I need help. Now. But I'm scared to get help. I'm scared to tell any professional I feel suicidal, but I don't want to die, because my daughter will get taken off me by SS or her controlling father
But I'm suffering. I really am. I'm barely eating or sleeping. But my now ex best friend reported me to SS last year when I was in a state and although they just rang up once and that was it I'm scared of them getting involved again.
I struggle with depression and have had a very hard life. My ex has just broke up with me for the 100th time and I'm scared I'll never get over him. I'm devastated and absolutely broken especially as he's ignoring me. I feel like I'm never going to find anyone who loves me and accepts me for all my baggage. I'm also struggling with Mother's Day tomorrow as in the past 2 years I've had two abortions due to my mh.
I'm in a really bad place and I don't want to die. I love my little girl more than anything but I have no emotional support and feel so isolated and alone and desperate because the pain is getting too much.
Are you safe right now? Do you think you can keep yourself safe tonight? If not you need to go to A&E they will keep you safe and get you a propper assessment.
You can also call samaritans 116 123 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
Its really scary when we have these types of thoughts, I've been there myself. It is very very unlikely that SS will take your daughter away, they would much rather support you to keep you both together, if they are even involved.
You know you need to get some help to stay safe for yourself and because your daughter needs you. Other options for getting help are to ring 111 (they have arranged out of hours GP for DH in the past) or to see your GP on Momday (ask for an urgent appointment).
I have had very bad thoughts ... and what made it worse was that at the time everythng really was wonderful. We were on our boat sailing round N Spain. There should have not bieen amy way I was having such bad thoughts.. But I was.
Fortunatly I have learned to recognise my condition for what it is and have managed to not act on it... Saying thqt, doesn't make it any easier at the time...
What MH support do you have? I think you need to talk to your GP, or CPN if you have one, about how you are feeling. They can't get you the right support unless they know what is going on. And seeking the right support will be a big positive if social services do get involved (which is unlikely as it doesn't sound like your daughter is at risk)
When you go back to your GP explain what councelling you have had and what they have said and ask who else they can refer to. To be honest I doubt they would be refering for councelling for you feeling suicidal. There are different levels of referal depending on severity and what support is needed.
I just worry about ss being involved. I bit the bullet though and went to the gp. He's doubled my med dose and given me some tablets to calm me down for the next month and referred me for counselling. I feel a bit better but still crushed and empty.
Well done for seeing the GP, hopefully the change in meds will help whilst you are waiting for councelling. SS want to help keep families together even if they do get involved. And the fact that you are seeking help would be seen as a positive step by ss too. And in all likelyhood they won't be involved anyway, you obviously love your kids and wouldn't harm them.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You have been surrounded by cruel people and have no support. Your response is completely normal. Your feelings are entirely valid.
You need to reach out to try to find support in any respect - Sure Start, health visitors, GP, anything. You don't have to blame yourself or any weakness. Just say a lack of support long term and the abusive behaviour of others has created a need for other support.
Anyone would feel as you do. Respect yourself. Seek help wherever you can