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Get over yourself and get on with it- the good advice but what I'm actually thinking....

(1 Post)
Nanodust Tue 30-May-17 21:49:50

I have many things to be grateful for in my life. I feel very fortunate in many ways. However over the last few years I've felt like the excitement from life is slowly going. I don't feel there's a lot to look forward to, things seem a bit meh- I feel incredibly self indulgent writing this down and dislike myself for this, however it is how I feel. Exciting things have happened but I don't seem able to focus on the moment, just worry about it ending or things going wrong or me messing up/ being judged.
I feel down if I don't have something to look forward to, I buy too much from EBay because I like the thrill of finding stuff. However once it arrives I realise I have nothing to wear it to or for.
I don't feel like I have many friends, people say I'm friendly but I've had years of then trying to build friendships and being dropped. My DH says it's just the stage of life we're at but I feel judged and it is beginning to make me feel very self concious like it's something I do.
I want to start a craft but feel shit and like I can't really do anything and have no one to guide me, i feel too self concious to join a group. When someone is nice to me, I worry I come across as desperate or needy, I don't do anything, I think they just 'sense' it.
I also have been having more and more thoughts about unpleasant scenarios like me being alone when I'm old, dying in isolation or bad things happening to my DCs. I 'shut down' the thoughts that often happen as I try to go to sleep, but I'm aware they are there and haven't always been.
Does anyone recognise what I'm describing? I hope I don't sound an absolute weirdo. I've never told anyone this stuff, just wanted to get it down and out of my head.
Any thoughts appreciated......

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