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Struggling to cope with baby

(8 Posts)
goldenpineapple Fri 24-Mar-17 09:11:11

Anyone got any advice on coping with looking after a baby whilst depressed and anxious? I'm struggling so much. My DH is very supportive but runs his own business and it's really stressful. I thought I was just going through a kind of grief over not being able to EBF (long story short I had a breast reduction years back), but have finally admitted its just a continuation of mental health problems I've had since I can remember, triggered by the feeding, but to be honest I think I'd be struggling even if that wasn't an issue. I'm on antidepressants now and having psychotherapy, but it's so hard. I feel so broken. I'm terrified of the impact this will have on my baby and it feels like I'm never going to be able to cope. My baby is 5 months and will still only nap on me or in the sling so I never get to rest. I feel like this is my fault, I feel like everything's my fault. He's waking every hour at night at the moment and often needs to be held to get any sleep. I just want to be a good mum and stop causing my husband so much stress. I'm scared I'll end up hurting myself, go back to old ways of coping. I feel stupid for not realising this would happen, I feel like I shouldn't have had a baby. It's not fair on him. I love him but it's so hard. I know there's no quick fix for this, I just want to feel less alone suppose. Sorry this is so long.

juneau Fri 24-Mar-17 09:16:05

Firstly, have you spoken to your GP about this? If the answer is 'no', please make an appointment today. If you have a history of depression and anxiety it should be in your notes. Secondly, are you on any medication at the moment? Again, if the answer is 'no' then you almost certainly should be and taking the correct meds should help you to feel better almost immediately. Your health visitor should also be able to help if you have a good relationship with her. Please reach out for some support. It sounds like you're suffering from some version of PND, which is fortunately well understood these days and help is available. Don't feel stupid or blame yourself - PND can happen to anyone and the only thing that matters is getting help to help you be the parent you want to be. flowers for you.

FreeWeezy Fri 24-Mar-17 09:23:25

I felt exactly the same at 5 months. I had a breakdown and went to the gp. Been on anti depressants for 4 months now and it's starting to get better smile I think part of that is dd is getting older. 5 months is still so tiny and he will do so much growing over the next few months. When dd was 5 months she was exactly like your ds, naps were non existent, she wouldn't sleep longer than one or two hours st night, I was going insane. It just felt like she cried all day (and so did I!) but in just 4 months she now naps twice a day in the cot. I just feed and put her down (thanks to some sleep training, not for everyone I know but it saved my sanity) and she sleep much better at night. I know it's hard and it feels like this will go on forever but it won't.
But for now, how much does your dh help you? If you're not bfing then does he help in the night? Do you have any family who could take him out for the day and you can get some time alone to rest or do whatever you like?
I would see not bfing as a positive thing (if you can). I am bfing and tbh I wish she'd take a bottle sometimes sad all the feeding falls to me so I can never get much time to myself, I'm counting down to her first birthday so I can stop! Haha. Sorry this is long and a big ramble. I just know how alone I felt (and still feel sometimes) and I didn't care too much what was actually said, just talking to someone helped smile feel free to write on this thread whenever you like. I'll always reply smile cakebrewflowers

goldenpineapple Fri 24-Mar-17 09:45:37

Thanks juneau. Yes, I've been to my GP and am on citolapram, just gone up to 20mg. I should've gone to the doctor sooner really, I just didn't want to admit how bad things are and I hate having to go back on medication. I hope it helps. My health visitor is pretty useless tbh. She knows the situation, the GP has spoken to her twice apparently, as well as someone from a charity that have been helping me. But she's never got in touch. im trying to get support.

Thanks Weezy. Reassuring to know you've got through this. I am still bfing but with top ups every feed. He feeds a lot for comfort and like to sleep attached! So yes my DH can technically feed him but he struggles to, he always wants me. i can definitely appreciate the advantages of him taking a bottle though. My DH is very good at helping in the night, couldn't ask for more really. It's just often ds just wants mum! Can't bear thought of sleep training and he's still too little...hoping it doesn't come to that but who knows. Family are nearby but I'm not currently in contact, it's a long story. Close friends all in another city. So no one to help really. I don't think I could be without him all day anyway, never leave him for more than hour (for therapy), but I think perhaps I need to try getting some time to rest. And yes, it does just help that someone is there, thank you. Glad you are starting to feel better.

juneau Fri 24-Mar-17 10:03:42

My HV was fucking useless too, although I was lucky not to really need anything from her. It's a shame there are so many bad ones, when they're often the people best placed to notice when a new DM is struggling, since they visit the home, something a doctor rarely does these days. I hope the citalopram helps. Does it help with anxiety too?

FreeWeezy Fri 24-Mar-17 11:02:00

I know it's so hard to leave them. And you're right he is still too little to sleep train. I didn't until dd was 8.5 months. I completely understand about him wanting mum but I think it's really important to let your dh learn how to settle him in his own way. I would always take over from dp when what he was doing wasn't working. But recently I've been leaving her with him more and he is learning his own was to calm her and it's great for their bonding.
You sounds a bit isolated sad where abouts are you? Have you tried the mush app? Its great for meeting other local mum's, it's surprising how many new mums are right in your door step!
Sorry I didn't realise you were mixed feeding smile that's great.
I really think you need to get some time to yourself. Even if it is just an hour on one of your dhs days off. He could take ds for a walk in the pram and you can have a bath or a nap or watch tv or dance around naked. Whatever you want! But it's important not to lose yourself in taking care of ds. You're still a person in your own right. You're more than just a mum and while most of your time will be spent with ds you still need to find time for yourself.

user1490395938 Fri 24-Mar-17 23:11:47

Hello, just wanted to say you are so not alone and it WILL get better as baby grows. You sound a lovely mummy. No advice but just wanted to send hugs x

FreeWeezy Sun 26-Mar-17 20:20:59

How are you doing golden?

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