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Love, mental health, children and society expectations

(3 Posts)
Quillqueen Sat 29-Apr-17 21:17:39

I'm facing a bit of a problem here in my life and I don't exactly know what to do.

My main problem being love; I genuinely don't know if I'll find it - ever. Not that I feel hopeless that omg no one likes me- I know there's in the end always someone for you. But I have tried dating for 7 years - I'm 32 now - I just never seem comfortable with guys - (and I'm not into girls either) genuinely I just love being on my own and single. Which in the end I'm okay with - but here's the trouble:

I keep feeling like I want to be with someone, in the end it's because I really want children one day, and I can't have them on my own (technically yes,) but I can't due to my mental health problems. I won't physically have the energy to have raise a child on my own, and I don't have parents or anything to help. I also don't have the financial stability to actually have children. Since I'm mentally ill: borderline, anxiety and periodic depression; I can't work full time so part time is not helping a lot to this.

Also sometimes I find myself feeling pathetic and stupid because everyone in my family and friends are moving forward: getting boy/girlfriends, getting married, having children. Which is sometimes all I want - to feel like I have something in my life to look forward to. I get jealous sometimes, then feel lonely and sad. And then I get into that stressed position where I'm trying to find someone and date again because my only chance to have a 'family' is with someone else - which is also a shame because that's for the wrong reasons.

But due to all this.... I'm just stuck. I feel like I have nothing in my life to really look forward to. I won't ever find someone because I don't think I want that deep down, but if I can't find someone I can't have children...

So it's like I'm just living to not make people sad. I don't really have anything to live for.

Anyone ever felt like this? Experienced this? Know what to do?

Maybe I will find someone but I keep looking for this because I panic over not finding someone - and people always say I should stop thinking about it and then it will come, but I can't stop thinking about finding someone because it's my only chance to have kids!

This is really confusing I'm sorry but I hope you get where I'm going with this. I'm just looking to see if anyone ever felt that way? Or any advice ?

Regards me

NolongerAnxiousCarer Sun 30-Apr-17 19:03:17

That sounds a tough situation. I don't know a lot about BPD, but I believe it does make forming relationships harder. I certainly relate to feeling the old biological clock ticking and weighing up having kids when there is serious mental illness, in our case DPs. Sorry I don't have any advice though.

Quillqueen Sun 30-Apr-17 19:19:49

It's okay. YEs borderline makes it very hard to form relationships. So I've just come to terms with that I don't want a boyfriend.. but I want children. But can't have children alone. So... it's a bit of dilemma. If I have to live my life alone without children I feel that I might as well just end it early, because that just seems pointless, to me. sad

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