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Am I depressed?

(7 Posts)
jbee1979 Wed 08-Mar-17 21:37:42

My daughter is nearly 2 and I've struggled since she was born. Being a mum and the relentlessness has been a challenge, but I love her more than anything and I meet every challenge and my husband is fantastic with her.

I lost my mum in December after a shock cancer diagnosis and a short but traumatic decline. We had an uneasy relationship at times, but she lived for her children and grandchildren and we were very much loved. I miss her so much it makes me ache.

Recently I'm really struggling at work. Everything has been an effort, since having my daughter, but more so since losing mum. I've been going to counselling and it helps, but there's only 2 sessions left (I was allocated 6 free through work). I didn't have a lot of time off after the funeral, as I'd spent a lot of time away from work, caring for mum.

I look unprofessional and I'm not keeping on top of things, in many ways I just don't give a damn, but unfortunately I NEED to be there, keep working, earning something. I am paid on commission, and sometimes 4 months in arrears, and my pay has been rubbish this last 3 months because I'd not been there to sell in Q4 of last year.

Thanks for reading this far. I'm sorry this is so long. My question is, do you think would antidepressants help me? I have resisted any assistance, because my feelings are all NORMAL. My GP has offered, but I thought it would be better to try to work through my grief and try to find the new normal and just keep my head down. Fake it until I make it. Now I feel like I'm in a dark hole and it's getting deeper.

The counsellor had me fill in the sheet for depression/anxiety and apparently I have both. I know I am anxious - about little things that wouldn't be an issue to me in real life - especially driving, for some reason. If I didn't have to get up for my husband and my daughter and my job every day, I wouldn't even leave the house. Nothing feels right, but that's normal? Right?

Thanks in advance, hopefully. Even if no one replies, it's been good to type this.

CactusFred Wed 08-Mar-17 21:39:56

I'm no expert but it does sound as though you might be, yes.

Has the GP offered any counselling or could you access privately (and avoid the wait/CBT) - or local charities offering bereavement counselling?

CactusFred Wed 08-Mar-17 21:40:48

Sorry I meant alternative counselling.

jbee1979 Wed 08-Mar-17 21:48:25

Thank you for replying Cactus. The GP said it was a 3 month wait for counselling so I was able to arrange something via my employers. I wanted to speak to someone faster than that because I'd been grieving for my mum while she was still here - she declined so rapidly. I can ask and see if they would refer me for another chat. It might be good to have another angle from a different person. Thank you.

bloodyteenagers Wed 08-Mar-17 21:48:35

Here you can self refer for cbt etc is that an option? Waiting list says 4-6 weeks for initial contact. But reality could be quicker.
Not sure about mess. I think I'm supposed to make this choice. Was given a link to look at them.

jbee1979 Wed 08-Mar-17 22:05:51

Thanks bloody, self referral isn't an option in my area. I'd have to go to the doctor in person. Maybe I should just bite the bullet. I know it's still early days, but I had my coat on ready to go AWOL from work earlier and I was physically shaking in a meeting with my boss first thing. I can't lose my job or I'm sunk. It's a shock to realise today how much I've let slide.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Wed 08-Mar-17 22:28:37

Given what you have described... You are doing pretty well to still be a walking zombie... Many weaker people would have given up long ago.

It is not surprising, new and growing naby, loosing mum, money worries. Bite the bullet and get help in any way you can.

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