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Could I have a hand hold please

(26 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

BBCNewsRave Sun 07-May-17 01:14:50

.

pnutter Sun 07-May-17 01:16:45

brew

TheoriginalLEM Sun 07-May-17 01:18:23

whats up chick?

VladmirsPoutine Sun 07-May-17 01:24:37

What's going on?

Hope you are ok.

BBCNewsRave Sun 07-May-17 01:26:25

Sorry, trying to put it into words.Im just so frightened.

BBCNewsRave Sun 07-May-17 01:27:51

I'm not worth the same as other humans and i can't work out why. I know that sounds batsht but all the evidence is there. I cant explain properly.

BBCNewsRave Sun 07-May-17 01:32:56

I have MH issues. Non-psychotic. Complex trauma based. It's like there's a little me in my head, sometimes it's very hard. Now the little me is just screaming in terror, but I'm all out of strength to helpher

AssassinatedBeauty Sun 07-May-17 01:33:55

I know it's not something you'll necessarily believe, but that really isn't true. All people are worth the same, they really are. I don't think you are not worthy.

BBCNewsRave Sun 07-May-17 01:39:27

Ok, but imagine if your life played out as if that were true? How would you keep goin every day when it felt like lying to yourself to believe you were worth something?

AssassinatedBeauty Sun 07-May-17 01:46:47

Do you have anyone there with you, or that you can call?

I'm absolutely no expert at all, and probably haven't got very good advice, but I think that you just have to keep fighting against it, and keep telling yourself that you are worth something. Even if you find it hard to believe.

BBCNewsRave Sun 07-May-17 02:30:41

No-one I can call. If there was I wouldn't feel like this. Thing is, even if I believe i'm worth as much as others, the wordl doesn't treat me like that. I'm worthless to the world, alone and terrified. World is such a horrible place, people dont care bout each other

AssassinatedBeauty Sun 07-May-17 02:57:04

Do you have any emergency MH contacts you can call? Is there a crisis team who can talk to you in rl?

You're not worthless to the world. You're not worthless to me. I know it doesn't count for much as I'm on the other side of your screen, but I'm a person and I value you. I care very much for the people around me, including those I've only just met or don't really know. The same is true for nearly all of my family and friends. I'm sorry that you haven't experience enough of that, it really isn't fair.

Is there something specific that has triggered how you're feeling tonight?

Broken11Girl Sun 07-May-17 03:09:09

flowers hey, lovely. I know exactly what you mean, feeling similar right now. You're not worth less than others at all. There are some caring people in the world, who will prevail. Telling myself that anyway.

TheWorldHasGoneToCake Sun 07-May-17 07:38:17

Just sending some hugs and a brew

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sun 07-May-17 08:59:33

Are you still there Sweet ?
Let me assure you, you are very much worth it, and people do care, very much. Please don't be alone. Do you work ! Or have family ?
Come back, and let us try to help and advise you.
There is a wonderful community on this forum, we're here for you, around the clock. 😄💐

EmmanuelleMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 07-May-17 10:34:54

Hi there OP,

We're really sorry to hear things are so tough.

We hope you don't mind, but when threads like this are reported to us, we like to come on and post a link to our Mental health webguide.

We'll also be moving this thread to the Mental Health topic shortly, where we hope you'll continue to get lots of support from other Mumsnetters.

Thinking of you this morning flowers.

BBCNewsRave Sun 07-May-17 11:44:57

I hate the way society is sectioned off, with people suffering from HUMAN things and being put in "mental health" box. So I get shunted off to the tumbleweed mental health forum.
Sugarpie unfortunately I don't have much choice in being alone. I have to be able to act fine and happy and sociable to have human contact; it's very hard.
I'm just so frightened about everything, election is making it worse, seems the tories did good job of divide and rule. They're going to win and continue with their plan to make things intolerable.

erinaceus Sun 07-May-17 12:29:32

Oi! Don't call it the tumbleweed Mental Health forum! I like it here. grin

As for how I keep going, I find the regular threads here help - at the moment there's a "small steps" one and there's a few others. Another thing that helps is hanging out places where I don't have to be able to act fine and happy and sociable to have human contact. There are a few of those around.

I am finding the political instability difficult. There is a thread that I just bumped about that called "Brexit result and mental health". I am currently recommending dystopian fiction on that thread though, which may not be your coping strategy.

I find the Samaritans help me when the shit hits the fan; ymmv. I'm not a fan of the crisis team; ymmv on that as well so do call them if they help you.

Keep posting if it helps flowers

BBCNewsRave Sun 07-May-17 12:43:01

Sorry, its hard to explain what I mean. Its like people have problems caused by life, by other humans, yet it gets labelled "mental health" and they are othered and shunted off separately. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't even HAVE mental health problems now, so it's very upsetting. It also means if you are labelled as having MH issues people don't give a shit about other things either, like it's just expected you should have a crap life and be grateful, not want normal things. Like people can't understand the pain everyday of not having a job, children, etc - I'm just a mental who should be glad for a roof over my head. Being treated as lesser is horrible.

BBCNewsRave Sun 07-May-17 12:51:21

I'm also not that bothered about Brexit - the tories being in power is the worse thing for me. Was an undecided for ages with Brexit, although didnt like the way either campaign was run. That upset me more actually - people are so tribal. You see it in all areas of life, always causing problems. Peple don't care about facts or objectivity, they side with those they have decided are in their "tribe", and condemn others, rather than looking at the actual situation. Or they just label something (eg. "racism") and glaze over with ideological fervour, without thinking. So those of us who struggle due to "ism's" that no-one gives a shit about, or haven't even been named, are still marginalised but they can pat themselves on the back for being such inclusive social justic warriors.
Hope that makes sense. It's just so horrific - being pleasant, loyal, honest, doesn;t matter, you just need to be able to manipulate people...

BBCNewsRave Sun 07-May-17 13:00:52

I dont have any places where its ok not to be fine and still have human contact.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sun 07-May-17 13:23:11

Hi OP, I'm glad you came back. I spend a lot of time alone, the vast majority of it. But I have my dog, and go out walking, we're a team. We walk rain or shine, stop to chat, do our own thing, and come home, as I am a socially inadequate person. It's all about very small steps.
I hear what you are saying about the way people are often treat, regarding their mental health, but people with physical disabilities are often treat the very same. It's true, we can be spoken to, as if we are not a whole person. Try not to over concern yourself about the state of the country, life is all about change, swings and roundabouts.
You really do count, please try and be kind to yourself.

BBCNewsRave Tue 09-May-17 12:32:17

please help, i dont know how to deal with the pain anymore

BBCNewsRave Tue 09-May-17 12:38:55

I cant cope with a life time of people treating me like shit, using me, treating me worse than others, sexual assualt, men pretending to be friends but trying to control me byt saying the "love" me and making things awkward, people who leave me because I'm traumatised... etc etc.

I always wanted to be kind to people, thought people should help each other, knew from young age friendship and so on mattered much more than money. This has just made me a weirdo who has different outlook so doesn't fit in, and where I have seemed to fit in people always have other friends longer than me so I get dropped easily.

I cant understand how some people go off the rails spectacularly, do stupid things like drink and hit people, yet people make excuses fpr them and care, and they seem to be fine again quite quickly. Whereas people like me who are suffering but just need support, not taking it out on others, get dumped and end up still struggling years later, with neverending nightmares and memories of all the people who have treated me as subhuman

BBCNewsRave Tue 09-May-17 13:08:41

Sorry blush
I know that sounds really paranoid, but it's true. The people who have been decent, respectful friends all live miles away now. I think part of the problem has been trusting people too soon, I think I've got much better at keeping things to myself when things are bad, and much better with boundaries/being able to walk away. Unfortunately whilst this may screen out certain people, it doesn't help with becoming friends with the other people, and situational factors eg. I will always be the newbie in a group! I'm heartily sick of men too - those who have gone in for a quick grope but are such charming feminist men to everyone else, so I'd look batshit if I said anything... those who are apparently friendly but have other intentions (even if perfectly honourably) so the dynamic is either awkward or I haven't twigged they "like" me like that so get confused when they suddenly withdraw friendship later down the line.
Because I am so isolated now I feel I've drawn a line under all this and am ready and waiting with a take-no-shit attitude (used to always think just of others so was abusers dream). But I'm struggling to deal with a lifetime of being devalued, all the memories. I feel like I've missed out on normal socialising to enough of a degree that I've missed something important so don't fit in. I love MN because there's a lot of women who understand the issues with men (esp. abusive ones) and people talk about everything under the sun (and can generally thrash it out without mansplainers dominating, unlike irl!), and the humour... I dunno, I just wish it was real life. confused

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