council won't volunteer this. DHs CPN went with him to the housing office and he went from being in a b&b at the bottom of the list to being put in emergency housing (a 2 bed flat) the next day and going to the top of the list for perminant housing which he got a week later.

Mind and Rethink are both good sources of information, they have phonelines you can call and may well be able to give you advice about some of the difficulties you are facing at the moment.

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