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Feel worse after talking to others IRL

(3 Posts)
elephantcuddles Sat 08-Apr-17 14:09:30

I'm going through a difficult time and my life is in upheaval at the moment. I have to move out of the house I'm in as of next Friday - less than a week from today.

In a moment of desperation just to talk about some things on my mind and some decisions I have to make, I confided in a family friend and now I wish I hadn't. Her replied were annoying, irritating, and I am still thinking about stuff she said the next day. I really wish I had never opened up to her at all. This isn't the first time I've regretted opening up to someone. I'm very introverted by nature. Now I feel exposed. She said some things that felt insulting and others were just a little condescending (telling me that I can't dwell on certain things because it will hold me back... I'm not dwelling on them, but I was just getting some things off my mind and confiding).

I've written a "Note to Self" document that I've saved on my computer and it's a list of things never to do again. I don't ever want to talk to this person again that goes into anything more than the social niceties of "How are you?" and basic chit chat. I want to kick myself. I shouldn't have confided in her.

It's not just her. It's with others too. I feel misunderstood a lot and that leaves me feeling like I don't want to open up at all. Can anyone else relate?

JimWithTwoNoses Sat 08-Apr-17 14:31:03

Sorry you are going through such a hard time and feel let down by your friend. I think sometimes when we open up about our feelings to friends they want to say something to help or comfort, or give an idea of how to make things better, because they want to cheer you up. But actually sometimes it would be better if they just acknowledged that you are finding things tough and didn't try and problem solve. I totally know what you mean and have felt like this in the past. What has helped me has been writing things down privately, or speaking to someone who has gone through the same experience as myself.
I also try and forgive people for saying insensitive things, and think it's only because they have t been through the same thing themselves. I'm sure I've annoyed friends myself when they've talked about problems by making flippant comments or trying to be helpful but saying completely the wrong thing.
Do you think your friend was trying to be helpful, but it just came across wrong? Sometimes I find it's helpful to remind myself of peoples intentions, rather than what they have actually said. However if you think your friend was being mean then give them some distance for a bit until you can let it pass, if it's a good friendship you might find as time goes on you will be able to move on from this.

elephantcuddles Sat 08-Apr-17 14:44:36

I do write things down privately 99% of the time. I rarely open up to people in real life, as I prefer to journal about it or post on a message board like this one. The family friend is actually way older than me. She is my mom's neighbor. She's 71. I'm 30! After talking to her yesterday, I realize how annoying she can be.. quick to make judgements, a bit pushy, and a little condescending. I have felt like this before, but I am in such a difficult bind that I felt like I could open to her... I felt I needed to talk to someone. I can't really talk to my parents.

She was of no help and I left the situation feeling worse. I really regret telling her anything. I think maybe she was trying to be helpful a little, but I also think she doesn't really care that much as it's not her problem. I often feel like that... that other people don't really care that much, so why bother opening up to them. That's why message boards are so much easier. I do feel like most people have genuine empathy if they take the time to type out a response (most of the time anyway). The replies can also be more thoughtful as people take the time to write their response and think about it.

Overall, I just think her personality is slightly annoying... She's never been in my situation before, so she wouldn't understand totally but I thought she might be able to understand a little. She's just sort of forceful and pushy which I don't like. The whole thing I'm going through is kind of a long story, but basically someone did me wrong (I am renting a house from someone who she and my mom are clients of... and the person treated me very wrong and they continue to patronize her business even though I was treated so wrong by this person).

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