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Supporting a friend with depression.

(2 Posts)
UnoriginalNamechanger Fri 28-Apr-17 17:41:58

my friend has serious depression. Has done for many many years but had a big breakdown a couple of years ago and hasn't been the same since. Although she is now 'better' in that she is stable on medication and no longer suicidal she isn't the same person and I'm struggling with it. And I miss her.
She is now very very selfish. Everything, every conversation, where we meet, when we meet, what we do, what we talk about is about her. It always comes back round to her, how she feels, what a hard time she has had. Every time. I completely understand that her illness is a big part of her and who she is but it's not everything.
She is quite paranoid still. If anything is going slightly wrong then she will fixate on it and somebody involved (family member or colleague) and bang on and on and on about it and makes the other person into this massive monster, when the original slight or issue was tiny. There is no reasoning with her when she does this as then I am also the bad one and against her. I am expected to agree with her and support her without looking at other options or ideas. It is like treading on eggshells (I have a DC with autism, I know what this is like when mood swings give you whiplash).
Every conversation is like this. We can be chatting happily about something nice, kids, music, films, something ordinary, then the conversation will swing round to how her illness is in relation to whatever the topic is. All the time. It is exhausting and frankly boring.
I don't know what I can do. It's been like this for years and she is more better now than she has been for ages but it is still all about her. And I have issues sometimes too. What about me? Sometimes I want to chat about a crap day or feeling a bit low without it being lessened because her days have been crapper and she is lower. And sometimes I don't want to drive 90 minutes for lunch. Sometimes it would be nice for her to come here.
And mostly I am sad because this person isn't my friend. My friend was lovely and kind and funny and supportive. And she's gone.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Fri 28-Apr-17 21:24:36

Recovering from depression in a long journey and often when we are depressed it takes all our effort to cope with ourselves, how we are feeling and how things affect us and we don't have the energy to deal with other peoples problems. Unfortunately your friend may not be able to support you in the way you need. You need to put yourself first and it may be that you need to limit your conact with your friend for a while, or set some boundries. Unfortunately I lost a friend who was going through a tough time when I had depression because neither of us was in a place to support each other at the time andcthe friendship never recovered.

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