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Why have I messed up so much??

(7 Posts)
user1491484033 Thu 06-Apr-17 22:00:55

Hi please bare with me this may be a long one!
I'm a 29yo Mum of 3 girls (11,7,4) with a partner of 15 years.im currently a sahm and my partner works really hard to support us.
I left school with no GCSEs despite getting all A* in my mocks my school wouldn't enter me because I'd missed so much school, due to some bad things happening at home.

Iv suffered with really bad debilitating depression since I was very young. I had a bad childhood, alcoholic father and a mother who was weak and didn't protect us.

We had our first daughter when we were 18 unplanned but very much wanted, I took a job when she was 1 and we lived with my mum while we saved money.
We moved into our first home and then I discovered I was expecting our 2nd..she was born and we were really happy, but when she was 2, I found out I was 15 weeks pregnant with our 3rd little girl, and when she was born she was very ill. She has a rare metabolic condition galactosaemia, which means she can't have any milk including breastmilk and it causes all sorts of learning problems.
She's 5 in November but can't talk yet and has limited understanding and behavioural issues.

I love my family dearly, but I watch other people and they seem to have it all together, tidy house, career, supportive family, children coming out of their ears...but no negative comes of it, they carry on receiving the same support and admiration. Nice wedding photos on fb etc.
Even when we booked our wedding we had to cancel, due to money and lack of energy to plan.
I desperately wish I had retired lovely parents who could help me with my girls, so I could go out and get a career and make something of my life. But as my youngest has special needs it really difficult to cope.
And the housework has got out of hand which is making my mental health worse.

Where do I start? How can I be happy?
Any advice is really appreciated xx

Funnyonion17 Thu 06-Apr-17 22:03:48

Nobody has it all together. A photo isn't a reflection of the truth, it's a posed moment usually! Trust me we all struggle flowers

NolongerAnxiousCarer Thu 06-Apr-17 22:52:29

Have you seen your GP about your MH? Also can you get a carers assessment through social services due to your daughters additional needs? I'm wondrring if you are entitled to any carers to help out with your youngest, or any respite type care? I'm not sure whats available in childrens services.

user1491484033 Thu 06-Apr-17 23:03:25

Thanks for your replies.
Iv been on and off anti ds since I was 13, never really did anything other then make me either dead to the world or even worse.
Iv just applied for dla for my daughter and waiting on a decision.
TBH I think the most important thing right now is getting my daughter into a special school, and getting my head in the right place. I just wish I could adopt a whole new set of parents,siblings etc. It takes a village to raise a child and it's so much harder doing it on your own and even worse when you have a partner who doesn't know what he's doing. I feel like I have 4 children to look after.

justdontevenfuckingstart Thu 06-Apr-17 23:14:51

Sweetheart from your posts you sound like a really intelligent woman. You haven't messed up AT ALL , sorry other posters will have better advice x

user1491484033 Thu 06-Apr-17 23:20:53

Thank you that's probably the first compliment Iv had in years x

NolongerAnxiousCarer Fri 07-Apr-17 18:59:34

Getting your DD into an appropriate school sounds like a good place to start.Hopefully that will open up other avenues of support for both of you. Do ask your GP for a review if you feel you need a little extra support though.

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