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Single mum, no friends, no support or money

(27 Posts)
ashleigh8419 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:47:11

I feel so depressed. I'm so socially isolated. My daughters dad isn't in her life and I have no friends. I can't go out to work as I have no childcare at all. I just sit in the house all day and I have no money. I can't work or do anythingsad I love my daughter but it's so hard since her dad left I'm so alone I have no one and no help or friends. I feel like ending it at times.

CheesyChristie Fri 10-Mar-17 21:48:46

That's horrible. I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation.

Whereabouts in the country are you? If you're near me I'd love to meet up.

ControlledAdultChild Fri 10-Mar-17 21:50:26

flowers

How old is your daughter?

ZilphasHatpin Fri 10-Mar-17 21:51:27

If your income is low you can get up to 70% of your childcare fees paid for by working tax credits. Is your child school age or younger?

Purplebluebird Fri 10-Mar-17 21:51:33

Where are you? I'm in a similar situation. sad

differences23 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:52:20

Where are you? How old is your dc?

ashleigh8419 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:54:17

I'm in the stockton on tees area x

Girliefriendlikesflowers Fri 10-Mar-17 21:54:34

How old is your dd?

I'm a single parent to a dd, her dad isn't involved at all.

Could you look for a p/t job? You will get help with childcare costs through tax credits.

ashleigh8419 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:54:51

I live in stockton on tees x

ashleigh8419 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:55:39

She's 8 months

ashleigh8419 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:56:16

8 month

MsVTired Fri 10-Mar-17 21:56:46

Hi OP sorry your feeling down, you can get help through tax credits with paying for a registered childminder or nursery so you can work. How old is your daughter?

MsVTired Fri 10-Mar-17 21:58:02

x post
could you maybe find something with set hours in retail for 2 or 3 days a week?

ashleigh8419 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:58:57

8 months

MsVTired Fri 10-Mar-17 21:59:25

That could also help with social side talking with colleagues etc.

Girliefriendlikesflowers Fri 10-Mar-17 21:59:32

I went back to work when my dd was 8 months, maybe have a look at what childcare options there are either nursery or childminders and then look at finding a job.

Being at home all day with a baby on your own is really hard, I needed to work for my own sanity!

There maybe a few baby/ toddler groups or children centres locally that offer ways to meet new people.

If you are feeling really low might be worth speaking to your G.P.

MsVTired Fri 10-Mar-17 22:00:43

Are there any baby groups you and the baby can go to, to socialise for an hour or so a few times a week?

ControlledAdultChild Fri 10-Mar-17 22:04:05

Can you try going to a toddler group? Just to get out and meet some other mums in your local area. You could also speak to your health visitor who might be able to advise you on groups which are free to attend.

KarmaNoMore Fri 10-Mar-17 22:12:22

Well, welcome to the club. It sucks but I can assure you that it gets better with time.

I have not much time to myself since DS stopped seeing his dad many years ago. The first 2 years were very challenging. but this is what helped:

First of all, have a routine. The only way you can have time to do the chores, play with her, have a time to yourself is if she goes to sleep as a regular time.

Sleep well, if you are well rested, you will find it much easier to cope with whatever the day throws at you.

Get a job, any job would do, you need a time that you can call your own, have adult conversations and be yourself rather than just mum. You may not earn much once the nursery is paid BUT you will keep your sanity and will make things more bearable. I have a professional job but there was a time I needed to take a job stacking shelves. I never imagined that I was going to find it so therapeutic, I didn't have much time to think about bad things, did lots of exercise (about 9 miles a day walking around the store and really enjoyed talking with clients).

Tax credits makes a huge difference if you are working at least 16 hours a week. It dies really help to avoid getting worried about empty cupboards and bills. It can also cover a big chunk of nursery fees.

Facebook, mumsnet, the telephone are fantastic companions once the little one is in bed.

Meet other single mums. It does make a HUGE difference. You cannot imagine the amount of support you can get and give when you make friends with people that are going through the same.

And don't dispair, once your kid is in school/nursery, you will make lots of friends through her.

It is all transient, it is just a matter of surviving the years when they need you so much. It gets easier with time.

ZilphasHatpin Fri 10-Mar-17 22:17:40

Even if you can't get to groups/meet friends/people/get a job, one really important thing you need to do every day is get outside! I really can't stress how important that is for your mental well being. Even if it's just in the garden for 20 minutes or sitting on a bench up the street. Do it. Take your baby in the pram and get outside. Set a timer for 20 minutes if you think you'll really struggle to stay out. But just do it. If that's the only target you set yourself every day do it. Really makes a massive difference.

LornaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 10-Mar-17 22:23:41

Hello OP,

we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources here.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on jo@samaritans.org.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

StarUtopia Fri 10-Mar-17 22:27:31

Can admin not amend the title to 'Stockton On Tees'

I don't live anywhere near there, sorry, but if I did, I would happily meet up and get you out of the house!

jadeyty Fri 10-Mar-17 22:30:47

I live in Darlington and looking to meet other mums. I am 31 weeks pregnant. Happy to meet 😊

Missikat Fri 10-Mar-17 22:38:04

Have you thought about volunteering? There are lots of charities that have funds available to pay for childcare for people who volunteer for a day or two a week. It's a great way to get out, meet new people, build skills and get childcare paid at the same time. Good luck, parenthood is hard at the best of times without little RL support.

Purplebluebird Sat 11-Mar-17 08:18:36

Afraid I'm nowhere near that :/

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