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Cannot bear another year of crippling anxiety that cannot be fixed

(14 Posts)
BloomingDaffodil Wed 05-Apr-17 19:49:59

Hi there

I feel I am at crisis point with my anxiety.

I feel sick, stomach churning, throat tightening, mind spinning 24 hours a day for the last 18 months. My hair is falling out and my teeth are loose. I do not know how the hell I am still here after having not one minute of peace of mind for the last year and a half.

I have suffered anxiety most of my adult life but over the last 18 months it has ramped up to unbearable levels - I know what the main trigger is but cannot talk about tha on here

Honestly I cannot imagine another 12 months like this, I would definitely rather be dead

I have tried everything I can think of, meditation, antidepressents (so spaced out) , ,counselling

Currently I am on beta blockers and on a waiting list for cbt. - beta blockers don't seem to help and unless I want to go back on Anti D's they can offer no other medication - they refuse to give diazepam due to the addictive effect apparently

I have been to the doctors dozens of times for anxiety

I work full time but underperform massively, I can never concentrate and often sit there doing nothing as feel paralysed by negative thought and emotion

I haven't been into work this week, rang the doctors earlier on today as I was having suicidal thoughts, explained I was having these thoughts to the receptionist after she has asked the problem - only for her to say no appointments. Why ask me what is the problem if you have no appointments?

She refers me to another service, a walk in service so I rang them, and they said they do not deal with mental health issues

I feel the only thing I can do is to harm myself to get anyone to actually help me

Tweedledee3Tweedledum Wed 05-Apr-17 20:04:36

Hello. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate.

It took me a while to get the right medication, but now I have one, it is helping. Have you been tried on a few?

Have you thought about contacting breathing space? They could help offer some temporary relief.

Also, can you request an emergency appointment at your doctors?

I also do mindfulness exercises. They help sometimes.

flowers

BloomingDaffodil Wed 05-Apr-17 20:16:37

Hi yeah I have tried a few anti depressents but they either made me worse or felt so foggy that I could not work or drive. I must work, not for the money but because I must keep busy I cannot be left with my own thoughts

Who are breathing space?

I tried to get in the doctors today and the walk in centre but the docs said no appointments even tho I said was suicidal and the walk in centre said they do not deal with mental health issues

Mental health services here are a joke, it is a big city but there seems to be very ittle help available I have had one telephone counselling session so far ive been waiting 18 months and do not think I have another 18 month wait in me

Jamhandprints Wed 05-Apr-17 20:20:30

flowers Have you called your local iapt service? Do you do breathing exercises? X

highinthesky Wed 05-Apr-17 20:26:05

It is not on for the receptionist to fob you off if you have explained your suicidal ideation (which takes a great deal of courage). What you need is an urgent MH assessment, and that is exactly the kind of thing that GP slots are held back for. I bet your GP would be cross if s/he knew you had been turned away.

I don't think there are any easy fixes as this has been going on for so long. Make the first step and go back to the surgery tomorrow. Speak to the practice manager if necessary, but get that appointment.

flowers

Funnyonion17 Wed 05-Apr-17 20:31:33

Just wanted to offer some hope. I know anxiety can be living hell, but it does lift. I tried everything at first and nothing helped, but it does get better.

Afterthestorm Wed 05-Apr-17 20:37:11

I do sympathise, it must be awful for you, especially for such a long time.

Has anyone recommended more natural things to try? I went on a date with a chap recently who was a nurse specialising in anxiety, OCD type issues. I have mild anxiety and he said I should take magnesium (in the bath or as a foot soak is best) 5http tablets, vitamin D And b vitamins. He reckons these make a big difference. I have a friend who suffers from depression and she notices if she hasn't taken her vitamin b quite quickly.
Sorry I can't help any more, just keep fighting to get that help you need.

Mermaidinthesea123 Wed 05-Apr-17 20:39:30

Have you tried duloxetine? I'm on them for crippling anxiety and quite honestly I feel like I am getting my life back now and doing so much better at work.
The first 8 weeks on them are awful, you feel much worse and possibly suicidal but if you can persist through the initial 4-6 weeks you will really feel better.
They make you feel foggy at first but that passes. This is the problem with anti D's, getting over that initial bedding in period.
I always go to bed at 8.30. 9 at the latest and get up at the same time everyday. You need much more sleep when you have anxiety as it exhausts you physically and mentally and you need more time unconscious.
Don't have a tv/computer in your bedroom either, if you feel bad at night have something like radio 4 or some music playing by the bed for company on low volume.
I live alone and I got a female lodger, she isn't around much but the company makes such a difference.
I hope you find something that works for you xxxx

BloomingDaffodil Wed 05-Apr-17 20:50:57

Jamhandprints - what is iapt? I do meditation - well I say I DO it, I try to, I find it really hard to still my mind, I can meditate for a few seconds at a time
highinthesky - it realy did take courage to tell her about it - and worse still she must have known she wasn't going to be able to give me an appointment before she asked me what the problem was

Funny onion, thank y ou

mermaid thank you for that x

I really feel I should get back to work tomorrow as things will get behind and then I will have something else to be anxious about. If I can do it, I will because being on my own at home is so amplifying things. I am really focusing on this and the only way I can get through is to be busy from when I get up at 6am til I go to bed. if I have any time to focus I break down and start focusing on my worries and they amplify a millionfold
today is the first time ever I have admitted I feel suicidal. I have had mental health assesments before and I have always answered no, to those questions ,no I don't feel suicidal, but I realise for now, at least - I do, and it makes me feel very tearful to admit

Afterthestorm thank you for those tips I will look into those, I do take a vit D supplement at the min but that's it

ClosedAuraOpenMind Wed 05-Apr-17 20:53:59

if you work does your firm have an employee assistance programme you could use to get counselling?
i did this when my depression was bad and i spoke to a counsellor within 48 hours and had an appointment within the week.
you only get limited number of sessions, i had 6, but it did help flowers

BloomingDaffodil Wed 05-Apr-17 21:00:35

Oh yes I think they do have a programme like that, good idea thank u

highinthesky Wed 05-Apr-17 21:34:02

Counselling is great but you still do need to see your GP.

You don't have to divulge accessing the EAP to your line manager, but it might actually work in your favour.

Funnyonion17 Wed 05-Apr-17 21:41:12

Op with regards to meditation and stilling your mind, i too struggled at first with it and gave up. But i used a free app called take 10. The apps fab and taught me it wasn't about quieting my mind, but letting it chat away. Give it a go if you haven't already.

Jamhandprints Tue 11-Apr-17 22:55:19

Hi Daffodil, IAPT is the nhs self referral service for counselling. It's very basic cbt but a good starting place. Google IAPT with your county and you should find a phone number. flowers

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