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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Long term therapy

23 replies

Caulkheadupnorf · 27/06/2017 18:25

I'm just wondering if anyone has had long term/open ended therapy, and how you managed breaks of either you or the therapist going on holiday.

OP posts:

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MrsZB · 27/06/2017 18:28

Hi, I do. I'm not sure what you mean? We both take occasional holiday breaks or sometimes I can't attend for whatever reason. I give her as much notice as possible and as long as it is longer than 24 hrs she doesn't charge me.

Some therapists might charge for breaks though.

Does that answer your question? Happy to help further if I can.

feelingcalledlove · 27/06/2017 18:34

I had therapy for 5 years and there were times during that when either me or the therapist was on holiday. We just told each other in advance and booked appointments for afterwards. The therapist was part of an NHS team so I could contact the team if she was on leave and there was a problem. Once when I was going through a bad patch we pre-arranged an appointment with one of her colleagues while the therapist was on leave. Every other time it wasn't an issue though (and sometimes it's nice to have a break!)

Caulkheadupnorf · 27/06/2017 18:35

No, more the attachment side of things. We have different stratergies we use to help me when we have a break, like texting at the time we would usually meet but she has asked me to think if there is anything else that would be helpful, and i just needed some inspiration!

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MrsZB · 27/06/2017 19:15

Oh ok! How about writing her a letter or journalling during the break?

erinaceus · 27/06/2017 19:57

There is a line of reasoning that says schedule something pleasant for the time during which you have your usual therapy session. I can see how something appointment-y might be a good fit, so a massage, meet up with a friend, plan to visit somewhere you have always meant to visit, or similar.

Draft emails? This is a similar to the letter writing or journalling strategy. Whether you send them or not is something you could discuss with your therapist in advance.

I like creative strategies like drawing or painting.

Ask her to suggest a book or movie you might like and use the time to read or watch it, or come up with your own book or movie and use the time to watch it. Read the book August by Judith Rossner. I liked it.

Caulkheadupnorf · 27/06/2017 21:50

She used to give me creative tasks to do, but we haven't for a while. I usually write to her or do draft emails and schedule put the week which is good. We also have marble jars where I move a marble from one jar to the other each day.

I still miss her and I feel like there must be something else that will make it easier I guess! I'll talk about a book and that with her.

Thanks.

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PreparingToBeAMummy · 27/06/2017 21:53

We have transitional objects. I have her blanket, bracelet and a bear, she takes something of mine with her.

It sort of helps, but regular contact while she is away is the most helpful. I have attachment disorder though so clearly my attachment needs are fairly intense.

Caulkheadupnorf · 27/06/2017 22:20

I usually take a cushion from the clinic I see her at, and have taken her hair band on occasion. She's suggested we take a selfie of us with the cushion as I'm going away and don't have space for it. I'd forgotten but she also has a little elephant and I have a similar one.

Maybe I just need to remember all these things!!

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PreparingToBeAMummy · 28/06/2017 06:45

I think that it is still unbelievably difficult, no matter how prepared you are.

erinaceus · 28/06/2017 11:42

It sounds as if you are anxious about the break. Is there anything specific that you struggle with?

Caulkheadupnorf · 28/06/2017 14:08

I just miss her. There's been a lot going on recently and I'm aware of how important she is. I've seen her for 6 years so keep thinking I should be able to manage breaks better now, but it's still hard.

I go on holiday next week, and she has offered me phone calls but I don't think I can due to being away with other people and managing their schedule too.

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PreparingToBeAMummy · 28/06/2017 18:28

Breaks always feel like the worst thing ever when they happen... and they do always pass. It is very difficult to manage the feelings they bring up.

Caulkheadupnorf · 28/06/2017 18:42

The stupid thing is that it's me going on holiday, not her. So it feels like I'm putting myself through this anguish, when I could just not go.

Glad to hear that other people get it too.

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Isadora2007 · 28/06/2017 18:46

A transitional object is a good connection. Something simple like a marble or a pebble...
or I have agreed that at my appt time with an absent client I will sit and think of them for 5-10 minutes at that time. Then they know wherever they are that we have that active connection.

One client of mine liked a stone he had used during a sculpting session.

Caulkheadupnorf · 28/06/2017 18:50

I have a marble that she gave me.

At least writing this has helped me realise just how many things I do have and skills I can use!

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erinaceus · 28/06/2017 18:53

I do not think it is stupid. It's okay to miss someone, even when it is you who is the one going away.

byebyeapplepie · 28/06/2017 19:13

I get where you are coming from OP. I can't really understand the feelings but am quite worried about the long summer break. I keep thinking of reasons to end therapy in the next few weeks which doesn't really make sense as a solution!
I hope you manage to enjoy your holiday.

Caulkheadupnorf · 28/06/2017 19:20

I used to always says to my therapist that I wanted to end, or at least have a break whenever she was due to be away. We now start putting plans in place earlier to prepare me for it, which helps more I guess
It's definitely one of those things that you only get if you've been in therapy for a while. My friends all think I'm being ridiculous!

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erinaceus · 28/06/2017 19:27

My friends all think I'm being ridiculous!

That sounds difficult. I do not think that you are being ridiculous. It sounds as if you need some reassurance. The break might be tough but it sounds as if you will be alright.

It is an attachment and then you miss her. This is not, conceptually, ridiculous.

Caulkheadupnorf · 28/06/2017 19:29

Yes, reassurance is all. It's helped me realise how many tools I have as well.

I don't know anyone else in therapy so I can't ask what they do.

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byebyeapplepie · 28/06/2017 19:33

6 years is a long time. I can imagine separation is very difficult.

Caulkheadupnorf · 28/06/2017 19:37

It's so hard. She's ace. It's been a hard few weeks and I think that is shaping the worry as I know how supportive she has been.

Thank you all for kindness and suggestions.

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byebyeapplepie · 28/06/2017 19:51

Sounds like it's been a difficult time recently. I hope the holiday provides some respite despite the worry.
I emailed the Samaritans daily last holiday period. I was very humbled at the kindness of strangers during that time.
Hopefully you'll be busy doing fun holiday things.

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