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What's Wrong With Me

(9 Posts)
RedHeadMumma Tue 18-Apr-17 22:20:43

Hello everyone,
I'll try to keep this short but I just wanted to know if anyone has felt anything similar. Well Me and my OH are both 19 we have a child who's 2. When she was born we moved in with his parents and siblings and are still living there. His mum has since moved out and I've basically taken over her roles Cleaning, food shopping and cooking dinner for everyone, stuff like that. When we moved in his big brother, gf and 2 kids moved in. We basically hate each other some other stuff happened but it's too much to go into. Well lately I've been very sad, more than usual. Life been getting on top of me with the stress of having to look after my 2YR old and his siblings and keep the house clean all by myself, I just am struggling. There's a bad atmosphere In the house and it's just awful living here. My family are 7 hours away and I can't drive so I'm alone. Me and my OH have been arguing lately too. We tried to have sex the other night and I cried and again tonight for the second time. Am I falling apart or is this just normal ? I feel like running away which after everything that's happened since living here doesn't sound like a bad idea but my dad wasn't around and I don't want the same for my LO. He hasn't been the best dad with helping out but he's trying, I think it's just me and I'm just being dramatic maybe? Anyone else feel like this ?

gamerchick Tue 18-Apr-17 22:24:40

Could you go home for a while? There are trains.

Why are you doing the running of the house alone? What is everyone else including your bloke doing?

NolongerAnxiousCarer Tue 18-Apr-17 23:52:11

I don't think theres anything 'wrong' with you. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I think this is a normal response to the stress on you, its your body's way of telling you there needs to be some changes or you will get poorly. Have you talked to your OH about how you are feeling and what you need from him? It shouldn't be a case of him helping out, he needs to stel up to his responsibilities and do his fair share. How many adults are there living in the house, and how many of these are contributing to the running of the household?

It might also be worth seeing your GP, if you need some help to get out of this low place you are in in order to make some changes.

Rossigigi Wed 19-Apr-17 08:21:34

I didn't want to read and run. You sound like you have a lot going on and it's no wonder you are feeling low. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, I think something is wrong with how you are supported in the house.
Can you talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you are struggling to manage and could he help to support you more in your home? When you are doing all the daily upkeep what do the others do? Looking after a 2 year old is hard in itself and even mums with lots of support often find it difficult.
I would suggest maybe having a chat with your GP, explaining how you are feeling, just incase you may have slipped into depression and they can help you with this. Or maybe a chat with your health visitor?
I'm sorry lovely you are feeling like thisflowers

KeemaNaan Wed 19-Apr-17 10:58:29

I don't think that there's anything wrong with you other than your circumstances are getting you down. The problem is that if it goes on like this for much longer you could well end up properly depressed and while there's no shame in that, it would be a pity if you ended up unwell when there are things that could happen now that would make you better.

First off, being the mum of a 2yo is hard work, even if you love them to bits.
Living in a house with people you don't get on with is hard work and stressful.
Being left to do everything around the house is hard work and stressful.

So a few suggestions. Speak to your OH about how you are feeling and how being expected to clear up and cook for everyone isn't fair. Also talk to him about how living with his brother and family, when the relationship is strained is making you stressed and unwell. If you are open and honest with him about how you are feeling, its a good start.

Second is to start looking into whether you can move. Get yourselves onto a housing list, start looking for private rental properties. Start saving everything you can for a deposit. If you can't afford it now, make a plan, put money away and work towards moving out. That will give you hope about the future, so it doesn't make you feel like you're so stuck.

Lastly - go and visit your family. Take your DD, have a break of a few weeks. Put it to your OH as you wanting to spend some quality time with your family. If you are not there, they will have to cook and clean for themselves - they are all capable - and maybe the break will give you the strength so that when you come back, you make it clear that you are not going to get back into how it was before.

I know the easy thing would be to stay where you are, but its not worth your health. I hope this helps.

RedHeadMumma Wed 19-Apr-17 15:34:06

Thanks everyone for being so kind, I've told my OH about how I'm feeling and he does feel sad that it's his family making me feel this way but any time I mention going to talk to my GP he gets weirded out like he thinks if I get put on tablets I'll be "reliant" on them. Also in the house there is 4 Adult other than me and my OH, His dad, 2 brothers and his brothers gf. His sister turns 18 in a couple of months. No one really helps out and they are all lazy, they didn't have much responsibility as their mum did everything but I've fell into that role, I shouldn't of let that happen but I wanted to be liked tbh and now I can't say "no". I'm planing a week away to my sisters hopefully I'll feel a bit better after that confused

gamerchick Wed 19-Apr-17 15:45:05

Your blok doesn't get to say about anything what happens between you and you GP. Apart from feeling sad about it he should be setting a rocket off under the arses of his family about pulling their weight.

Maybe 2 weeks away to your sisters might be better. A complete rest is what you need and some headspace.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Wed 19-Apr-17 19:07:01

I second what gamer says, I take it that your bf is not a Dr, and therefore is not qualified to have an opinion on your treatment by your GP. Even if he was a Dr, its not his decision. If you need to have ADs then that is not a weakness and it often isn't forever, just for a short while. If you had an infection would he tall you not to take antibiotics incase you became dependant on them?

The thing is though ADs might help the symptoms, but they won't tackle the cause. A psychiatric nurse once explained to me that depression is usually caused by stress. You need to tackle the stress to get well again and youf bf needs to be supporting you in this. The only people in that house that you are responsible for are yourself and your DD. If you stop taking responsibility for the others they will have to step into the void. They will probably not like it much initially, but your health is more important than their wants and needs.

A bit of time away sounds like a really good plan to get some rest and to do some of the things you enjoy. It might also help you get some perspective. You say you don't want your DC to grow up without a Dad, but what sort of male role model do you want for her? Do you want her to grow up expecting that her role as an adult will be to look after everyone, or do you want her to expect her OH will pull his weight. We absorb so much from our parents roles. It sounds like your bf needs to step up and support you.

RedHeadMumma Thu 20-Apr-17 13:43:03

Thanks everyone for the replies, I've arranged some time away. Hopefully being away from it all will help clear my head. I appreciate all the advice it's helped me a lot

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