It can be a very isolating illness, partucularly with the ammount of stigma attached to it. Is your DH under an early intervention in psychosis team or cmht? My DH is under an early intervention team, who are amazing. Their main aim is to help is to identify triggers and they work with DH on self management stratagies. They used to run a friends and family group which was helpful, but I was the only partner there everyone else were parents, I often find the same on forums online, so I know what you mean about feeling its just you. DHs relative suffers with psychosis too and so we have him and his wife as some support, but I don't know his wife well so feel a bit awkward putting too much on her, especially as she is busy with her kids. Do your DHs team run any support groups? Ours used to do education about psychosis as part of the group too, but it got cut due to funding.
When my DH got really poorly the first time we seperated for a few months. During that time I met with a CPN from his team regularly to help me get my head arround things which helped a lot. He was very poorly with a lot of psychotic thoughts at that point. I set some boundries in my head about what I could live with and what I couldn't:
- That he needed to stop believing that I was/had harmed him and his family members.
- That he needed to engage with the MH team fully.
- That he needed to take responsibility for self managing his condition as much as possible.
I figured if he could do those things then we had a chance as a couple.
There are always going to be stresses in life, you can't protect him from that. He needs to find ways to manage his stress, is that something that his CPN is working on with him? DHs CPN explains it like a bucket, when the stress starts overflowing then the symptoms start. So he needs to find ways to release stress which he explains as putting holes in the bucket. For DH I think a big part of my role is providing stability and familiarity at home. And listening when he is stressed, talking it through with him.
You've been together 6 years so I doubt you are the cause, its most probably coincidence. How old is your DH? Age plays a part in psychosis I think. I've been with my DH 10 years now, looking back psychosis has been in the background that whole time although we didn't recognise it and neither did the professionals we asked for help. It was only in his late 20s that he got really poorly with obvious psychotic dellusions that he finally got a diagnosis and help.
Have you ever asked your DH what he feels you can do to help? You can't see into the future, you can't protect him from everything. Trying is likely to make you ill yourself. What you can do is help him cope when the difficult things do happen. I wonder if this is something his MH team can help you with? DHs team have been working with both of us and have now refered us for family therapy together to help us to work through how his illness impacts on both of us and our relationship. I wonder if something like this is an option for you?
I used to worry about suicide with DH too, and he has made a number of attempts over the years. I have come to realise that I can't stop it. I know that I do everything I can to support him and if it happens it won't be my fault. If it happened I would be devistated obviously, but in a way I think I've become somewhat numb to the possibility. I also trust DHs CPN implicitly and feel able to hand a lot of the responsibility over to him even when DH is really poorly.
The most important thing that we can do to support our DHs is to look after ourselves. If we go under we can't support them at all, unfortunately I speak from experience. I've been quite ill the last 6 months and the tables have turned with DH looking after me. I'm really glad we have had support from his MH team for both of us. What things do you do for you, to keep yourself well and put holes in your own stress bucket?