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Does anyone have any tips on overcoming needing to be liked

(14 Posts)
HodorHodorHodor Sat 01-Jul-17 00:22:45

Feeling pretty low tonight. I've been on citalopram for depression , 3 weeks on 10mg, followed by the last 3 on 20mg. Thought I was doing ok but have been set back today by being excluded from a work social gathering by people I thought were friends. Has sent me into the usual spiral of trying to figure out what I've done done wrong, nobody likes me overthinking etc.

I've actually spent most of the night crying which makes me hate myself even more to be upset about such first world, childish nonsense.

I just seem to have this awful need to be liked and no matter how much I can rationally see that nobody likes everybody, it shouldn't really matter to me etc, I still end up agonising about it all.

Sorry, this is probably not very coherent. The first couple of weeks on citalopram were great as I didn't seem to give a stuff about all that shite and just so disappointed for it all to be creeping back in.

Aintgotnosoapbox Sat 01-Jul-17 00:37:54

I think we all want to be liked and be connected. Facebook etc show events which look amazing, but it's not usually the whole story. There is probably a connection or reason why they ended up on a night out, that's nothing to do wapiti you at all.
It's all about self esteem, and thinking patterns. Try and see things from a different perspective - like maybe they organised it on the spur of the moment, have been on similar events before, or live near one another, didn't think- but if they had they would have invited you.
I hope you get rest and feel better tomorrow

Aintgotnosoapbox Sat 01-Jul-17 00:39:24

And obviously feeling low means we don't even feel sociable or like going out, or confident - this will pass, try not to be upset , sounds like you are doing well.

Pru24 Sat 01-Jul-17 00:48:45

My dm mum has bpd and this is a big symptom of hers, she has struggled with this for a very long time but since her diagnosis, learning to cope with this is something she practises. Learn to love yourself is really key, my dm excercises, eat well and takes her self out on dates and events. When you can be happy enough with your own company, friends make life fuller rather than being a need. And yeah facebook makes people feel rubbish when they expect the same "facebook life" that people show, in real life. Hope you feel better tomorrow too.

HodorHodorHodor Sat 01-Jul-17 01:04:30

Thank you so much for your lovely replies, they mean a lot! Yes, going to try to get some sleep now and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

HodorHodorHodor Sat 01-Jul-17 09:39:01

I totally agree about Facebook, I had deactivated my account 6 months ago. Best thing ever and I haven't missed it at all. Buuut I stupidly caved last night to confirm my suspicions about the meet up. Now I feel like a crazed stalker!

Definitely about thinking patterns, it's strange because I feel like I can see exactly what my ishoos are but powerless to stop myself with the self destructive thoughts. I'm on a waiting list for the counsellor at my GP surgery but I understand it's a long list and many in much greater need than me.

Pru I hope your mum is doing well these days, that must have been a very difficult journey for you all.

Pru24 Sat 01-Jul-17 10:04:35

Thank you and yeah it has been hard but im just pleased that there are ways to help and support her in her recovery. Its a long road but little steps that encourage self worth have really helped her! Mental health is very important, whilst waiting for help, try making lists of ways u can learn to cope with these feelings can help. Recognising how your feeling, then why and what to do to feel better will help also. Aww everyone has done that at somepoint so dont be hard on yourself, youve shown u regret it so think of it more as a lesson learnt & confirmation that you were right to delete ur account in the first place. The website MIND has been really helpful with my dm, great site & tips to help. Hope you get seen for the issues soon & you find ways to cope & overcome the destructive self thoughts.

HodorHodorHodor Sat 01-Jul-17 10:19:38

Thanks so much Pru. Will take a look at that website. The list is a good idea! After your earlier post I had a little read into bpd and am shocked at how much it describes me. I know armchair diagnosis is to be discouraged but it actually feels like a light going on. I've felt like this for so long and only recently plucked up the courage to get help. It's always seemed to be a part of me or a 'defect' in my personality rather than situational as such, if that makes sense.

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. You're very kind x

Gertiegoolash Sat 01-Jul-17 10:34:24

I'm like this, it's draining, constantly worrying what people think of me. I over analyze everything I say or do and it's bloody exhausting! really wish I didn't give a fuck. I'm also on citralopram.

Gertiegoolash Sat 01-Jul-17 10:35:06

Sorry haven't given you any tips just wanted to say your not alone x

HodorHodorHodor Sat 01-Jul-17 10:39:22

Thank you Gertie, sorry you're dealing with this too, but always good to know you're not alone! Have you been on citalopram long? Do you feel it helps? My husband is one of life's not-a-fuck-givers and whilst he tries to understand, he just can't wrap his head round why I would care! I can't either tbh arggh.

Pru24 Sat 01-Jul-17 13:42:19

Yes thats exactly how my dm felt, that it was some kind of defect in her & couldnt understand why she felt so low about others all the time. I know how hard it for my dm so would hate to think others are going through the same. Even thou armchair diagnosis is not reccommended, if you feel this fits your situation then its worth persuing the tips and see if any help. Mention to your doctor how u felt after reading about bpd. First thing i asked my mum to do was write a list of her good attributes/memories/traits so when situations arrise with friends, she can try to decipher that other peoples actions shouldnt lead to self destructive thoughts. She also struggles making decisions that involve putting her feelings above others, she can feel she has to do things they want too in fear they will get upset. We try to go through, why she doesnt want to do watever is and why her reason is more important than upsetting others if it will lead to her being upset in the long run. Hope this all helps and you can find some ease in feeling like this & the tips online help.

HodorHodorHodor Sun 02-Jul-17 08:27:06

Thank you Print, I definitely will. I think even creating this post has helped to be honest as, apart from my husband, nobody else knows I'm on ADs. I worry that because there's no outward 'reason' for me to be depressed, people won't understand. The whole 'counting your blessings' thing always makes me feel worse as on paper my life looks pretty good - almost like I am being selfish or ridiculous for feeling this way when there's so many people way worse off than me. Like I'm an ungrateful brat. Ugh!

Was drained of all energy yesterday but am feeling a good bit better today - everyone else still in bed and I've cleared out some kitchen drawers! Little wins smile

Thanks so much everyone.

HodorHodorHodor Sun 02-Jul-17 08:27:32

Print?? Pru! Sorry!

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