my son's behaviour

[user1491328335]

Hi,

looking for a bit of advice from some mums on here, first time on this site, I have a son that will be seven next month (20th may).

I'm having a very difficult time with him at the moment, i know children will be children, and they will have their moments like they all do, but my son's temper tantrums are constent, I try to reason with him and reward him when he IS good (which isn't often) I've been to various doctors on and off for the last few years with him about his tantrums, he is more than energetic (he is like twins mushed into one body). He just doesn't want to listen to a word I say and thinks its histerical when I disiplin him, when he steps out of line - I take his toys away and all his luxuries like having his programmes and his tablet to play on, but it doesn't make a blind bit of difference.

He's hit out at school a few times (teacher and students). When I tell him that he needs to help with house work and do his homework when I tell him - he goes into major melt down mode and starts ripping things and hitting me.

When I have been to the doctors about this - they tell me this is normal. There are plenty of children in the area at his age and they don't act like this on a daily basis, actually its very rare to see the other children in my area at his age act like this, a lot of the children round my area do take a telling, my son just thinks it's histerical when he gets a telling, I'm at my wits end.

Sometimes I feel that I'm too hard on him - but I keep thinking that it's not always good enough as he just keeps ... um - shall we say - re-offending (hahaha).

I've asked him if he knows why he acts the way he does and says he doesn't know - he just acts like that, like acting on impulse.

Can anyone offer any advise about what I could do try and encourage my son to be like an angel (again).

(P.S - he does get nice things like holidays and days away - only when he deserves it)

Thanks in advance
from a very frustrated mummy

[bwduo]

Hi there!

I totally understand where you are coming from. We're experiencing this with our youngest, although she is a few years younger than your son. It's been the same for us - we often wonder if we've been too harsh, but then I don't want to condone her behaviour so we try to be consistent. She is always very heavy handed and will often hurt her older sister by just punching or kicking. She seems to want to get into trouble, even though we praise her when she is kind etc. My cat is afraid of her and I've caught her kicking our cat when she thinks no one is looking!

I don't have much advice I'm afraid, but I wanted you to know that you're not on your own.

xx

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

Ask him to write a list of ideas to make home a happier place. . Def no disrespect to you or your parenting but see what his list says. ... Maybe it will say more stories or more playing footie,
Then you write a list too. .
Write down how you want things to be like for you both.
Suggest a 'grown up' meeting and talk about your lists.
When my dd was an awful 7 yo she used to write me notes when was in a strop!! Really helped.

[ThatsWotSheSaid]

Sounds like he has poor impulse control and doesn't really think about consequences. Could he have ADHD or similar?

[torij89]

Hi all sorry to reply so late, I am finally starting to get somewhere with my boys behaviour, the school psychologist reckons that he may have a form of autism and may indeed have ADHD. They want him to go to therapy first to see if his behaviour is related to the trauma he experienced up until 19 months ago, which I personally don't think it is, but that's what the school psychologist recommended before going down the autism route, what do you all think?

[yellowsun]

Trauma and attachment difficulties can lead to very similar traits to autism and ADHD. I'm glad that he is going to be getting some help.

[torij89]

He has been like this for a little over 5 years now, his dad wasn't always there every day when my boy was awake so didn't necessarily see any abuse that happened - it was only 2 n a half years ago that he started to see more of it, that makes me question to trauma thing, and now that he's been away from it for so long he's now forgotten what his dad did to us and indeed what his dad looks and sounds like, it's frustrating