His depression is like a mask

[BooRadley35]

I’m trapped. I’m isolated and so alone. How can I explain?

How can I express my feelings without being berated for my selfishness?

When faced with implacable logic and resolve being aimed at my short comings and perceived failures, when words and conversations are twisted to their viewpoint and just another weapon to be used against me, what can I do?

I’m walking on eggshells.

I’m so tired.

I can’t see when this will get better, there is no light at end of the tunnel.

I don’t know how to help, my futile efforts to assist thrown back in my face. Do I continue in silence? Silently weeping in the few moments I have alone.

There is no respite from my inadequacies, whether spotlighted during an argument or the jeering voice running in my head.

It’s like a mask he wears. It’s not him, he is being controlled. He is working so hard to remove the mask but it is insidious and manipulative and so god damn strong. I am not strong enough to remove it. My efforts and advice on hastening its removal are not welcomed at best, and at worse ridiculed for my lack of awareness and understanding.

When will my lack of understanding, awareness and compassion be viewed as my trying my best? When does the clarity strike him that his outlook could be skewed by the mask? He should not trust his perception of events as the mask is controlling what he sees?

They say continuing your usual activities helps buffer you from the mask. But how do you continue? When you feel guilty to leave them on their own? When you are viewed to have abandoned them and let them down?

I feel frayed around the edges, like I’m slowly unravelling.

My capacity to feel anything apart from tired and sad has gone.

I am a stranger to myself and I don’t know what to do.

He has depression and anxiety. I think maybe now so do I.

[merrygoround51]

I don't believe that depression is a good enough reason to belittle others.

You need to put your own health first and if someone wears you out to this extent you need to reconsider what you are getting from the relationship