Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

How to open up and ask for help?

(25 Posts)
TwentyCups Sun 23-Apr-17 20:45:33

Backstory is I have struggled with disordered eating since being a teenager. I'm pretty regular on a lot of food threads on here, I spend a huge amount of time thinking about food and increasingly less time actually eating any.

When I met my DP I was not well and he helped me out of a bad place. Over the last few months I can feel the bad habits creeping in and the panic over what I eat returning. He has noticed this and asked if i am ok. I told him I was, but I've been thinking and I'm obviously not. I need to ask for help but I'm scared of losing control over what I eat. I love him and I want to talk about it with him I just don't know how to start. Can anyone help?

Wormulonian Sun 23-Apr-17 22:42:00

So sorry you are feeling this way. Could you email him with what you have just said here? or write and leave him a note?

Is there a counsellor or centre that helped you before whom you could contact again?

TwentyCups Mon 24-Apr-17 08:21:29

Thank you for replying worm. I've told my partner exactly what I put here and we've contacted a local centre for a self referral. It's a bit scary, I've ever done that before.

Imi22sleeping Mon 24-Apr-17 13:22:52

Pm me. My husbands going throigh a eating disorder its hell on earth for us both.

TwentyCups Mon 24-Apr-17 20:11:25

I've pm'd you Imi thank you.

I had a call from the centre today they've arranged for me to have a telephone assessment tomororrow lunchtime. I have no idea what to expect. Is there anyone here who was experienced this?

ParmaViolets17 Tue 25-Apr-17 03:46:27

No relevant experience OP, just wanted to say well done for being honest with your partner and for reaching out for professional help. You've been really brave flowers

I'd guess the centre will want to talk through your history and what's currently going on that made you contact them. Writing a few notes before the call might make you feel more in control. Also write down any questions you have for them.

Keep being as honest and open as you can. When I first went to see a GP about my depression, I kept telling myself that no matter how bad I felt, this was her job and she'd have heard it all before. They won't judge you.

Good luck flowers

Wormulonian Tue 25-Apr-17 15:43:31

So glad you are getting help. Well done for taking this step it is incredibly difficult and you have been so brave.

TwentyCups Tue 25-Apr-17 18:31:23

Thank you everyone. I had my telephone assessment today and they have arranged for me to come in for a full assessment to see if they are able to offer me therapy. It's going to have to go on my GP record which seems scary like it's finally become real.

At the moment I feel like I'm making a fuss over nothing and I honestly think I'm going to turn up, be weighed and told there's nothing wrong with me. I feel too fat for an eating disorder - I've been much thinner before this. But then I remember that it didn't feel like I was thin enough for it to really be a problem then too. I don't think I've got a grasp on how I really look any more. I wish I Could read other people's minds to know if mine is normal. I always think that other people probably make themselves sick every so often, and I know loads of women diet so maybe the things I do actually are perfectly normal? I honestly don't know any more.

My BMI is around 21 now I think so it's not like I'm underweight either. My partner says it's no good waiting til I am to get help and that it's better to do it now but what does recovery mean when you don't have weight to gain? I would like to be a stone thinner really, but I don't think I'll be allowed to continue restricting like I am once I'm seeing a therapist and dietician. And then I think I'm being stupid and basically sabotaging a perfectly normal diet that loads of other people go on.

My head hurts from thinking about it all.

OliviaBenson Tue 25-Apr-17 19:22:55

Your last post is precisely why you need to go to councilling. A BMI of 21 is thin and you talk about wanting to lose more and sabotaging.

Well done for recognising it early. Do try and engage with the professionals. Best of luck.

Wormulonian Wed 26-Apr-17 08:34:43

TwentyCups your DP is right - it is better to get help now, especially if there are delays in setting the therapy and dietician up. You are doing the right thing in seeking help - be proud of yourself that you are strong enough to do this.

scoobydoo1971 Wed 26-Apr-17 09:11:57

BMI of 21 is within healthy range, but it is not healthy if achieved through food deprivation - malnutrition makes you feel awful and long-term affects fertility and bone density. My husband has a low BMI of 18 due to medical condition of gastritis. He looks much older than he is, and his teeth are terribly fragile, amd he always gets sickness bugs - most people would view him as someone with anorexia nervosa even though he eats like a horse. Your BMI is not the only thing in an eating is a disordered pattern of thinking about food, calores, body image...often linked to underlying depressive illness and subject to relapse/ remission. Cognitive behavioural therapy can be helpful for some people. If the interventions offered to you are not working, speak up and get different types of help. There are lots of charities online with self-help guides to supplement professional help.

TwentyCups Wed 03-May-17 21:47:02

Is anyone around? I'm having a really bad day could use a chat if anyone is.

Wormulonian Thu 04-May-17 08:16:04

Twentycups - I hope you are feeling a bit better this morning and got through the night. Have you made a GP appointment yet? You are brave and strong.

TwentyCups Thu 04-May-17 15:52:55

I'm due for my assessment at the clinic at the end of next week. Feels a long way away. Thought I was doing fine and considering cancelling, but had the house to myself all last night and ended up throwing up most of what I ate all day, which wasnt much sad

Wormulonian Thu 04-May-17 16:19:18

What helped you through the worst times in the past? How did you manage to overcome your fears and behaviours?

I'm thinking of some examples: just planning to get through one day at a time, walks, gratitude thinking, giving yourself "best friend" advice? having someone around 24/7? Acknowledging you have an illness and that your brain is giving you the wrong signals and messages? Breathing exercises?

Don't cancel the appointment - make sure you go even if you feel fine on the day. Try and stay in the system. Don't feel guilty or bad if you have slip ups - you are moving forward.

TwentyCups Thu 04-May-17 17:51:32

I can't remember exactly how I've got better in the past, I remember how it felt to be better I just don't know how to feel that again if it makes sense.

I think trying not to be alone around meal times/immediately after is best for now. I've made some plans for tomorrow to make sure I won't be again.

Wormulonian Thu 04-May-17 18:46:55

Hi - I think it shows a lot of self care and strength that you have taken the step to open up and ask for help from your DP and are going to see the GP (despite what your brain might be telling you). Two massive steps. You have also identified a problem of being alone around mealtimes and are taking steps to address that. You are trying to take control of the situation in a self loving way which is really positive.

Are there any other triggers/difficult times you can identify and find ways to help assuage your feelings and potential actions?

I hope you have a nice evening.

Wormulonian Thu 04-May-17 18:49:33

I have noticed that there is an Eating disorders board within the Health section. You might think of moving this thread there to get advice from people with more experience if you think that would be a good idea.

TwentyCups Fri 05-May-17 12:24:22

Thanks worm I'm feeling better today, it helps that my period bloat has gone so I feel better about my body today. I don't know about moving it to eating disorders, maybe just mental health? I'll report it. Hopefully get some more people who may have experience (although you have really helped me this week, thank you)

LornaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 05-May-17 13:12:33

Hi all,

The OP has asked us to move this thread over to mental health and so we're going to send it over now.

Sending strength and love from all at MNHQ.


TwentyCups Fri 05-May-17 16:07:40

Thank you.
So it's one week to assessment now. Goals for this week are simply to eat two meals a day and not be sick after any of them. I was considering writing some notes to take in with me when I go. Does anyone know if I can expect to be weighed? I've not weighed myself for a bit now and terrified of a gain but know I shouldn't be hoping for a loss.

Wormulonian Fri 12-May-17 09:26:11

Hope everything goes well for you today.

TwentyCups Fri 12-May-17 20:02:27

Thank you for thinking of me. It was a bit scary and she asked me a whole ton of questions I wasn't really prepared for but they seem like nice people and say they think they can help me. I should be able to start having sessions with them I'm on a waiting list for treatment now.

Wormulonian Fri 12-May-17 21:57:08

Good-I do hope the wait is short.

TwentyCups Fri 12-May-17 23:49:00

Thank you smile I've been advised it will be maximum two months but hopefully a bit less.

It feels good to have taken a step to help myself - I'm really glad I went. Thank you for the encouragement flowers

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: