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Husband has depression and anxiety

(8 Posts)
Glago2017 Sun 17-Sep-17 18:08:17

Hi just looking for anyone in a similar situation or can give advice.

My husband has had depression for the last two years and has been on and off his tablets throughout this time. Things have been quite bad for around the last few months where he stopped taking his tablets and was out drinking most weekends. He told me a few weeks ago that he's not been happy for a while and was thinking of separating from me. I am 7 months pregnant with his child. He says he still wants to be their for me and the baby and support us every step of the way.
On Wednesday night he wanted to talk and the outcome was he wanted us to separate. He has moved in with his parents. On Thursday morning he had an appointment with the doctor where he has been given a 3 week sick line, doubled his medication and been given new tablets to take alongside these.
When I asked him how he got on he said he was nuts and stressed out about everything. His new medication is making him extremely tired.
We have spoken/text everyday since. I have initiated conversation once the rest he has been asking how me and the baby are and what we are up 2. He has visited twice to get clothes and stayed for around 15 minutes each time.
My head is a complete mess and of course I am very hormonal. I doubt myself all the time and I don't know what to do for the best. Do I text him everyday saying "hope you've had a good day" or a motivational quote to let him know I am thinking of him of do I give him some space?
His parents are going on holiday for two weeks soon so he will be in the house himself all day long. is this a good or bad thing? I constantly worry about him.
We were just about to buy a new house and I think our relationship, buying a new house, becoming first time parents and money obv being tighter has just all got to much for him.
I was so looking forward to bringing up our baby together as a family of 3 and their will always be hope on my part that this can happen someday but I know he needs to sort himself out.
Sorry for the long post just getting everything off my chest.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Sun 17-Sep-17 22:20:27

That sound really tough. DH and I separated when his mental health was at its worst. My advice is to take this time to do stuff for you, to help your mental health that will stand you in good stead for the future whatever happens with your relationship. It's horrible to be in this limbo where you don't feel you can make any decision until your DH is well. Regarding support, do what feels right for you. You could ask him what support he feels would be helpful.

MissSV Wed 25-Oct-17 12:59:19

Hi I’m glad I’ve come across this post.. my husband has been suffering with depression for the past 12months and it has peaked lately and now he has left me. He says he still loves me and our sons but he just needs to get away... I am so desperately sad and crying all the time. I’m trying to stay strong for my boys but struggling to hold it together! I don’t know what to do x

AppleKatie Wed 25-Oct-17 13:10:03

I don't have any answers but I do have a husband who suffers with anxiety and depression.

Time and unending patience is needed im afraid.

But acknowledge is shit and don't forget to acknowledge your own importance in this situation. You do have choices and you do not have to accept him back into your life if you choose not too. You must protect your own MH.

flowers

merrykate Sat 28-Oct-17 14:48:51

To a certain extent he need to face this on his own; there's only so much you can do.

Put yourself in the strongest place mentally so that you can deal with the next few months. Accept help. Reach out to people. Let them support you.

I know how difficult it is to support someone with depression, but ultimately he is the master of his own destiny, and you will soon have your baby to look after.

Hopefully he will get better and you can be a family again, but he must've been really struggling.

Kindnessrules Mon 13-Nov-17 16:09:24

I feel for you. I gave birth to my 2nd child 5months ago and 10days after that my husband had a severe mental breakdown was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and put in citalopram then he told me he had been confiding in another women about how low he was and they had kissed when I was pregnant! We decided we would try sort things between us as we have been together for 16years and had tried so hard to have our little family that we couldn’t just give up. Since his citalopram kicked in properly he came even more distant and has carried on seeing this other women. We have started couples counselling in which he has said he doesn’t know what he wants??? I’m left looking after a 2yearold and 5months old. I love him so much and will do anything to sort this out and hope that it is the depression and citalopram combination that is making him think he doesn’t want to be with me and that he will come to his senses about this other women.
All I can say is focus on your baby they are what needs you the most. Try and seek counselling for yourself and as a couple.
Stay strong x

Neenook Mon 13-Nov-17 22:47:01

Another one with no answers but masses of sympathy. My husband and I have been married for 17 years and he has had several breakdowns and numerous patches of poor mental health during this time. Earlier this year I was at the end of my tether following another episode. It makes me sound so hard and uncaring but I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. I can’t be the strong one who constantly bolsters him up, counsels him, listens to his problems and comes up with solutions any more. We’re 17 years on and nothing has changed and I’ve finally realised I can’t cure him.
After that things were better for a while but have no gone downhill again. I feel exasperated, frustrated and fed up. I know he needs me to be sympathetic and caring but I just haven’t got it in me anymore. I feel like an absolute bitch.
I suppose I just want to say look after yourself. It can be incredibly wearing.

ICanHazCakeNow Tue 14-Nov-17 12:23:20

Hi Glago2017
Your husband is ill, seriously ill. This is what is affecting his decisions and thoughts.
To a certain extent he does need to help himself, but he may not be able to do that at the moment. If you are willing and able to support him in this his recovery will probably be quicker and more complete, tp say nothing of the professional support from his GP and possibly even mental health.
Only you can decide how much support you are able to give him, especially while you are pregnant and please make sure you look after you (first) as well.

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