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Partner and my depression

(7 Posts)
allusedup Tue 21-Mar-17 22:52:38

Been with partner for almost two years and am going through an episode of severe anxiety and depression - for the first time since we've been together, but an issue I've had for several years. I'd told him about this from the beginning but don't think he understood full extent of it. We are also long distance (uk/Europe). He is great and does what he can but I think is frustrated he can't just make it better. We are both in stressful work situations which adds to pressure and means we only see each other every 2-4 months. I'm frightened of pushing him away by being so miserable and sad, which happened to me in a previous relationship. It feels like I'm creating an even bigger distance between us when we should still be in a kind of honeymoon period, and so conscious of the pain and worry i cause him. I just wondered if anyone has advice on how to manage relationships when one partner has depression - in terms of communication, taking action, how to keep things going during such a stressful time.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Wed 22-Mar-17 19:11:28

I've not got any experience of long distance relationships. DH suffers with depression and psychosis and I've suffered with depression in the past and am currently recovering from PTSD. We have found the most important thing is to keep comunication channels open. Its so easy to withdraw into ourselves. DH and I also use a score out of 10 to communicate how bad or good we are feeling as words like ok or fine can mean so many things. Ultimately if your DP is the right one for you they will take time to find out more about your illness and how it affects you. It might help if you can explain what things he can do that will help, or if theres nothing that helps, that its not his fault, its the illness.

allusedup Thu 23-Mar-17 09:43:00

NolongerAnxiousCarer, thank you. I really like the out of ten tool. I agree, communication is so important - I will keep trying. Wishing you all the best with your recovery and with your DH.

fallenempires Thu 23-Mar-17 14:17:21

It's hard being in a relationship with a depressed partner.I can appreciate his frustration as it must be very painful for him to see you struggle.Like most men he is probably a problem solver,but this illness can't necessarily be solved in a conventional way sadly.
Has he sought to seek out information from the carer's pov?There are many resources available online.
What medication have you been prescribed and how long have you been taking it for?

allusedup Thu 23-Mar-17 19:21:16

fallenempires yes, definitely a problem solver, and I think hard for him to accept he can't solve this. I'm not sure if he has looked up info online, but that's a good idea, thank you.
I've been on sertraline for 2.5 years, with an increased dosage since September.

fallenempires Fri 24-Mar-17 09:30:39

Gosh,that's quite a long time.Do you still find them effective?

allusedup Fri 24-Mar-17 12:54:42

Yes I find it still helps day to day but when I have periods of stress/pressure then everything falls apart again. Though with the medication I'm able to bounce back a hit quicker. I'm a bit scared to come off them as going through quite a stressful work period. I've started some therapy so hope that will help give me confidence to come off them in the future.

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