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Feel guilty because of PND

(2 Posts)
lovethebluebells Wed 10-May-17 20:51:51

I have two DCs, the youngest is 5. I'm nearly 40 and keep having thoughts about wanting another baby. I think part of this is my clock ticking but another part is feeling that I missed out on the baby years with my youngest because of PND and I want to have another go at it.

There is no way we can afford a third child, but I just wish I didn't feel guilty because of the PND. DC2 was a lovely, content baby and I feel quite sad that I didn't appreciate this at the time. It was only when she was 6 months old or so that I got help. I'd had a bereavement during the pregnancy and I thought my feelings were down to that, but it wasn't just that in the end.

I tried two kinds of ADs with bad side effects. I was very anxious about trying any other drugs so did without and with a combination of CBT and a mindfulness course, I got back to normal again. DH reassures me that my babies didn't want for anything, they were really happy but I just don't like the feeling that I have missed out.

I love my two DCs to bits now, but when I think back on the baby times with both of them, there are some parts I can't remember. DC1 was a demanding baby, seemed to hardly sleep and had colic, and I wonder if I had some form of mild PND with him as well.

I think what I'm wondering is, has anybody else felt like this after experiences with PND? I am a bit of a worrier and always have been, even before the PND, maybe it's just my anxiety making me feel more guilty than I should be.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Sun 14-May-17 21:51:25

Bumping for you. I've no experience of PND, but what I do know is that it wasn't your fault, so you have nothing to feel guilty for. I understand it must be hard to feel like you missed out though.

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