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I'm so lonely...(6 Posts)
I feel so lonely..
I'm 19 and I'm 6 months pregnant. I moved out of my parents house about a year ago with my now fiancé due to conflict with my parents. My parents are very old school conservatives so when I found out I was pregnant I knew they wouldn't like it at all I was pregnant once before but my mom persuaded me to have an abortion, I now know I made the right decision I was 17 and very naive, it would have been unfair to the child to keep it, but the second time around I knew this is what I wanted and nobody would change my mind.. My mom eventually came around to the idea but my dad is still not talking to me, I went around to their house for dinner once after I moved out and it was like nothing changed. He was still the same and just pretended like I wasn't pregnant. I think he just felt like he needed closure after quite literally pushing me out the door and chucking all my belongings on the front garden..I forgave him for this because quite frankly I was a little shit at times..
I have an older sister who is 26 this April, she's marrying a much older man and I personally believe it's because of the financial stability he gives her..but that's another story all together! She doesn't have any children of her own. So I told her I was pregnant and she said she would be by my side no matter what! A few weeks down the line I tell my parents and they are slowly accepting it in their own way and she wants nothing to do with me. She didn't speak to me for weeks and I finally confronted her about her behaviour and attitude and she then blames her absence from my life on the fact she thinks I'm selfish for having this baby and myself and my fiancé are naive and won't give this baby the best in life..this broke my heart as I felt like was really doing well and sorting everything out that needed to be sorted. I was hurt because she said she would be there and she wasn't and she still isn't!
I keep to myself a lot and I don't have any long term friends as I've moved to two different countries over 10 years and lots of different cities and towns so it was hard to make any long term friends! I have the few that chat on Facebook but nothing real.
My fiancé is great, actually he is the best man I've ever met in my life. He's tall handsome and has a heart of absolute gold! I really couldn't wish for a better man to raise my son! He's a civil engineer so he doesn't really have set work hours so he's working a lot and at odd times so it's hard to plan or spend much time together, we're always together when he's not working but sometimes I feel he's not really there, he's usually so tired from the shift before I get a good 2 hours with him then he's asleep!
I lost my job 15 minutes after I found out I was pregnant..talk about serious mixed emotions at that time! I was devastated but I then realised it was blessing in disguise as I was really struggling with the long hours. I was a home carer for a family that didn't appreciate my time or efforts. I was tired when I came home I just went to sleep sometimes days without a shower because I was so mentally drained with being 18 and getting kicked out, having all this responsibility and independence literally dropped on me like a tonne of bricks..I'm surprised I didn't have a huge meltdown but I was just so numb at the time I probably didn't even have time for a melt down! So that happened and I was going to try and get another job as I was still very early..as time went on I liked just being at home and doing house wife stuff.. it was a novelty for me to be a house wife at the time I wasn't a very good one but I still liked the fact I could have all my morning sickness in the comfort of my own home!
So I'm 6 months now..my fiancé is working a lot and I'm just so alone.. I have nobody, my parents and my sister are on a weekend away this weekend and of course I was not invited. I tried to meet up with another mom but she obviously used her little as an excuse not to see me as I saw her later that day out on Instagram..I literally feel so sad and lonely, I don't really have anybody to talk to except for my dog and fiancé but I don't want to annoy him with my troubles..sometimes I'll be lying on the sofa and I'll just pray to god to do the right thing for me and if the right thing is for something to happen to my little growing boy then so be it. I obviously feel horrible after having such thoughts but having the freedom to go to work and still look sexy sometimes seems a lot more appealing then a baby.. I already love him with all my heart but I can't help but feel lonely and maybe not being pregnant would be best for me..I can't wait for my son I really can't but I'm so sad and lonely and I feel incredibly down..
I just needed to get this all my chest and I must admit I still feel like shit..if any body had been through something similar or have advise that might help me get through this time I would appreciate it.
Thank you for reading.
Sounds like you're having a really tough time of it at the moment. I can't say I've been through what you're going through at the moment but my eldest sister did and the family all came round once her baby was born and she got the support she desperately needed. I'm sure the same will happen for you, hopefully sooner.
Firstly I'm sorry to hear that you feel lonely and your family have not behaved as they ought to and been supportive. They will come round to the idea with time.
Becoming a parent can be a lonely experience when you don't have any peers doing the same thing. My advice would be initially to find if there any local mum to be groups, ask the midwife or health centre looking after you, there are often ones aimed at younger mums. Also can you attend an exercise class for pregnant woman? It can take time to make solid friends but just getting into a routine and meeting others will help you feel better.
I got kicked out by my parents at 16 and then continued to have a very turbulent relationship with them after. They hated my now ex husband and their grandchildren. I moved around a lot before I had my babies and after I had them too, so didn't have many friends. I know what your going through and it's really tough. I promise you it will get easier! The people on Mumsnet are great for company, also when the baby arrives you can start going to the mother and baby groups. Have you thought about maybe volunteering for the next few months to give you something to do?
I found when I was at home by myself, I'd set myself one task a day, something like take the dog for an hour long walk at 2pm, it broke the day up a little and it got me out of the house. Xx
I left my mums home at 1) to live in with dad then left when I was 18 and pregnant. It was bloody hard work, but I look at my 6ft 2 young man (17) and he was the best thing to happen to me.
It is tough when you feel alone but it will get better I promise. You always have people hear to listen and talk too
I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely. If you were in South Wales I would meet you for coffee. You might find that things improve on eve your baby is here. I was lonely pre baby and now I have more of a social life than I ever had! You suddenly have something in common with lots of other women and have a reason to meet up. Join every baby group you can find and use an app called "mush" isn't designed to help mums meet up. Xxxxxxx
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