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Dd 12 help for anxiety?(7 Posts)
My dd 12 has always been hard on herself and pushes herself, she's quite bright but since she's started at secondary school it's really kicked it up majorly. She wanted to go on a trip to France right at the start of term but then changed her mind and worried constantly about travel sickness, the ferry crashing/sinking etc.
She likes things her own way and will kick off at the simplest things like if her hair won't go right in the morning etc
This morning we had major tantrums she didn't want to go to school said she wasn't feeling well - she has p.e first thing and had something new which she was panicking about. She escalated into screaming I hate you for rest of my life/you can't make me/i'lol ring in sick myself/I'm going to tell everyone you hit me etc I ignored her she eventually huffed and puffed and took herself to school then texted me later saying sorry for this morning!
I can't handle it when she starts so can't imagine what's going off in her head! Is this anxiety? What do I do? Can I get her help??
Hi. It does sound as though she was highly anxious about doing pe. I had similar problems with my dd12 when she started at secondary school in September. She wasn't put in any of the same lessons as her friends and I noticed the mornings she played up the most and pretended to be ill were the days she had pe, dance or drama, basically anything that involved her having to perform. One morning she got so worked up she had a panic attack so I kept her off school and emailed her tutor about the problems she was having. Her tutor rang me and we discussed what would help, she told me to let dd know that she could sit out of the lessons she was struggling with until she felt more confident as they would rather have her in school missing a few lessons than out of school doing none. After a couple of weeks she made new friends and was then fine to take part. The school also allocated her a peer mentor, an older child that she could talk to if she had any problems.
She has lots of friends and generally loves sport of any form (football team and netball team) it's usually school work and her hair that sets her off
What is it about her hair that sets her off? Just if it doesn't go right? Is she being bullied around that - like one day it was messy and she got teased so now it has to be perfect to make sure they don't pick on her again?
She has naturally curly hair but she ties it up for school everyday and her hair has to be flat to her head no lumps or bumps she says she can feel them even though it looks great to me! She said everyone always likes her hair but she wants it to be perfect, she is friends with the most popular group in her year but doesn't get too involved with them - not her type of friends so she said
How's her sleeping? Appetite? Is she able to do things with her friends that is normal for her age i.e. is she avoiding things that should really be ok for someone her age because she's worried about something? I think the first port of call would be talking to your GP to see what they think and if they can refer her for assessment. The NHS wait is very long so don't wait - if you think she needs a referral ask now.
It's also a funny age, my dads were very up and down between 12-16. One dd has had anxiety since age 7 and has perfectionist tendencies like you describe with her hair. Good to get help sooner rather than later as GCSE pressure can be very challenging for a someone with anxiety
Her sleeping is pretty normal for her age - goes to bed around 9:30. Her appetite is good except she doesn't eat breakfast as never hungry in morning. She went into shopping centre with her bff yesterday to pics and bit of shopping but she doesn't like the park where a lot of girls hang out cos she says it's boring just sat around (agreed!!)
She had her s.a.ts last year and did put a lot of pressure on herself and I think that's my worry she will get worse with work load as she gets older - will speak to gp x
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