I've suffered with anxiety and depression for a long time. It's ruining my relationships.
I'm very impatient and get angry. I feel like I'm constantly bored, need drama. I lack motivation, can't get off my bum and do anything.
I know these are signs of depression and low self esteem to a certain extent. I just don't know what to do about it.
I've had one lot of counselling and requested more. I don't know how to tell her how I feel though. And she gives me answers, solutions, I nod and agree but afterwards can't put them into practice.
I'm taking ADs and have a review in a week with a view to increasing them. But I feel this is more a personality trait and I don't know how to fix it.
When I start to feel comfortable with someone and can relax I totally overreact to little things .. demand we talk immediately, want to solve things straight away, get impatient and angry when they won't discuss it, to the point that I text and text, eventually saying it's over The next morning I wake up and regret it, then spend days grovelling.
I know some of the solutions, I'm trying to meditate and I write down notes telling myself not to do it, not to overreact but when it happens again I can't stop myself.
I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm not like this with my children or friends.
I think I get frustrated .. want control over everything .. some things you can't control ... and I dont cope with it.
Sorry, I sound like a horrible spoilt person. But I'm not. I'm caring, generous. ..
Has anyone experienced anything similar .. found a solution, a self help book, a course .. something that helps? Or is it something I'll have to cope with - or not cope with - all my life?
I'm at my wits end ... can't take anymore. I hate myself and if it wasn't for my daughter I'd turn myself in to a mental hospital or kill myself. But I have to be here for my dd.
I should add .. the past couple of years have been awful ... both parents very ill, then one passed away .. my marriage broke down, leaving loads of joint debt following ex husband's lack of employment (and my inability to work - due to lack of qualifications and having a breakdown in my job) ....sold the house and have been living in horrible rented accommodation with little money. I buy things to make me happy .. but it doesn't work. I'm in the esa support group so not working .. some days I don't get out of bed .. can't
Sorry for the long post. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do. I've probably lost someone who is very lovely and it's all my fault.
Thanks both. I'm not coping either and have no idea what to do. . I write myself notes telling myself how to behave ...but in the moment they seem meaningless. It's a case of "ill just say this one thing ..." and then it escalates from there