Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Help me not give up on DP

(3 Posts)
DepressedDPsohard Mon 15-May-17 21:58:29


I feel like such a shit for writing this but I'm really feeling like I need to walk away from my depressed DP.

Together 8 years, no kids. He has suffered with depression mildly on and off for years but these last few months he is really bad. We went travelling together for a year, was amazing had a great time came back so happy. We planned to buy a house ASAP so to save money we moved in with our respective parents (5 mins apart). We have our wedding planned for 6 months time and were planning on TTC as soon as that happens.

Since moving back to his parents and going back to work he has been so low, it is crap going back to your parents at our age (30s) but he is in such a hole. He gets home from work and goes to bed, doesnt answer his phone, doesnt text me back. He can ignore me for days at a time unless I turn up at his door. He promises to see me/ call but just sleeps when he gets home from work. The only time he wants to go out is if he can drink.

This isnt him, he is normally so adventurous and we would go out doing things all the time.

He went to the docs and got prescribed amitryptaline about 3 months ago, it doesnt seem to be doing anything. I don't know what to do, I've found a perfect house for us even he agrees its perfect, but he wont say yes - he cant make a decision about anything. He is delaying everything to do with our wedding and the house.

I just cant keep being pushed away and ignored, I dont want to live in this limbo where he says I should just leave him then begs me not to go. I love him and want to be there but the constant rejection really hurts.

How do you get through this? What do I do? How do I avoid getting dragged down myself?

Thanks for any advice you can give and sorry I sound so horrible

MrTurtleLikesKisses Mon 15-May-17 22:24:01

Didn't want to read and run. I don't have any advice (sorry) but just need you to know that you don't sound horrible at all. Your DP is lucky to have you.
Perhaps a further chat with the doctor along with some research from your DP or yourself about what he can do to help himself.
I really hope things improve for you soon.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Tue 16-May-17 19:03:13

If the tablets he's on arn't helping he meeds to talk to his GP about something different. Not all ADs work for everyone and sometimes it takes a few goes to get the right ones. It also takes a number of weeks before you are likely to see an effect from the ones that do work so it can be a long process. I know that my husbands mental illness has left me in limbo at times where I can't make plans for the future until he is well. In these times Ihave found the best thing to do is to focus on me and doing the things that keep me well and make me happy. That means that I am in the best place to move forward either together or on my own when the time comes. So far it has always been together once he is well again.

You are right though that you can't put your life on hold indefinately and you need to put your own needs first. Its a decision only you can make about how long you can wait and what things you need for your relationship to contine. Is their any possibility of postponing the wedding to give him more recovery time?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now