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Untitled - feel low

(10 Posts)
darjeelingdarling Thu 06-Jul-17 19:58:33

I'm just feeling so emotional. Low confidence. I feel almost pointless.

A minor thing really at work has really hit my 'sweet spot' - I feel very sensitive and wish I had a thicker skin. Colleagues have said I was reasonable - however I apparently upset many people. I'm not one who likes conflict or confrontation. I hurt all over now. I worry everyone hates me. I sought reassurance that I was reasonable, I feel confused.

I hate this.

WashingMatilda Thu 06-Jul-17 22:45:55

Hi OP. I could have written your post tonight. I'm also having a brick wall moment. Feel like I could just stare forever.
I have been doing so well, the space in between each episode have been getting longer and longer since my massive depression hit almost two years ago, but tonight it's just sprung up like the black dog is want to do at times.

Try to remember this will pass, today's news is tomorrow's chip paper in a lot of jobs, and in less than a week it won't be so raw. It's just about staying afloat until then.
flowers

If it helps I am also feeling like literally no one likes me, not even my family, DP, best friend or even my mum. Which I know is crazy. If it's any consolation, I have lots of friends yet I still feel exactly like you do. Deep down under the fog I know they care about me but it's just not breaking through tonight. I'm sure you're the same. Remember that ultimately your job is just that - a job. You are there to work and to get paid at the end of the month, we should both promise each other we should try and remember that cake

darjeelingdarling Fri 07-Jul-17 06:10:20

Oh gosh washing- what a thoughtful reply. Thank you so much. You are right.

I've lost sight of many things lately; I'm not sure why. I have low resilience for conflict at times, I'm not sure why right now.

I've had two miscarriages this year. The first I felt so much relief that I'd survived (baby had stopped growing so I had a little time to grieve) and the weeks after I felt so strong and positive. We also went on holiday which helped. This last one has been harder, though effectively a chemical or early mc. I've felt odd since. I don't think it's just that bit I can't help thinking it is.

Why do you think we feel like this? Actually since my son was born I'd felt so purposeful despite my career being down graded to be a mum. I feel like it's fading. I don't want depression. It's usually anxiety for me; this feels different.

You are right that news goes. I have a habit of taking those chips and grooves with me.

I'll try to focus on what you said. Thank you so much cakeflowers

darjeelingdarling Fri 07-Jul-17 06:21:07

I wonder if I measure myself by my job actually. As if I'm only worth what I'm achieving. I don't understand why that's not transferred to being a mother. Or maybe it has - I'm confused.

I'm sorry you've had a massive episode of depression. That must have been extremely difficult.

The feeling that everyone hates you - that's depression, right? I don't get where it's come from for me. It might be work over the last few weeks. This year has been a mixed bag.

gremlinmum Fri 07-Jul-17 10:40:37

Dear Darjeeling you have experienced a great loss twice this year I think miscarriage is very much misunderstood by anyone other than who has experienced it! You are grieving those losses and have to go through that grief and just know that you will!! Be kind to yourself especially when others aren't take care ❤️

darjeelingdarling Sun 09-Jul-17 21:08:27

Thank you for your kind reply.

I don't know if it's the mc's. But maybe it is. I'm 40 and our first was so easy. We've had a really tough time ij the last few years - I think ttc and moving on to the next stage was positive. I think I'm feeling a bit lost.

I find it tough to make mistakes too. Socially especially. I care too much about what people think of me.

darjeelingdarling Sun 09-Jul-17 21:27:07

Ive just had a good weekend away. It really helped and I had fun. I do often feel slightly on edge even with friends - will they think badly of me? If I say something they disagree with? I don't think I always get my point across. There's only really one friend who totally gets me.

gremlinmum Mon 10-Jul-17 09:45:29

I'm glad to hear you had such a good weekend away! Don't be so hard on yourself you are overthinking and most people as so self absorbed anyhow to notice! Although I have many friendsI too only have one real friend who truly gets me and do you know that is enough for me xx

darjeelingdarling Mon 10-Jul-17 10:18:46

Yes you're right.

I seem to be quite hormonal. I wonder if grief can hit late?

gremlinmum Mon 10-Jul-17 11:32:59

It took me a long time to get over my MCs tbh and remember everyone is different just be kind to yourself in the meantime consider counselling it worked for me also I joined the miscarriage association this helped me cope and get my feelings into perspective! Take care xx

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