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Is it happening again (Trigger Warning - Sexual Abuse )

(13 Posts)
findthedream Tue 04-Apr-17 21:15:12

Hi, I don't know if this is the right thread for this, also if it doesn't make sense so apologies. I'm just going to start from the beginning and hope I don't delete it all when I finish...

So when I was younger (early teens ) I was sexually abused by a 60+ year old, it went on for 4 years. I never reported it because I was scared of not being believed, etc.

I never really spoke about it to anyone, I found other ways to cope. I'm now in my 20's and recently been doing a sport ( Lets say gymnastics ) with a friend, where the coach is 60 + year old bloke, in the past month or so my friend and I have been getting private lessons and with one of the things he has been doing is getting us to pull a heavy rope from side to side while sitting on a beam type thing...When my friend goes to do something else he had been helping with the rope but having his hand on the inside of my leg and "Pulling the rope" right up to my thigh/groin, I never said anything I just tried to ignore it and put my hand in front so he couldn't go so far up..
Yesterday same thing happened but he had his hand on my backside as well, then squeezed my thigh and looked up at me. I jumped and didn't look back at him, then he squeezed my backside and said "That's nice that is" I jumped again ignored it, and tried to ask questions, for about another half hour he kept squeezing my thigh.

I got home and couldn't stop thinking about it, even today I haven't stopped thinking about it. How could I let it happen again and not say anything, I just froze and panicked, not saying anything. Am I reading to much into it and being silly.

I don't know what to think. sad

Thanks for reading.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Tue 04-Apr-17 21:23:20

You're not reading too much into it. Sorry OP flowers

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Tue 04-Apr-17 21:23:51

And it's really not your fault x

cbigs Tue 04-Apr-17 21:30:28

That's horrible and you're right to say something. You poor thing what a scumbag ❤️😡

findthedream Tue 04-Apr-17 21:34:50

No I haven't said anything @cbigs I keep thinking if I had of said something when I first started to feel a bit uncomfortable it wouldn't have got like this now. I am so shy and quiet though and when this happens it's like I'm a deer in a car's headlights.

OnTheUp13 Tue 04-Apr-17 21:36:35

Please don't blame yourself. Could you tell your friend and complain with her? I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this OP ❤️

findthedream Tue 04-Apr-17 21:43:03

I don't know if I can tell anyone IRL sad last time it happened, it affected everyone around me so much, we lost loads and I've never forgiving myself for it. It will happen this time as well.

Privateandconfidentialplease Wed 05-Apr-17 10:52:51

Don't blame yourself. I would tell his employer. They will have to keep it confidential so no one else will know. I think you should try to tell a trusted friend/family member, just so you have someone in rl to talk to and get it out.

blue2014 Wed 05-Apr-17 11:24:34

I want you to know that freezing is a completely normal response to assault. In fact, evidence shows its the most common (and often the best way of staying safe in the moment)

This is not your fault flowers

differentnameforthis Wed 05-Apr-17 12:36:42

How could I let it happen again and not say anything, I just froze and panicked Freezing in this type of scenario is not unusual and is not uncommon.

This is NOT your fault. You need to report him to his organisations and his professional body. And the police.

I am sorry this is happening to you.

I believe you. flowers

findthedream Wed 05-Apr-17 20:17:05

I don't know what to do next, I don't feel like I can say anything to anyone because it was one time and my word against his, he could say he was just helping me and it was my back he was holding. There is no proof. And if I stopped going there I would need to explain it to my parents and my friend ( I go with my friend because she has anxiety about being in public so we started doing this a few times a week and it's really helped her )

Thank you to everyone who has replied, and to @differentnamforthis for saying you believed me.
Just posting on here has helped loads, what's happened recently has brought back the memories of when it happened when I was young.

blue2014 Fri 07-Apr-17 13:09:38

Please don't go back just to pacify others. You are more important than that. I understand it will be hard to prove but we believe you. Unless you are pressing charges you don't have to prove it to anyone.

CreatingADream Fri 07-Apr-17 21:46:04

Is he a member of a club or sporting organisation?

Does he coach anyone under the age of 18?

What he is doing is not OK, it is not your fault. It is totally up to you whether you report it, but if he does coach anyone under the age of 18 you could report it anonymously through the NSPCC phone line as one option.

If he is part of a sporting governance body, you can report anonymously to them via a written letter that raises concerns.

Please take extra care of yourself over the next few weeks xxx

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