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I think my friend is having a breakdown

(14 Posts)
Glitterspy Thu 01-Jun-17 18:40:02

Just as per the title really.

Long time old friend has had intermittent mental Heath issues since teenage years (depression).

She has been uncharacteristically quiet and reclusive for the past month and has missed/is about to miss some social occasions that she'd usually be front and centre for.

All she has said (breaking a non-responding silence on phone, email, WhatsApp and social, which she is usually all over) is that she wants to be left alone to work, see her family (as in her parents and sisters families, who she's extremely close to; she's single and hasn't had a long term exclusive relationship).

I am guessing at a breakdown but she has said she "doesn't want to go into" what's wrong, so I don't feel like I can ask.

What does a very bemused good friend do in this situation? Her actions are impacting other friends who feel at best ignored and at worst aggravated. She owes people money (not huge amounts, under £100 to a couple of people) and hasn't RSVPd or booked accommodation to a wedding 4 weeks from now.

How can I help her or should I be leaving well alone as requested?

Glitterspy Thu 01-Jun-17 19:44:55

Bump anyone have any advice?

ImCriss Thu 01-Jun-17 19:48:26

A very "bemused" friend could back off and take her at her word, rather than posting a little bit judgementally on Mumsnet about her debt and lack of relationships etc.

Glitterspy Thu 01-Jun-17 19:51:50

Seriously?

Glitterspy Thu 01-Jun-17 19:53:18

You think I should just back off and leave her to suffer?

I was posting for advice and just describing her background for full information. Calling me judgemental isn't particularly helpful

curtainphobic Thu 01-Jun-17 19:54:19

You sound like a good friend. Pop round with treats of choice. Wine / cake, whatever you think. She might tell you to go away but at least she knows she's not forgotten.

Maudlinmaud Thu 01-Jun-17 19:56:48

I'm not sure what you can do. Just make her aware your door is open and you are happy to listen. As she has other family around she is hopefully receiving some support. The debt is probably the last thing she needs to be worried about or perhaps the reason she is stressed.

outabout Thu 01-Jun-17 19:57:40

Tell her you are there for her if she needs you but leave her alone for a while but maybe send the odd invite for coffee or other non too taxing 'get together'

ImCriss Thu 01-Jun-17 19:57:52

Yes. She wants you to back off, so do it.

You know she has a family to support her, she knows you're there if she needs you.

Maybe she needs a break from you and others.

I still don't see why you're "bemused" but perhaps you're using the word in a different way.

Reow Thu 01-Jun-17 20:00:54

All you can do is say you love her and you're there if needed.

People tend to pull away and hide if the offered help is too forceful.

flowers

NellieFiveBellies Thu 01-Jun-17 20:01:06

id message her and say im here if you need me.

it sounds like she has family to support her. if thats what she wants right now it is best to respect that while leaving the door open for her to contact you if she chooses to.

could it not be depression though but rather the fact she owes people money that has caused her to go quiet?

BeefyCakes Thu 01-Jun-17 20:01:10

You know she suffers from mental health issues. Shes obviously going through something, you just need to let her know you're there for her. Then back off completely.

She might not make the wedding, but she's not doing this on purpose, she is ill. Her priority is not a wedding it's her trying to get through the day.

If you and others are really her friends, you would all understand that she is ill. If she broke her leg and couldn't make it would you be bemused and judge her?

Glitterspy Thu 01-Jun-17 20:06:34

Yes I've let her know that and plan to leave her alone now.

No of course not beefy but if she had a broken leg she wouldn't be ignoring all her friends and not paying people back for things and they wouldn't be constantly coming to me asking what was wrong.

I am worried for her; I know something isn't right and I don't know what it is; if it was a broken leg that wouldn't be the case and I would know what I could do to help.

Mycutiemarkisrubbish Thu 01-Jun-17 20:08:29

Send her a message saying you understand, that you'll wait for her to make contact again and that you love her/will always be there when she needs her. And then yes, back off for a bit (though personally I would send a card or a message if it's her birthday before you see her again)

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