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My poor child is NOT a criminal. major MH issues. End of mytether.

(14 Posts)
DalekBred Wed 29-Mar-17 16:24:03

Just need to unburden. sorry this is long.

My child is a adopted. Adopted by me, a single parent. my only child.

Prior to adoption child was severely abused by birth family in every way.

Reports and evidence show childs blood history is full of MH issues- ASD,Autism, ODD, plus phsycopaths/murderers/rapists/drug addicts/heavy drinkers,/DV and lots more (trying not to give too many details as don't want to out myself). On both sides.

So my poor child has inherited all this and more. Including FASD.

Adopted child when child was 5. I thought with love, nurturing and a good solid Christian upbringing child would somehow be calmer and not as bad. child has lifelong disabilities (some physical too). but child always been very strong, and 2 days ago, attacked me.

carried on attacking me and trashed the house. I had to call police for my own safety. police were very understanding ad they could see I was a decent person. they tried calling for social services and were completely fobbed off. SS didn't want to know.

I told them ive had this all DCs life, they said SS and Camhs and the like are USELESS. and they have obviously failed us big time.

been aggressive before but never violent. Nothing set DC off, DCs mood swings are like a light switch.

(I had to end up taking DC out of special needs school as even they couldn't cope. DC is private schoolled now and has learning age of a 5 year old (DC is 17 now).)

DC just cannot be taken to a physcriatic centre, DC has too many intimate/allergies/dietry needs.

last time DC was 'looked after' by someone ina care place they abused DC too.

police said DC is NOT a criminal, they can see that a mile off, But a police cell is not the place-all DC needs is to hear druggies/junkies/thugs swearing and shouting etc.

hospital says theres nothing wrong with DC when DC has official diagonis of many MH issues. so called professionals !

I have no one in the world to help me, and I am trying my best not to let DC see I am now petrified of DC. Im walking on eggshells around DC and trying to keep as calm as possible but this cant go on.
and DC needs my care I care full time for DC.

the services Ive contacted are - well-useless is a compliment. they are shit, and im scared DC is going to injure me so much DC may kill me.

and DC cant fend at all for themselves im scared if something happens to me DC will end up dying from total lack of care and awareness. I could be knocked out and DC will just sit there and vegetate to death. (happened once when I was knocked out for about an hour and when I came to DC was doing exactly same as before, just looking at a picture book)..

OT, or any other phycriatic services just cant get through to DC. no one can. God knows Ive been trying all these years. DC has lifelong issues and I love DC so much and yet Im fearing for my life and DCs too.

If anyone reads this and suggests me contacting anyone, I can guarantee you Ive been there, done that. we are on our own.

DalekBred Wed 29-Mar-17 16:28:00

I have to go and see to DCs needs, Ill try and read any replies (if any) tomorrow.

228agreenend Wed 29-Mar-17 16:33:14

Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough

Sorry, no advice. Maybe gp?

blueskyinmarch Wed 29-Mar-17 16:35:37

How do the school manage him? How does he behave there? Are there plans being made for when he leaves school?

My nephew has special needs (LD, autism/aspergers) and is very violent. He no longer is able to live at home and lives in a specialist house. However this process began when he was much younger and he was placed in a specialist school setting (he is 21 now).

Can you contact SS to have assessment of need undertaken? Has that already been done? I am sorry i sent really know much about the disability process but there are loads of people on here who do. Hopefully they can advise you. Sounds tough.

laurzj82 Wed 29-Mar-17 16:38:52

Gosh what a hard time you are both Im sorry that I have no knowledge on the subject but i couldnt read and run. Bumping so that someone more helpful will see and reply.

Best wishes to you both

PensPencilsandRulers Wed 29-Mar-17 16:40:44

Sorry I'm definitely no expert but one of my friends has a son who has similar needs to your DC by the sounds of it and can be violent, the local authority fund two carers to look after him 9-5 mon-fri. Is there something like this you could look into?

NolongerAnxiousCarer Wed 29-Mar-17 17:32:38

Hi OP,

Not sure how much I can offer, but I can empathise. The last time DH was ill he was threatening towards me (I know its a different situation as when DH is well he would never behave this way towards me) I was very scared, the police were great but the out of hours MH services were rubbish and told me he wasnt ill and left me to cope with him over the weekend. I later developed PTSD with regards to this.

His own CPN was fantastic agreed that he was very poorly and got his meds adjusted straight away. Was it the duty/out of hours SW who was unable to help when the police contacted them or your DSs own social worker? Does he have a care coordinator in childrens services. I spent a short time working in adult LD services and know that your situation is not unique, its not even that uncommon unfortunately SS need to do a full assessment of both your sons needs and of your needs as his carer. They then might be able to offer things such as carers to help you at home, day centre, residential care, respite care. I susspect that these options might not be as commonly offered to children as most will be at school, but as the school can no longer cope they need to find other options for you.

DalekBred Thu 30-Mar-17 16:05:54

Thanks for replies.

Dc is home schooled as couldn't cope in school envioronment.

Blue poor DCs had so much rejection from birth parents/foster placements, that to go away to a specialist place would not be feasible. DC would think they were being abandoned by me. and make them worse.

TBH I don't care if I die, im not afraid of death, but its the thought that if something happens to me DC would have no choice in anything and if DC not found dead themselves then theyd (deliberately not disclosing DCs gender for security reasons) HAVE to go into care/specialist place and THAT would kill them. I know it would.

CAHMS phoned me today and said they cant help DC- brilliant. Just what I needed to hear. bloody useless. they've never been any good.
I broke down on the phone and said I need help. their response? just keep calling the police!

FFS DC cant help what they do. (and they've just gone for me again, I managed to calm them down eventually). the police and things just make them worse and more angry!

seriously. if somethings not done I cant see myself around for long alive. ive pleaded on my knees to SS for a carer to come and be with them for a while or OT but nothing. NOTHING.

we are being failed time and time again until its too late and then they go on sky news saying the usual shit- ''lessons will be learnt'' etc etc. sorry, im just so despondant.

All Ive evr done is love my child with an intensity you can only imagine and this is my reward!

DC gets very violent and I know I have to think of my own safetly.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Thu 30-Mar-17 20:52:59

As you say you need to think of your safety, not just for yourself but for your child. I know this is not what you want to hear, but you know that if you were dead DC would have to go into a residential unit. DC would be facing this alone and by the sounds of it wouldn't understand why. If the only way for you to stay safe turns out to be DC going into residential care at least DC would still have you to visit every day and keep on loving and caring for them. I know that this must be a heart breaking decision for you.

DalekBred Fri 31-Mar-17 16:07:15

Phoned OT today too and no dice. Just no one wants to help.

Its not Im refusing help, its that the right help is needed.

spoke to GP again and he'll get onto CAHMS again, uselss though they are,

than ks.

genehuntswife Fri 31-Mar-17 16:13:19

Hi op, I'm in kind of the same position but with a 19 year old who has severe MH problems after having meningitis last year . We hit the same brick walls as yourself and it has been horrendous. We are now making a small amount of progress but only after making a major complaint to the health authority, they mostly batted the complaint off BUT we are finding we are now getting lots more help, we think because they're arse covering, I don't really care why but am just so relieved that help is finally coming.
If you'd like any help with a complaints letter please pm me and I'll help in anyway I can
Don't give up...and take as much care of yourself as you can xx

DalekBred Sat 01-Apr-17 21:29:53

thank you.

Finally had a breakthrough after much headbanging with childrens services.

Someone will come for a home visit for a chat. I don't know if its going to make things better or worse but Im preparing everything to say.

Its awful isn't it? a council tax hike to put into the care system but only for the elderly, not disabled or vulnerable, services closing down, not enough help.......

Gene hope yours goes well and you get any help you need, and Im sorry to hear about your situation. flowers.

If you wouldn't mind p-m-ming me with any suggestions about complaints Id appreciate. thank you.

Vegansnake Sat 01-Apr-17 21:47:13

If your child is not on any medication,that might be a starting point..I feel by home education you have isolated yourselves ( I home educated my kidsfor a long time so I don't say this lightly).if your child has a health and social care plan,or an old statement,yr child is entitled to education untill 25.. so the first thing is to give that responsibility back where it belongs to theLEA..they need to be educating your child..mine had tutors at home ,when a school place couldn't be least you would get a break...there are. Residential schools where your child could come home at weekends and where support and medication would be accessed...what you can't do is nothing...many people with mental health problems end up in prison,my husband was a prison officer for 10 do act before it's to your doctor for medication and a psychological assessment,contact the LEA for them to take over education,contact ss and tell them they need to assess him asap...and keep on and on at these people untill they do their job properly which by the sounds of it none of them are...I know from person experience,(very similar situation in my house)that if they can get away with doing nothing ,they will do.there are so many people on their books that if someone takes the responsibility for them i.e. Home education then they are only too happy to let them...the more you do for yr dc the less the agencies will do to help you.sad but true xx good luck

DalekBred Sat 01-Apr-17 22:01:51

Vegan DC is NOT isolated by HE. DC wa s more alone at school as DC couldnbt join in with anything and had to be confined to just DC and a teacher.

please do not judge us on that,HE is the best thing that has happened to DC and DC gets a tutor in too, and another child sometimes. HEs brilliant and necessary for DC.

Im pushing for some sort of medication. Not that I want DC to be spaced out or anything, but hey, I take paracetamol for aheadache and tablets for a medical condituion I have, so why cant DC have something to calm them down? makes sense, no?

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