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Almost run over today holding my daughter's hand...

(16 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

hollowstone Fri 12-May-17 00:22:53

Entirely my own fault I thought I had looked but didn't anticipate properly and nearly stepped out in front of a car. Saw it just in time and stepped back surprised. But, most of all I have such a feeling of disappointment that I wasn't hit. I'm glad my daughter wasn't of course. But after the shock wore off it was as if I had missed an opportunity, it was sort of perfect because it was out of the blue with no thinking time .

Ginfiend Fri 12-May-17 00:52:44

Didn't want to read and run. Do you mean you wanted to be run over?

Spuddington Fri 12-May-17 00:57:23

This is worrying OP. Do you need to talk?

Lifeisgreat2 Fri 12-May-17 01:01:54

I completely understand you. I used to havr

Lifeisgreat2 Fri 12-May-17 01:04:17

This fantasy that I was being heet by a car and I can stay home in bed and sleep.

myoriginal3 Fri 12-May-17 01:06:55

I think you are suicidal. That needs medical attention.

hollowstone Fri 12-May-17 07:11:51

Sorry I fell asleep. Yes I did want to be hit by the car. I've wanted to not exist for years now but also never have existed either which is impossible. I can't shake it. I don't known why I'm writing this.

Ariawyn Fri 12-May-17 07:16:35

Are you getting enough rear op? I know sometimes there is a feeling of 'if I was injured and had to rest then it would not be my fault aND it would be ok'

hollowstone Fri 12-May-17 07:33:46

I could always sleep more but no major issues with sleep I dont think.

Mooey89 Fri 12-May-17 07:36:06

OP I used to feel like this when my depression was at its worst.

I wasn't actively planning suicide - I didn't want it to be suicide... but I wanted to not exist anymore purely by chance, does that make sense?

See your GP sweetheart. It will be ok. flowers

hollowstone Fri 12-May-17 07:45:08

Thanks that does makes sense Mooey. What would the GP do? I can't go on antidepressants, I was on Prozac briefly about 18 years ago and it interfered with my vision and had no positive affect at all!. I've tried taking more excercise, got a new interesting job, hobbies etc. The feeling doesn't go away. A good friend commutes suicide a few months back and I know about how awful that is and was angry with them, sad of course but I know there was an element of envy too and I'm appalled at myself for that.

Pollydonia Fri 12-May-17 07:51:12

Go back to your GP. There are different types of medication and CBT. flowers

alonsypot Fri 12-May-17 08:11:51

flowers There are so many different types of medication - it's really worth a try. My husband is where you're at and the two types of pills he's on at the moment seem (touch wood and all) to be giving him a bit of a new lease on life. He's not magically wonderfully happy of course, but he's not just living numbly from moment to moment constantly. I really think anything's worth a try to make life more bearable, especially for your child's sake.

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 12-May-17 11:08:16

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. flowers

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on jo@samaritans.org. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

suilaruin Sat 13-May-17 15:10:20

I hope you get the help you need and feel better soon

erinaceus Sun 14-May-17 18:24:47

Hi hollowstone

I am so sorry that you are experiencing these feelings. I have experienced similar feelings, and I still do, sometimes. I can tell you what helped me, and what continues to help me, but what helped me might not help you. I too went through a period when I felt jealous of those who had succeeded in killing themselves, which was, as a way to feel or a set of thoughts to endure, utterly, utterly horrific, and I experienced hellish guilt because I believed - and still do believe, I suppose - that one is not "supposed" to feel that way.

Take care on roads for now. I avoid things that trigger me in the way you describe, but avoiding crossing roads might be challenging. Do you think that you are safe at the moment? And I mean this in the gentlest way possible, but is your DD safe with you, do you think? I am not and have never been a parent so I can't imagine what it might be like to be a parent and be feeling the way you are feeling at the moment.

Sending flowers

Erinaceus

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