Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Can I help her or should I distance myself?

(3 Posts)
wildflowerfable Tue 06-Jun-17 21:59:41

I don't know if this is the right board for this, I'm just please hoping for some advice.

About 6 years ago, I got a Facebook friend request from a girl I went to school with. We had never spoken in school, but after looking at her profile I was concerned as she had many posts about wanting to end her life. I accepted her request and started messaging her trying to help.

Ever since, she will periodically message me about these same issues. I try to give advice, support, and encourage her to seek help (she has a support worker), but nothing seems to help. I have also felt in the past as though she isn't always being honest with me. For example, she will message me about how great she's been feeling, then as soon as I post something on Facebook positive about my life (I don't often post, but things such as getting engaged, getting married, having my baby etc), she will message me about wanting ending her life. She will also message me about these things, before writing on her Facebook about what a great evening she's having with friends.

I used to know some people who tried to help her and brought her along to their church, but ended up distancing them from her and I wonder if it was for similar reasons to how I'm feeling.

In the past 6 years, she's never really asked me anything about my life. I have had my own difficult times, and during those times her messages brought me further down to be honest.

My husband always tells me that I should just delete her, but I just want to make sure that she's okay and doesn't do anything. Also, she somewhat reminds me of my birth mum who I haven't seen since I was a little girl. I just want to help her, but to be honest I feel as though she isn't always sincere with me. She once said that she had hurt herself, so I was about to call her an ambulance and asked where she lived, when she admitted that she hadn't really.

What should I do? I want to help her, but I have my own life and I'm unsure what to do. Thank you.

dangermouseisace Wed 07-Jun-17 19:37:13

Can't diagnose over the internet but it sounds like she has some kind of personality disorder. It's unreasonable of her to accept support from you, over Facebook. It sounds like you were concerned and tried to help probably thinking her problems were short term, but that's not the case. True friends support each other, it's give and take but it sounds like it's all give on your side. There is no real way you can help her over the internet, and it's just making you miserable. It sounds like she's got real life people who can help her.

If it were me I'd publicly post that I was 'taking a break from Facebook', come off it for a few weeks and then go back on with her blocked.

wildflowerfable Fri 09-Jun-17 22:41:17

Thank you dangermouse, that's a good idea. I wouldn't even really call us friends, I've just always wanted to help her.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now