Being selfish

[FennyBridges]

Is anyone like me, and they just think that if they didn't have DC they would just kill themselves? I feel like life is so tough sometimes. My job. Sometimes my husband really shouts at me (he's not abusive he's venting his anger at something I've done wrong) and it spirals me into wanting to kill myself. I feel like I want to end it all. But I can't because I have children. Surely the life of children of a parent who has ended their own life can't be as lovely and wonderful as one who has that parent alive?

Nothing works. Not anti depressants (although only tried fluoxetine about six years ago). Not loving my job. Not holidays. Not making myself remember how lucky I am. My children are wonderful and everyone says so. I can't bear to make them suffer, but I'm not sure I can stay alive and do it well enough to want to be alive.

I suppose I wondered if anyone felt the same.

[flapjackfairy]

Oh hon i am so sorry you are struggling so much. I have felt similar myself at times in the past but i know that if i keep going on long enough i will come out the other side. I try to ignore my emotions as much as possible when i feel like this.
Go back to your gp and try something else to see if that helps. Maybe counselling And do you have anyone who can give you a break from all the stress. I have no great words of wisdom to take the pain away but send a massive hug and will be thinking of you x

[FennyBridges]

You do feel similar? How do you ignore your feelings? I know it passes and you reminded me of that., I had forgotten that yesterday. If I feel like this once or twice a week on average does is warrant a GP visit? What can they do, surely I have a greater responsibility to change? How do you get out the other side?

Thank you so much for replying! Xx

[flapjackfairy]

I have chosen not to dwell on my emotions too much when i feel low as i know that these things pass. I think a lot of it is hormonal in my case and so if i hang in there for a week or so it will resolve itself though that may not be the same for you of course.
If i think about things then i go off on a downward spiral of worry so i try to divert my mind to other things.
Another thing is that i have realised as i have got older that just because you feel something doesnt mean that it is real , so just because you feel you are crap / useless / fat ( that is me not you . No doubt you have your own list ! ) does not mean that it is true.
I know you said your husband isnt abusive but is there an issue with your relationship?
And your job? Would you be happier doing something else?
And yes see your gp. Your dear children need you so look after yourself and be kind to yourself as much as possible. You are a unique person no one else in the world can be like you . Get some help to feel better and stand tall and be proud to be who you are. I know it is easy to say and hard to do but so worth working on it x