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AIBU to keep it to myself?

(5 Posts)
PurpleRose1989 Fri 26-May-17 19:48:19

I don't want to offend/upset anybody so please don't read if not comfortable with issues surrounding self harm.

Hi. First time posting so a bit nervous but really don't know where to turn. Bit of background...
I started self harming around the age of 12. It was quite regular and parents eventually found out around age 16 - mum reading my diary of all things! This caused major arguments as they were really (understandably) upset, confused and angry. I told them I had stopped as they were threatening GPs, counsellors, etc. but I continued. It has become less frequent the older I have gotten but has always been a sort of ongoing issue.
Fast forward... I am now 27. Happily married, teaching and with my first baby on the way. I keep my issues well under wraps and cope in private (although DH knows about it to a certain degree). I was expecting perhaps issues with post natal depression as I am prone to bouts of 'being sad'. However, I've found pregnancy a real struggle with hormones, emotions, etc. and self harm has returned with a vengeance. I am NOT self harming anywhere near bump and ALWAYS (as always) make sure I use clean implements and clean the area afterwards.
My midwife has asked me if my moods have changed but I cannot work up the courage to tell her. I feel like this is some silly teenage thing I should've gotten over by now. The recent scars and cuts are well hidden for the moment but I'm afraid may be outed during labour.
The real problem I'm having is whether or not to talk to a professional. DH wants this but knows it's something I've always struggled to do. But can they involve social services and will I run the risk of having baby taken away? But if I don't get professional help, could I just get worse after baby's born?
Sorry for the long post. Any advice would be much appreciated smile

Gingernaut Fri 26-May-17 19:50:29

No your baby won't be whisked away.

Yes, you need to seek professional help.

Yes, it could worsen after the birth.

Wolfiefan Fri 26-May-17 19:54:41

Agree with Ginger. It's nothing to be ashamed of. But it's something you should get help and support with.

Anise7438 Fri 26-May-17 20:24:38

As someone who didn't seek help prior to the birth of her child, I strongly strongly recommend you get the support in place now. I would have been mentally much better if I'd have taken the steps beforehand, especially as I knew I wasn't well.

Social services will not take your baby away.

It will be ok. But speak to someone and ask for help.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Sat 27-May-17 17:15:31

I can understand how hard it is to seek help, I never told anyone as a teenager and have lived withvthe urges without too much difficulty until lastvyear in my mid 30s where they returned worse than ever when I was struggling with PTSD. It took me a few goes to work up the courage to tell my CPN. I set out to tell him and then backed out a few times but I felt so much better once I'd told him. He's still the only person other than my husband who I've told. He explained that it is a coping strategy and we looked at other strategies I could use to reduce my stress levels instead. Now a see the urges as a barometer of my stress levels. When they start I know I need to start using strategies such as meditation, mindfulness and exercise which I find help and consider ways to reduce stress levels, councelling, medication etc.

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