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Confused by sexual feeling for therapist

(4 Posts)
Carrotsheepcarrot Wed 14-Jun-17 11:05:59

Finding it excruciatingly embarrassing (have name changed) to even type this but hoping someone can relate. I'm obsessing over therapy, this comes and goes but sometimes it's like it's all I think about - I have a baby so am up a lot in the night and seem to have conversations in my head with my therapist at these times particularly. In the last week or so I've realised I have sexual feelings when I think about her and I'm mortified...I'm not attracted to her & not even attracted to women generally and am in a stable relationship. I feel so awkward. A lot of the work we're doing is around shame and I guess this fits and I'm sure it's representative of something else but it's so intense....dreading the next session. I know I should just bring it up but honestly can't imagine doing so. Argh. I can't tell anyone in real life, it's too weird. Anyone been through this?

unavita Wed 14-Jun-17 13:56:59

It means you're making progress 👍🏻

RiaOverTheRainbow Wed 14-Jun-17 14:10:11

It's common to feel some sort of attraction to your counsellor, it's just a side effect of being so emotionally open with someone. Personally I'd try to ignore the feelings until they go away, but that's not the right approach for everyone.

UndersecretaryofWhimsy Wed 14-Jun-17 14:16:47

It's so common that it has a name: 'transference'. It doesn't mean anything very much, except that you're working through some personal stuff with her and feelings are messy, so yours are coming out as sexual attraction. I once developed a big crush on a friend who helped me through a very difficult time, but fortunately I knew it was just an expression of my complicated emotions and let it pass.

You have two choices, really: 1) remind yourself that it will pass and it's not really about her, and wait it out: 2) bring it up with her. Therapists are trained to deal with transference.

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