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Mental health

I think I have/always have had anxiety but I need help now

26 replies

Justbreathinandout · 17/08/2017 15:41

I don't really know what to do about my anxiety. I've always had it but I think I'm really good at acting like I haven't got it when with others. I don't share my feelings on this. I keep so many worries to myself because I'm alone with the kids all week and don't have anyone to speak to.

It's really come to a head recently as I've started driving lessons. I'm early forties and expected it to be a challenge, however I've now had over 30 lessons and the stupid anxiety, fight or flight crap is getting in the way of my learning. My instructor said today that I would progress if I could shake the anxiety. He's pretty understanding really. He gets why I make mistakes. I suppose I thought after this many lessons I would be used to it. I'm not.

After the lessons I have a horrible irritable feeling, tension headache and I'm absolutely exhausted. It is absolutely knackering being stressed for that length of time, 2hrs, and although my brain, my logic can do what is asked the anxiety takes over and totally fucks it all up. Then it's like a domino effect; my mind goes blank. I hate it. I just can't get it under control. Obviously I definitely don't want to be doing this whilst driving.

I am seriously considering quitting because I just hate the stress of it. But it will be such a helpful skill if I can pass.

I tried to get a GP appointment today because I can't cope with it any more but I can't be seen for a week and I have no one to look after my kids whilst I go.

What would you d if you were me? Have you been through this? Is this more than just anxiety? I feel pretty sad about it.

OP posts:
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MebeingMe · 17/08/2017 16:04

I've suffered from extreme anxiety before, and happy to say that my anxiety is now manageable, so I totally understand how you feel.
I don't think you should quit your driving lesson though, passing my driving test is one of the best things I've done. Once I passed I was able to go out more, which did result in me having to deal with new situations that at first I struggled with but once I had overcome my new anxieties I honestly felt that it helped me with dealing with my anxiety as a whole.
It sounds that passing your test could also benefit you too, as you will be able to have the freedom to go out more by yourself or with your children.
I think it's a good idea to go to the doctor as they will be able to advise you on treatment, be it medication or CBT. There is no shame in taking medication for your anxiety, I was initially put on a high dose of medication which I have now reduced.
Try and stay positive, things will get better as you speak about it more and seek medical help.

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 16:13

Thanks Me I was a bit worried about going on medication and it making me too woozy to drive at all. I also think I might burst into floods of tears. I honestly have taken a long time to admit what is wrong and it's ok to seek help. I never seek help for anything. A habit I'm slowly tackling.
Yes, it would be so great to be able to drive. I really enjoy it sometimes but the anxiety is creating a roadblock.

Do you think it likely I might be prescribed meds straight away? Or do GPs normally advise CBT first?

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 16:14

Oh fuck, name change fail. Ah, whatever. It's done. That's how ashamed I am I guess. Ridiculous on an anonymous forum...

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PollytheDolly · 17/08/2017 16:18

Try some Kalms or rescue remedy in the interim OP but definitely do not give up on your lessons and be honest about your anxiety. It does help to talk so talk with others, like me on here, who completely understand what it feels like 🌸

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HeyRoly · 17/08/2017 16:24

I really understand coming to the realisation that you've always had anxiety and are only just becoming aware of it. For me, it's basically my normal. I have no idea what normal is for other people!

I had awful debilitating fear around driving lessons too. I would wake up on the morning of a lesson and have diahorrea right up until the point that I had to leave the house. Eventually I got beta blockers to calm the panic symptoms and passed on my third attempt.

And then didn't drive again for ten years.

Decided to have refresher lessons in an automatic and they really take the fear out of driving for me. No worries about stalling at roundabout, etc. One pedal for stop and one for go. It's that easy! And if I'm no longer terrified about the mechanics of driving, I can actually concentrate on other things, like the road. I really couldn't recommend it more highly.

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 16:29

Thank you Polly. I really don't want to give up. Apart from the money I've invested, when I'm doing something I've done a lot in the car I actually enjoy it. The times I enjoy it are dwindling now though as my instructor wants me to master things like dual carriageway and driving in rush hour, which I really have to if I want to pass.
I was actually on Kalms when I first started learning as my anxiety was worse in anticipation. They were good but seemed to take a while to get in my system. I will see if I have any more and try them again.

I understand that some level of anxiety with driving is normal but I just feel like it is becoming something I can't get under control anymore. I think being sole carer for the dcs (Dh works away during the week) is stressful too. I don't get a break. At the weekend he's tired from work and I end up looking after them then too.

It's weird but after my lessons I would put my stress levels on a par with moving house. My body is so achy from all the tensing up.

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 16:36

I really understand coming to the realisation that you've always had anxiety and are only just becoming aware of it. For me, it's basically my normal. I have no idea what normal is for other people!

This is it for me. I've always been like this I think. I think it is genetic. My grandmother was housebound agoraphobic, my DF has what I think might be ADHD with anxiety too.

Makes sense really when I think about it. I suppose the noticeable physical symptoms are now highlighting that my anxious thoughts are there more often.

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DustinGee · 17/08/2017 16:37

No, I don't think it's more than just anxiety.

Have you tried CBT? It might help.

Anxiety basically teaches your brain to panic at benign things. If you think about it, your responses would be completely normal if they were in reaction to a lion chasing you down the street, right? Anxiety is a normal, helpful and life-saving mechanism...under the right circumstances. Problem is, we anxious people unintentionally train our minds to see danger where none exists, and our bodies respond accordingly.

CBT attempts to rewire the brain by challenging these damaging thought patterns...which is where anxiety originates.

Maybe you could set the driving lessons to one side while you get started on some CBT &/or mindfulness (which some people have found helpful).

CBT really can work. It is your thoughts that are causing your panic, and thought patterns can be changed.

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MebeingMe · 17/08/2017 16:38

Whatthechuff believe it or not you have taken the first step by writing about it on here, you should be proud of yourself. Having anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of, things can change and get better. I have come such a long way compared to where I was , and that's because I finally found the strength to talk about the issues I had, and you can do it too.
To be honest I was given medication on my first visit to the doctor, I think it was because I was so anxious at the time and broke down in tears (it's good to cry sometimes). I wasn't offered CBT, maybe my doctor felt i didn't need it. But once you have a chat to your GP you will be able to both talk about it it what treatment you think is best.
Oh and by the way......... no need to change your name, you hold your head up high and be proud of who you are.

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 16:38

Hey I have thought about automatic cars. I think my Dh was thinking I'd have more choice when we come to purchase if I learned gears. Also aren't they expensive to fix?

Just chatting here is helping to calm me down, btw, I really felt panic rising when I couldn't get an appointment at the GPs.

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 16:44

I haven't tried CBT Dustin I think because I've been in denial about it for so long. I think I didn't justify the cost either because I thought I could solve this myself.

Ah, Me you're so kind. Thank you. I will try and see the GP as soon as I can. It will be quite something just to say it out loud. Even writing about it is making me feel tearful. I don't know why I bottled it up for so long.

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MebeingMe · 17/08/2017 16:47

Is it normal to have to wait a week for a doctors appointment?
Maybe log on here for a little while everyday until you have your doctors appointment, just to keep you calm and speak to other people that are going through anxiety too.

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 16:52

Not usually, no. They pretty good normally.

Yes, I think just chatting here is helping to tide me over for now. I feel as though telling someone else has helped a lot. Thank you. Flowers

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 16:53

I've found my Kalms and am taking those. Hopefully they will help a bit.

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MebeingMe · 17/08/2017 16:58

Glad it's helping. Let us know how you get on at the doctors. If you need to vent in the mean time then your more than welcome to vent as much you like.

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 16:59

I will. That's brilliant, thank you all. Flowers

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DustinGee · 17/08/2017 17:06

Oh, and I agree...anxiety is nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of. My GP told me it is an "affliction of the intelligent". He might have been trying to be nice, but even so....Smile

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 17:10

Gosh, Dustin that's a lovely way to put it.

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DustinGee · 17/08/2017 17:15
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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 17:17

Well I did not see that coming. I'll have a read.

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PollytheDolly · 17/08/2017 17:20

Oh, and I agree...anxiety is nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of. My GP told me it is an "affliction of the intelligent". He might have been trying to be nice, but even so....

I'll take that!

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Mushroomburger17 · 17/08/2017 17:25

CBT is brilliant. Contact iapt if you can and the sessions will be free. See your gp too. Can you plug the kids into a tablet whilst you talk?

My anxiety has reached peak and I've started with panic attacks. Got some propranolol today but don't want to take it. I'm seeing a new counsellor tomorrow so I'm hoping that will be beneficial.

Google all you can. Mindfulness etc. It all helps. Yoga. Also some tools on YouTube apparently. Just starting this journey myself really.

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PollytheDolly · 17/08/2017 17:43

Mushroom. Propanol really does work with panic attacks. Why don't you want to take them? No judgement of course, but a panic attack sufferer myself they were a godsend. Flowers

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Mushroomburger17 · 17/08/2017 17:48

Thank you. I have a lovely new fear of taking meditation! Its awful. Only developed it this year after living on painkillers with dental problems. I worry I'm having an allergic reaction and my throat is swelling up, when it's actually just anxiety!

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WhattheChuff · 17/08/2017 18:13

Iapt. Ok. Thanks will look into that.

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