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What could I have done differently?

(4 Posts)
Confusedandconfused Mon 06-Mar-17 11:05:26

Hi, I posted this in AIBU,thought I would post it here also to get more views of people with experience in MH difficulties. Sorry it is very long.

. I'm in my early 20s, live in a house share with 2 others (not in the UK and we are not from the country where we live).one of these women in particular has been a close friend for many years, and the other I have considered a friend since I came to this country.
In September, I started a new job and became very overwhelmed and stressed.I was behaving extremely out of character, felt overwhelmingly anxious in social situations and when out and about. It got so bad that I didn't want to leave the house or even leave my room if there were other people in the house. Felt anxious in shops, would start crying when I crossed the threshold of the house because I was so relieved to be alone. I was also sleeping for about 14 hours a day. I'm a very sociable and outgoing person generally and love to be out and about so suddenly feeling like this was a terrifying experience for me.

I went to the doctor and was referrred to a psychiatrist who was not that helpful, prescribed medication but I would ideally have liked to access counselling in English, which isn't available in this area. It sounds bizarre but this literally just passed after a couple of months and I feel normal again now. I don't know if anyone has ever experienced anything like this? It improved after i went home at Christmas, so I don't know if it was some kind of extreme homesickness. I have been doing a lot of online mindfulness activities so don't know if it's that either.

Since this happened, neither of my housemates have been properly speaking to me. They stopped inviting me to things, stopped including me in little things in the house (e.g watching a movie), arranged things without asking me (weekend trips for the weekend of my birthday). I wasn't feeling sociable anyway as I say but it still hurt not to be invited. I mentioned this recently as said that I was feeling really disrespected in the house (things like having people to stay without asking me, giving people I don't know keys without asking me etc). They said that I had stopped wanting to be their friend and to talk to them, and said that I had been upset and wouldn't leave my room like this was something I had done wrong. They then said that I am now pretending to be ok (wtf) and being friendly but I didn't want to be their friend before Christmas, didn't want to confide in them or take their advice. Their advice was to move home, which was not financially possible for me and seemed extreme, without trying to sort myself out here and when I mentioned this, they both just sighed and rolled their eyes at me. I tried to confide in one of them twice and bith times later heard her talking to the other housemate about it. When I mentioned that I found this hurtful, I was told that I was draining and difficult to live with. Anyway they have said that my behaviour was too concerning before Xmas and they don't want to be my friend as I was "draining them". They literally never expressed this to me at the time. AIBU to find this hurtful after years of friendship?

As an aside, I have a lot of experience in dealing with people with mental health difficulties, my dad had depression when I was a teenager which led him to be physically violent toward me. This was obviously extremely difficult for our whole and I had confided in one of the housemates about it at the time. When I said I understood that I had been a bad friend but I genuinely hadn't been in a fit state to be a good one, she said "you of all people should understand how difficult it is to live with someone who's like this". AIBU to think the situation of being attacked by a parent who is putting the entire family under extreme stress, not working, putting his business in jeopardy etc is not comparable to this???

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Mon 06-Mar-17 13:35:22

I don't think you could have done anything different.

That's the thing, when you are ill, you can only do what you can bearing in mind you are ill. It's like asking someone with asthma if they can run a marathon in under three hours. NO they can't because they have asthma.

When you are ill with depression you can't behave as if you are healthy because you are ill with depression. The problem is your housemates lack of understanding. Suggest you find out which are their favourite film stars, comedians, actors etc and check if they are depressives. There is a very high chance they are! It becomes very difficult to be disparaging of someone for being depressive when your favourite film star is also a depressive.

The list of famous depressives includes:-
George III
Churchill
Spike Milligan
Ruby Wax
Carrie Fisher
Stephen Fry
Jean Claude Van Damme
Catherine Zeta Jones
Frank Bruno

I could go on for a long time

NolongerAnxiousCarer Tue 07-Mar-17 17:59:59

As different says I think the main issue here is their lack of understanding of you being ill. When people are depressed they can be draining to be arround and difficult to live with, but thats not their fault, they are unwell. Deppression is not an excuse for violence though. I lost someone I thought was a close friend when I was suffering depression the first time, it was sad and hurtful, but I now think I'm better off without them, if they were just a fair weather friend.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Tue 07-Mar-17 21:56:34

No longer,
What do you mean, "when people are depressed they can be draining and difficult"... Thats so unfair.. When I am depressed, I am totally bloody impossible. wink

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