How am I meant to know which?.. I hate my life..I hate myself..I don't want to get out of bed..and all I look forward to is going back to bed..I'm in bed now..I am a waste of space.i serve no purpose being here..I had dreams ..big dreams I was going to make a difference...but my childhood held me back .opprtunites were taken away...I never bounced back...I just don't want to be here....I'm not sure if I mean I want to walk out on my husband and kids....or if I don't want to be here at all...I feel desperate...but is that unhappy or depressed.....
You're depressed, OP. But that doesn't have to be the end of your world. Please, please, please speak to someone you trust about how you're feeling. You don't mention what kind of relationship you have with your husband, but tell him now if he's in any way supportive. If he's not, get in touch with another family member or friend to support you. And you urgently need to make an appointment with your GP to get treatment and medical support.
I'm assuming from your post that the 'making a difference' was a dream career? You can still make a difference, just perhaps not in the way you originally planned. We're all here for a purpose. But you need to look after yourself and get well before you can find yours.
Do one thing for yourself each day. Can be small things - plait your hair, paint your nails, go for a walk. One thing each day. It really does make a difference! Depression tricks you into thinking you arent worth these things, when you are!
What were your dreams? Maybe we (the rest of us, we're quite many on Mumsnet) can think of ways to bounce back! A lot of people retrain later in life, for instance. It's not too late to make a difference.
By bounced back....I mean as a young adult I had all these plans...but as a middle aged woman I can see how it would never of happened and how I didn't stand a chance...I was so determined to give my kids everything I never had..security..love..unconditional support..that I lost sight of me..and how to meet my needs..because I'm always putting everyone else first...never in my life has anyone ever put me first...I can't make sense of it...I've literally made one mistake after another..
I've felt like this most of my adult life...my parents divorced,it screwed me up,plus other crap.i was their pawn in their game.my kids were never going through that...so instead of a divorce I paint on a smile
EezerGoode It sounds like you need to speak to someone who knows you both. Someone objective who can help you see if your marriage can be saved, or if you need to look at moving on? Nobody wants that for their kids, but your kids don't want their mummy to be desperately unhappy.
Get someone to help you take control of the situation. And please talk to your GP.