I have such bad toilet anxiety that i've considered wearing nappies....

[Proudaspie]

I'm cross posting here and in the SN section for traffic, i realize how crazy it sounds and that i need to get some help in this area as it's irrational thoughts, i know this, but who do i talk to, My GP?
What will they do, I'm not sure if it's a germ fear or a fear of being attacked, it doesn't help when I've read on here about the men who are invading women's spaces. It's all built up over the last few years and i just can't face public toilets anymore.

[Nospringflower]

Your GP should be able to refer you for help or if youre in England you may be able to self-refer to IAPTS service. It will really help this type of problem.

[Theaprilfool]

Sitting in your own waste really isn't the answer to this problem, it might seem to solve an issue but it really won't, the problem will still be there along with a whole load of other social issues which come from the pads.

[bitteroldhag]

Obviously nappies are not the answer in this situation.

www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological%20therapies%20(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008

[Proudaspie]

Thanks all for the advice, I'm not overly confident about going to the doctors but this situation has gone beyond panic attacks now, I've reached a point of desperation.

[giraffesCantReachTheirToes]

Unfortunately the nappies aren't always that great and need regularly changed. So you'd probably still have to go and change them in the toilet even emis you weren't using the toilet. Some kind of cat or similar would be better.

[giraffesCantReachTheirToes]

CBT while cats are cute I doubt they'd help.

[Proudaspie]

Cat's can always help!

[JustAnotherSilentOldNumber]

Nappies really are not reliable, you will end up with sore skin and wet patches around your bum area as even the best pads leak.

[devilsapricot]

I actually think you should use pads, at least while you wait for help. I can't imagine the stress you are under and if it helps, evena little i tihnk it will be worth doing.

[WittgensteinsCat]

It's not as unusual as you might think. A lot of people have difficulties with using public toilets for all manner of reasons. A good GP will have heard them all.

Getting some talking therapy via the link that bitteroldhag posted could be helpful in identifying the root cause or getting some coping techniques. Some short-term medication from your GP for the anxiety could also help.

Some public toilets can feel safer than others, e.g. McDonalds versus council? So you could think of examples that would work for you and plan your journeys accordingly.

I'd recommend Tena products, which is what I use if I worry that I'd get "caught out". Even their plus-size incontinence pads/pants feel pretty comfortable.

[Proudaspie]

Thank you all for being so supportive and giving advice. I was expecting a bit of backlash over sounding like a troll but you are incredibly understanding.
I have been very restricted in what toilets i allow myself to use Wittgensteins over the last year, to the point of cutting short days out and my children's play dates because I've needed to come home and use the loo, the places we can go are also limited because of this, it's unfair to them.

[UsedToBeAPaxmanFan]

You certainly do need help if it's affecting not just you but also your kids.

GPs will have heard far worse so don't worry about speaking to yours. However you can refer yourself to IAPT. If you google the IAPT service in your area there should be a phone number or email address to allow you to self refer.

Pads/nappies will need changing and also potentially can leak. Can you manage public loos if you use anti-back gel to wipe sear etc before using? What happens when your dc need to use a public loo? If you're accompanying them on playmates then presumably they are still quite young, and when out might need a loo at short notice? Also, you don't want them to pick up on your reluctance yo use loos outside the home as that will cause problems for them at school, friends houses etc.

I hope you get this sorted OP. Good luck.

[Proudaspie]

My daughter isn't potty trained and I'm able to take my son if we are at others houses, but if we are outside anywhere i find a quiet area where he can pee by a tree.

One of the reasons I'm trying to get this sorted is that he's started to notice i have a problem with toilets and started asking questions, he's only 4 and i feel I'm damaging him with my issues.

[Theseahag]

I don't think nappies are the answer but if you do go down that route molicare pullups are very good. You might find that you are unable to actually 'go' in them though as you've had decades of using the toilet your brain is conditioned to.

[Proudaspie]

I'm planning on phoning my GP on Monday and seeing if i can get an appointment, if not i will see about that IAPTS service. I really can't live like this.

[JustAnotherSilentOldNumber]

Good luck

[bitteroldhag]

How did it go?

[Proudaspie]

I haven't phoned yet. I can't face it right now. I'm sorry.

[Theseahag]

[YouOKHun]

OP, so sorry you're struggling but I really think you need to speak to your GP or self refer to IAPT as others have said. I'm a CBT therapist in an IAPT service and I can tell you quite honestly that your particular concerns are not unusual and can really be helped! CBT is all about helping you to identify the thoughts and behaviours that are unhelpful and to change them. Sometimes we repeat behaviours that we think help but actually maintain our problems. Please don't worry about making contact with IAPT, we are none judgemental and very used to hearing about anxiety problems in all their manifestations. Why not just self refer by email (there's probably a self referral form on your local IAPT'S web page).

[Wolfiefan]

Please do call. I know it's a MN hot potato (like pushchairs on buses and P&C parking) but could you use disabled toilets if you were desperate until you can get help?

[JustAnotherSilentOldNumber]

Let's be honest EVERYTHING is a hot potato on Mumsnet.

[LapinR0se]

I had toilet anxiety for a long time, but mine was different in that I wouldn't go somewhere if I didn't have immediate access to a toilet.
So no tubes, no theatre, no supermarkets. I knew where every single toilet was any time I went anywhere and I had to sit right next to the door at any event or occasion so I could get out quickly.
It was horrendous and completely ruled my life.
I had 12 months of CBT and medication and I am fully recovered. Please don't believe you have to live like this. You can get better, it might not happen overnight but it will happen.
Sending you lots of positivity and support

[Theseahag]

If you have autism as you name implies you should be fully entitled to a radar key for disabled toilets, if you think this will help please use it.