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AIBU or overinvolved with DHs MH?

(14 Posts)
NolongerAnxiousCarer Sun 12-Mar-17 19:56:13

DH has had 2 recognised episodes of psychosis and is under an early intervention. Looking back I think he's had low grade psychosis for most of the time I've known him (10 years) until the MH team got involved 3 years ago and hes been on antipsychotics. He has a CPN who likes to see him weekly. His CPN has been off sick for 6 weeks and he's declined to see another who offered to see him. His CPN has been back 2 weeks but he's not seen him due to work commitments, he had an appointment next week but has now agreed to work that day and will cancel his appointment and rebook for the following week. I've noticed hes stressed which is a trigger for him becoming unwell and I am concerned. When I've mentioned my concern he snapped at me to keep my nose out, it's none of my business. He said he doesn't think he needs to see his CPN anymore as he's been fine whilst he's been off sick. Looking back the times he starts saying that hes ok and telling me to keep my nose out and stop being 'controlling' its either preceded him getting poorly or been whilst so I think my concern is justified. And considering its me that ends up picking the pieces up I think its very much my business. But am I over involved?

hayleyB79 Sun 12-Mar-17 20:18:44

I don't believe you're being over involved just showing concern. When my partner thinks I'm becoming I'll he tells me I need to speak to my care coordinator and when I tell him I'm fine he reminds me that its him and the kids that will suffer and that's enough for me to think well even if I don't believe I'm Ill I trust him and know hes just trying to help me.

oleoleoleole Sun 12-Mar-17 20:29:43

No you are not,over involved, you are recognising his warning signs and possible relapse. Please ring his care co tomorrow and ensure he is seen this week!

NolongerAnxiousCarer Sun 12-Mar-17 20:32:44

He's just come home and conceded that I had a point and his comment about not needing his CPN was a bit off hand. I've reminded him how much it affects me too so hopefully he will take my concern on board.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Sun 12-Mar-17 21:18:32

oleole Hes agreed to see if his CPN can change the appointment time so he can still see him. Unfortunately his CPN is part time which makes it harder fit arround his shifts.

highinthesky Sun 12-Mar-17 21:21:32

You are not over-involved, you are just being responsible. Will your DH not see another CPN, or at least consider forming a patient relationship with one? Because people can work p/t, but MH issues are not.

Woollymammoth63 Sun 12-Mar-17 21:51:51

Hi anxious sorry to hear about your worries. You are right to be concerned as in psychosis a sign of becoming unwell is having no insight into being unwell and refusing interventions. Is he taking his meds ok? Yes try to get him an appt this week and keep an eye if he gets any worse straight onto the GP or ooh etc xx

NolongerAnxiousCarer Mon 13-Mar-17 12:51:15

There is another CPN who supports me who has seen him before and done joint work with us, offered to see him whilst his CPN was off sick. He kept saying he would ring him but not getting round to it. He neds prompting with his meds so I know hes taking then as I get them out every night. He has said he will try to rearrange his appointment time today, not sure wether to send him a reminder, or if that is being too pushy. If I feel I need to I can ring his CPN direct, but I'm worried I'm over reacting due to my anxiety about him getting ill again. I don't want to be running to his CPN every 5 mins behind his back.

I'm trying to be rational:
Theres no evidence of voice hearing
He's not expressed any unusual ideas
He's sleeping ok
He's not showing any signs of erratic behaviour.

on the other hand:
He's admitting to feeling stressed
He's taking on lots of extra work
He's fixating on someone at work whos not pulling his weight
Hes wanting to cancel his CPN appointment
I've just got a bad feeling about things.

To be honest I don't think hes poorly yet, but I think he's heading that way if he doesn't make changes.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Mon 13-Mar-17 17:33:59

When I broke down my wife could see the writing on the wall...
The problem was I thought the world was fine and dandy... until I actually broke down. Wife said it was a very lonely time.

Woollymammoth63 Mon 13-Mar-17 18:29:22

I think you're right - he's possibly shoeing some early deterioration but not actually psychotic/ unwell yet. Will he accept advice re rest/ relaxing etc ? X

NolongerAnxiousCarer Mon 13-Mar-17 19:30:57

We've had a very honest chat and I hope he's taken my concern on board, although I fear that he may be humouring me and thinks I'm fussing about nothing. He's changed his CPN appointment to next week which I'm a bit annoyed about, but I'll keep an eye on him and let CPN know if I think things continue to slide. Considering booking appointment with my carer support CPN to discuss my concerns see what he thinks. He's supposed to be doing some joint work with us, but were waiting for DHs CPN to review him after he got back from being off sick, and DHs just been putting it off due to work. I kind of get why as he's stressed about money but I keep trying to hammer home that his health has to come first.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Tue 14-Mar-17 09:46:42

Would it help him to talk to another man?

Gawd. see what I did there? Will I be shunned from now on? I hope not.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Tue 14-Mar-17 12:29:04

Both CPNs are male which I definately think helps. He also has a male relative with the same condition so I've encouraged him to speak to him. He does seem more settled though.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Wed 15-Mar-17 11:24:29

Whilst his CPN's are male, I am another man with mental heath issues of my own. I have stood in that dark place where everything is black even though the sun is shining. I am very fortunate I am now on the way out and better understand myself and am coping with life (with the wonderful support of my wife).

I am not a trained mental health support worker, I am simply someone who has felt the pain of depression and mental illness and also been shunned for being ill.

How are you coping at the moment?

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