Intrusive thoughts !

[lostmind]

I don't even know where to start I'm in a bubble at the moment I can't get out of....
I've always suffered with anxiety and OCD and about 8 years ago the thoughts started.... it was a bad time and I did get past it and lived a happy life until more recently it's started again I don't want to say the thoughts but they are unwanted :(
I worry a lot and sit feeling like an awful person and the guilt is immense !!!!
May I also add im pregnant everyone will say it's my hormones but I agree until I get anxious over that too ! Any advice or just a hug would be helpful as I don't want to speak about it to anyone I know :(
Thanks in advance
Xxxxx

[lostmind]

I get no one understands !

[Funnyonion17]

Hey, seriously everyone has them. I know it's hard not to judge yourself etc, but they are normal.

I'm pregnant too, i have intrusive thoughts aswell. I've had them all my life, they are only an issue if you react and get distressed. It's not the fact your having the thought remember, as everything thinks odd, deprived, strange, perverse, angry basically thoughts about anything now and again. A person prone to over thinking, or a hormonal person will often react more if they don't understand how to deal with them.

If you ever want to chat, PM me. There's nothing your thinking i haven't herd before at support groups etc. I'm mostly over them now, so have hope you can learn to be ok about them too. Also open up to your doctor, ask for CBT for changing your reaction to them.

[lostmind]

Thank you for replying I really appreciate it !
What do you mean react like I am reacting now ? Haha
I just can't get my head around them and then when I have one I worry I wanted it and so on it's all to much !
Congrats by the way
Xx

[lostmind]

I worry now how I've passed them off for so long and I've spiked again

[Funnyonion17]

Thankyou, you too!

Ok I'm not a MH professional but i can advise what i think from personal experience and advise I've had from professionals.

Do you worry why your thinking them? Think it's wrong or bad to think them?
Try not to think them?
Compare yourself to other people and assume they wouldn't think them?
Worry if they have meaning about who you are as a person or what you believe?
Try and disprove them or figure them out?

They are examples of pushing a thought away which then makes them come back a lot. In the act of trying so hard to be rid of them, it keeps them on your radar as you condition yourself not to think them. Have you had any therapy, or seen any self help advise from professionals? It can really help to let them go

[Funnyonion17]

Sorry if my advise is so badly written, it's been a long day and my brains fried argh.

[msrisotto]

Hello op, as pp said, everybody gets intrusive thoughts. I get them too but I acknowledge them, laugh at what a weirdo I am and carry on with whatever I was doing.

If you wanted it, it wouldn't be disturbing you so much.

Would it help you if we shared our weird intrusive thoughts? I get random images of me yanking the steering wheel into the pavement/bridge/ditch whatever. I have images of kissing my colleague who i'm having a meeting with. I feel like I might jump off balconies and things. All totally normal.

[msrisotto]

I am a mental health professional btw

[lostmind]

Yes onion(hope you don't mind) all of them things I worry what if people knew what I thought and then I worry cause I have the thoughts at wrong times !
Yes please share them it may help me I do try and nudge them away knowing it's not my character but then I still feel bad for having them so to speak

[lostmind]

Risotto really appreciate your reply xx

[Funnyonion17]

I have those same ones too Msrisotto!

I've felt at times like yelling out unacceptable things in public, I've been chopping food and imagined stabbing someone, I've crossed roads with my babies in prams or bathed them and had thoughts about harming them. All totally normal and they don't reflect me or my desires, i guess sometimes my mind just shows me random stuff and even things I've seen in films etc at times i may be faced with similar scenarios.

[Funnyonion17]

op its not what your thinking that's the problem, it's your reaction. Your being very harsh and judging yourself rather then letting go. That used to be me. In time with the right help and practice you can learn a new response and your anxiety will calm.

[lostmind]

Yeah I've prob had all of them from time to time, i often worry I've already said something stupid and forgot.
Or done something and forgot if that makes sense :(:(
Mine are more sexual well there the ones that affect me Loren

[lostmind]

Sorry more not Loren

[Funnyonion17]

I've had sexual ones too, anything goes with intrusive thoughts. I've also worried I've done or said something and not remembered. Then mentally obsessed to try remember.

I used to worry I'd ran someone over and not remembered! The states i got in when a local hit and run story was on the news. I can laugh now totally, but at the time through my obsessing i was sensitised to it all and found it hard to be rational. In the end i changed my thought patterns. Decided i will take him risk and stop trying to obsessively check my memory etc. My anxiety soon calmed and with that came a lot of reasoning.

Anxiety won't calm if you check and obsess, as it sets your adrenals off and then you obsess more and the cycle begins. I think those prone to needing certainty etc are definitely more likely to get anxious and spiral, so try the oposite.

[lostmind]

The smallest of things can set me off and even just seeing a photo on social media can ruin my day and then I think people would think I'm awful !
I do over think anything and everything my mum has always called me a worrier to be fair ....
I've worried about death I've worried about cancer I've worried about my child being poorly I've worried about being a bad parent I've worried about how others perceive me and I feel selfish for that

[lostmind]

I've heard of the running people over one it's very common isn't it which I suppose makes all of it common it's just feels so real in my own little head !!!!

[Funnyonion17]

I think the scariest part is how real it feels, it feels like your going mad doesn't it? But you aren't. You can let it feel real. That's your fear response conditioned by all the checking, obsessing and guilt tripping. Your fear response at first will react acutely to the slightest things, as you say a picture or a documentary about abuse etc. That's totally normal for it to react massively at first, but it won't do that once you adopt and practice healthier responses towards thoughts. It gets easier and easier, just the first hurdle can be hard when responses are so high. But they with the right approach they will change

[msrisotto]

Have you ever spoken to a therapist op? I really recommend it. Not just for you, but for anyone. I found it a fascinating experience and really got to understand myself more.

You probably have other intrusive thoughts which don't bother you and don't stick in your mind so much, it's always the most shocking, shameful ones that get to us.

[lostmind]

Your both so right, I know this.
Just hard to grasp and I know I need to let them be there but that doesn't seem to sit well either?
Sometimes I feel like I enjoyed it and acted (not actually) but I don't know my heads everywhere

[msrisotto]

You're absolutely right, you do need to just let them be. Your thoughts are a part of you. They don't define you though.

Thinking about accepting the thoughts....
Can you imagine if your friends and family just about brought themselves to tolerate you. If they allowed you to exist, to be in the same room as them and learned to live with the fact that you were there. Would you be happy with that? I wouldn't. You want to be wholeheartedly accepted and even welcomed for all your faults and positive and mundane bits of you. It's the same with you and your intrusive thoughts (and me and the way I feel about my body/nose/selfish streak etc etc). We have to live with ourselves for what we are including these quirky bits.

[lostmind]

Your advice is helping a lot both of you and it's very welcomed,
No your right I wouldn't like that.
It's funny you should say that I always worry about my face eyes nose lips hair cheeks and what others see me like infact I'd go as far to say I obsess about being ugly even though no one has ever said it except exes!
I also stress over the way I've tested others

[lostmind]

I'm worrying over this bloody post now!!!!

[msrisotto]

Have you thought seeing a therapist?

[lostmind]

It's hard where I live TBH they put you on a very long waiting list I was diognosed with mild OCD and anxiety which I know it's not mild and my anxiety has pretty much crippled me at times !