I don't know

[babs7051]

I don't know why I am posting this, I just feel that everything has got on top of me and I can't cope.
I came in today and I'd stupidly let myself believe I might be pregnant, 6 years trying and I still manage to think that this will be the month! My cycles are erratic and I was on 45 days, I had some cramping last week that I convinced myself was implantation but obviously not.
My dads in hospital, he's dying of lung cancer and there is nothing I can do. I feel so sad that I will never have the relationship with him that I want. He forgets my birthday he even sent a card with my name spelt wrong!
My step dad is at home with my mum he is bedridden and on oxygen permanently for copd. So obviously he isn't going to last much longer either.
I've started a new job a few months back but I'm not sure if I can cope with it. I enjoy it but there's so much paperwork and I just feel like I'm letting everyone down. How can I help troubled youngsters when I'm in such a state myself?
I'm supposed to be saving for a holiday but it's not going well. I keep trying to give up smoking but that's not working either.
I don't know I snapped at my little boy this morning and apologised but he doesn't deserve a miserable snapping mum.
I've spent most of the morning crying, I'm off to work now but don't know how I'll cope.
Sorry I think I just needed to write it all down somewhere. To top it off my washing machine has broke and my landlord doesn't like fixing things! Have had a broken tap since we've moved I 7 years ago the carpets fraying and nails coming up through the floorboards! Mi just don't know what to do

[Cheesecake53]

Hey, I did not want to read and run :)

All seems to come at once now for you and from so many different sides, it is absolutely understandable how you feel. I was in a difficult period when my ds was small and snapped at him more than once. It is a horrible feeling, but he does not remember it now and times did get better :) Regarding your landlord being reluctant to do repairs. Considering how long you've been living there, he could not throw you out quickly, so maybe it is worth to pester him with this? If you've been trying to get pregnant for such a long time, maybe you could talk to your gp about this and get some help? I am so sorry that your dads are so unwell. I send you a big hug!

[NolongerAnxiousCarer]

you have a lot on your plate at the moment. I completely understand the rollercoaster of wanting to be pregnant and convincing yourself every month however unlikely. Since I've been on Mirtazapine my cycles have been very irregular (currently on day 42) and its driving me mad. I really get that crushing disapointment that goes with it each month.

A new job often seems overwhelming to start with as you are only just learning how everything works, hopefully that will get easier with time. Do you have any support whilst you settle in. And if its all getting a bit much a trip to your GP might be an idea to help support you through this tough time.