Should I be at work? - MH getting worse

[champagnecyclist]

Ok background to this is I had poor MH for quite a long time with it getting worse, without even knowing that is what it was. I was holding down a fairly professional job, life etc but it all began unravelling. A few years ago I ended up pregnant and on my own, raised my DD (who is now 3.5) on my own. Tried to go back into work and ended up having what was probably some sort of breakdown. Went into another job where I am now not long after leaving that one - it's lower level.

Over the same time period I've tried to access some sort of help on the NHS many, many times. And I've been fobbed off and sent round to completely irrelevant services many times. I've finally had an assessment where they say they need to assess me for things like bipolar, borderline, anxiety depression.

In the past week or so I've just been so, so low. To the point where last week in work I was struggling to hold a conversation with anyone about anything, without bursting into tears. There are people in the office next to me who don't know any of this, and who think I'm a total cowbag because I don't really communicate with them - so on top of the way I"m feeling I get glares/hostility every time I pass through. My manager is supportive in terms of making the right noises, but little more.

I"m just wondering whether this is the point where I should be going to my GP and asking them to sign me off for a time period - I don't even know how long. I've never ever done that before, and am worried about the impact on my career - but what I'm going through at the moment is affecting lots of relationships at work anyway. I'm in the public sector but have a background in the private sector where I would never even have considered asking for time off like this.

I've always been able to drive myself through things before, but I'm really struggling. My next NHS appointment isn't for another 6 weeks, and I've begun trying to get access to something private but don't have anything lined up yet.

I don't even know what I would do with myself at home - am just acutely aware of not feeling at all ok, and trying to hide it all day long, and the way that's affecting me at work.

[chocolateworshipper]

Is there an occupational health department you could speak to? Also find out whether your employer offers free counselling (I am in the public sector and I get free counselling). Also do speak to your GP and discuss whether you should be signed off. Just be careful if you do get signed off as being alone and feeling depressed isn't always a great idea.

[champagnecyclist]

I've requested an appointment with OH but they haven't given it yet - only got the letter today.

I think they do offer something, but it's over the phone and I want to see a real person, find it hard to discuss difficult issues without looking someone in the face.

[chocolateworshipper]

I know what you mean about over-the-phone counselling, but maybe it would help you a little bit just until your next NHS appointment or until you can get something private? Go to the GP anyway - maybe if they can sign you off for a week or two it would give you a useful break