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How do I stop rehearsing arguments in my head when angry?

(10 Posts)
user1471547428 Thu 27-Apr-17 23:10:56


I don't generally have major mental health issues, I hope this is the right place to post.

When I have an encounter with someone which leaves me angry and frustrated, I end up ranting and arguing with them in my head. Sometimes for whole days and nights whenever my mind isn't directly dealing with something else. It's all the things I want to say, but I can't because it's often a more senior colleague, or similar.

I feel it's getting worse, I have a difficult situation at work and this is taking up so much of my mental energy. I had a job interview today but instead of preparing my mind was doing this useless repetition. If I wake up in the night I can't get back to sleep.

Any ideas on how I can stop this and deal with situations more productively would be very appreciated. Thank you.

zen1 Thu 27-Apr-17 23:21:07

I don't know OP, but I am the same. I ruminate about things for days where I wish I had said something at the time. Sometimes it stops me sleeping and I end up going over the situation in my head until 3 in the morning. As you say, it takes up a lot of energy and just makes you more stressed. I would like a way to deal with it as well.

Pinkgeek Thu 27-Apr-17 23:23:14

I'm in this club too. I catch myself ranting out loud to myself sometimes too!
It's good to get it off your chest but it is stressful. I don't really have any answers but perhaps try writing it all down?

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Fri 28-Apr-17 08:35:36

The result of not hitting some arsehole out of politeness when in fact you should have given them a very sharp kick to the head.

Sorry is tongue in cheek but I also know what you mean. Made all the worse by not being very fast with the sharp put down and thinking of what you could have said afterwards.

GuinessPunch Fri 28-Apr-17 08:38:05

Op I do this too. It almost becomes an obsession for a while and I can't stop it.
I also have random thoughts coming into my mind and certain times when I am doing something the phrases or images come into my head then go again.

I don't have mental health issues either!

AlternativeTentacle Fri 28-Apr-17 08:47:59

Me too. I think it is pretty human to do this, go over what you could, should, can, should have said. It's part of the rational side of us.

UrsulaPandress Fri 28-Apr-17 08:50:37

Isn't this normal?

offblackeggshell Fri 28-Apr-17 08:51:13

I only managed to stop it by having CBT. Could you have a google for some CBT exercises to get you going? Or try Headspace?

user1471547428 Sat 29-Apr-17 14:06:38

Thanks, I will Google that. It may be normal but sometimes seems excessive!

floraeasy Sat 29-Apr-17 14:12:17

I totally get where you are coming from.

What you need are tips on how to release the tension you are feeling. It's only natural, of course, but must be released in a healthy way.

Try vigorous exercise if you can.
Punch a pillow!
Dance it off.
Watch a film like Office Space or Horrible Bosses.
Pick up an engrossing book.
Post in Mumsnet for advice and a kick up the bottom. Then move on!
Speak to a helpful friend for 1/2 an hour and get it out of your system before moving on.

The mind cannot hold two thoughts at once. If you are fully concentrating on something else, there will be no room to ruminate.

Easier said than done, but a skill you can work on and eventually master.

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