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Just need a hand to hold until this feeling passes

(51 Posts)
MyGastIsFlabbered Fri 31-Mar-17 18:16:39

I just feel like I've messed up my whole life so badly. I've got no job, am in a stupid amount of debt and a single parent. I feel like there's only one way out and I couldn't do that to my boys, they're my whole world. They've just gone to their dad's until Monday and I'm sat here sobbing.

I won't do anything stupid, but I just need a hand to hold until I start to get through this. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in RL.

ThatsNotMyMummy Fri 31-Mar-17 18:23:44

Budge up!
I'm not very good at this. But i can keep your company until someone who is better at it joins you.

I am quite good at debt advice though. Are you dealing with it, or still in the "shit can't open the letters phase"

Wolfiefan Fri 31-Mar-17 18:25:55

You've got your boys. You haven't messed anything up. Is it just the money? Could you speak to someone at CAB and work out a plan? You can find a way through this. You really can. And your boys would rather have a broke you than not have you. flowers

ThatsNotMyMummy Fri 31-Mar-17 18:30:56

I have to admit, my pesky little blighters are the reason i stick around. Ive a few friends who are really messed up thanks to parents committing suicide, so even in the dark days i think about putting them in that position and it snaps me back.

MyGastIsFlabbered Fri 31-Mar-17 18:48:13

That's not, yes that's exactly my thinking. My boys love me and they would never recover from that, I can't do it to them. But it's fucking hard and I hate it sometimes.

I'm about £15k in debt, which doesn't sound huge, but I've got no job and repayments are a struggle. Because of my MH problems, when I get depressed I spend and now it's got out of control. I've spoken to my bank (a huge chunk of the debt is a loan with them) and they've let me pay £1 a month for 6 months until I get back on my feet. But I had a nursery bill for £1700 yesterday...I'm sure it's got to be wrong but it's more stress. Taking DS2 out of nursery isn't an option, he absolutely adores it there and I don't know that my MH is up to looking after him full time, I could never give him what he gets there.

Knittedfrog Fri 31-Mar-17 18:54:42

Have a hand, in fact have two. But as much as I'm holding yours, you'll be holding mine! You're not alone and I often look around me and everyone seems happy and have a perfect life. But, please know there are people like us out there. Take it hour by hour, things will improve, they just have to.
We go through the bad so we can appreciate the good.

MyGastIsFlabbered Fri 31-Mar-17 19:03:36

I've had more than enough bad to last several life times. Really nasty bullying emotionally abusive exH who I'm still battling through the courts. Messed up childhood.

ThatsNotMyMummy Fri 31-Mar-17 19:31:59

Wow I'm impressed with the bank, mine were shit!!!
I know martin Lewis has been doing some work on mental health bank accounts.

Have you spoken to the likes of step change?

MyGastIsFlabbered Fri 31-Mar-17 20:45:41

Who are step change?

ThatsNotMyMummy Fri 31-Mar-17 22:00:13

Step change are someone who can help with your debt. They can advise you on payment plans, Ivas and that sort of thing. There's also someone called payplan who can deal with your creditors so you don't have to. They are paid for by the credit card companies.

Have you anything nice planned for the weekend? I always find nature helpful when I'm feeling shit. So a listen to birds singing in a woods that sort of thing

GeorgeTheHamster Fri 31-Mar-17 22:03:43

Step change are free debt advice. They are very good.

ThatsNotMyMummy Sat 01-Apr-17 10:05:25

Did you manage any sleep?

MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 01-Apr-17 12:20:40

I slept a bit, but I never really feel refreshed. Just exhausted all the time.

ThatsNotMyMummy Sat 01-Apr-17 14:52:13

I had a councillor explain it to me that your brain is always on high alert, so like you are prey and constantly on guard to be eaten. It is exhausting.

when are your boys due back?

MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 01-Apr-17 16:46:58

The boys are staying with their dad until Monday. I miss them even though they drive me potty at times.

ThatsNotMyMummy Sat 01-Apr-17 19:21:20

Yeah they do that don't they, one cup of coffee in peace and you miss them again. Mine has gone to their friends today and the house is so quiet. I don't like it!!!
Although the peaceful cup of coffee earlier was nice

So you've got two more nights without them. Are there any jobs you need to get done? Or things to watch? I watched that 3 wives one husband thing the other day, it was interesting to see the dynamic between the wives.

MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 01-Apr-17 19:55:15

I'm starting to see out of the blackness now. I've had a good tidy up today, going to unpack a bit more tomorrow (moved 4 weeks ago so lots still in boxes but thankfully I have a garage now)

ThatsNotMyMummy Sat 01-Apr-17 22:42:52

I have to admit as my mood slips so does my housework. But I do feel so much better when it's done.
If you've just moved it sounds like you'll be very busy getting it all sorted, a bit easier without little "helpers" as well!

Have you got many rooms to get sorted?

MyGastIsFlabbered Sun 02-Apr-17 23:06:28

Ok so I'm having a little bit of a wobble again. Just thinking of how little an impact of would have if I wasn't here. The only people who would really be affected are the boys.

Wolfiefan Sun 02-Apr-17 23:09:49

But it would have a massive impact on them. Every day for the rest of their lives. Are you seeing anyone about how you feel? On any meds?
You know if a friend or family member said it didn't matter if they were around you would say if course it does and that it was the illness taking. Well it does matter and it IS the illness.

KavvLar Sun 02-Apr-17 23:11:01

Go and make a cup of tea and just think about the next five minutes and putting one foot in front of the other. Your boys do need you and you can get through this but it is hard. We are here and listening. 💐

MyGastIsFlabbered Sun 02-Apr-17 23:19:51

It would have a huge impact on them, they're both so little still (7 and 4) and they adore me (for all my faults...of which there are many). I couldn't ever leave them....but it's hard keeping on keeping on isn't it?

MyGastIsFlabbered Sun 02-Apr-17 23:21:20

Yes I'm on meds (2 types of AD). I was seeing the MH team and had been referred onto the STEPPS program for EUPD but I've moved areas so am getting re-referred.

Wolfiefan Sun 02-Apr-17 23:26:52

Can you hurry that along? You sound really low. (I know I'm stating the bleeding obvious!)
The advice above about a few minutes at a time is good. Such a struggle. So sorry you feel like this.

MyGastIsFlabbered Sun 02-Apr-17 23:28:46

I might see if I can get an appointment tomorrow. I think I'm just feeling lonely as the kids aren't here. They're my amazing protective factor.

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