Is this just me or do others feel like this?

[Mmfudgy]

I have a dp who is currently away for 3 weeks visiting family. I couldn't go because of my job and my dd who is in school. I have no problem with him going at all although I'm a bit irritated that he's having this amazing holiday whilst I'm working etc!

Basically I've been on ADs for the last 20 years as I can't cope without them. This last 2 weeks I have struggled so badly. Totally exhausted, stressful job, teenage dd, housework etc etc. Last two days I've been crying and feeling really low. Just want to sleep and had argument with dp on amount of contact while he's away. Not really his fault due to time difference but I really needed to talk to him briefly and eventually he made the time.

However, the worst problem has been looking at my life and hating it. Not many friends, no local family, don't go out much. I see others living these rich lives in the community with friends and people who care. Since dp has been away I haven't seen many people and I have this thing in my head of how nice it would be if someone said "hey fudgy would you like to come for tea as you're on your own?"

I feel like a needy cow and basically feel like I'm totally unimportant to everyone. I don't know how I got here. I'm so angry all the time with everything and everyone. Hating my life even though I know it's ridiculous and I have no right to feel this. Does anyone of this make sense? Not got much money and FB is full of people I know having multiple holidays and doing fun stuff. Again I'm being ridiculous but I don't know how to stop these awful thoughts like no-one would really care if I wasn't here. Yet again, my logical brain knows this is not true.

What can I do to stop these awful damaging thoughts? What the hell is wrong with me? Sorry it's long and thanks for reading.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Hi fudgy -I think everyone feels like this if they usually spend most of their time in work or with their nuclear family, and don't connect much with others.
We are social animals, we need to be connected, it's entirely normal. It seems maybe you are feeling a bit lonely, which is a horrible thing to feel. I think small steps is the way to go, start maybe with a hobby like a choir or fitness, or something, and take it slowly working on social skills , being friendly and willing to be a little bit vulnerable, invite other women over etc.
The negative feelings of jealousy are also really normal, just remember everyone feels like this, Facebook is just people's best front , what they think other people want to see, not their real true selves.

[Mmfudgy]

Thanks for your reply Aint. You're right, I do feel better if I'm busy and being social, even though sometimes I have to push myself to do it because I'm so overwhelmed with my job and tiredness. Only I can improve things. The power of negative thoughts is scary sometimes. Underneath this is the continual belief that I'm sub standard, have no talents and am a failure compared to others. All very unhelpful of course but difficult to shift.

[Wolfiefan]

Have you ever had any CBT? It helped me to make me put social stuff and things that make me happy in my schedule.
Make sure YOU get some time when he gets back.

[Bluntness100]

Maybe you need to see your doctor about your ADs?maybe the prescription needs changing and reviewing?

I think giving you tea and sympathy saying everyone feels this way is very wrong indeed, they don't. I don't, no one I know does, so I think your feelings are part of your depression, your second post confirms it.

Go back to your doctor, and address it,,,💐

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Bluntness- if you mean my comment/ post, I do think it is normal to feel lonely when you are lonely and disconnected from family and community.
However , I agree OP feeling very low is more significant.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Fudge, CBT is helpful to address the underlying negative automotive thoughts that may be driving some of the problems with your mood. The GP can refer for CBT to either primary or secondary mental health services.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Automatic :)

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Although I agree ADs dose may be reviewed or possibly changed by GP, empathy and normalisation of experience is also very important .

[Mmfudgy]

Thanks everyone. I take all your points and it's helpful to hear that I should go back to GP. I've lived with this for so long I think I've normalised it. I have really appreciated the empathy too. I don't think it helps that I'm now menopausal and my mood has definitely changed of late. Sorry, should have mentioned that before as it may be more relevant than I think.

Irs that sodding internal voice that I'm hearing all day. It's so destructive and I can't switch it off. I don't know if this explains things but I suffered some sexual abuse as a child and have found relationships difficult.