Need a hand hold for the weekend .....

[borderliner]

Saw my psychiatrist today and we've decided, after my mood slipping since Christmas, to change my anti-depressant from sertraline to venlafaxine. I have chronic long term depression, and take an anti-psychotic at low dose as well. I have borderline personality disorder.

I'm feeling very low and weepy, dc are teenagers and dd2 (13) is in a constant foul mood right now and being very awkward, and dh has to work this weekend, he's tried to swap with others but no-one is available, which means he's away until Tuesday evening. Its a hcp role so theres no chance of him being able to get out of it.

Over the last couple of years a few people I've relied on in the past have moved away and I realised I don't really have anyone to call on in a crisis. Thy psych is passing my name on to the crisis team, so that's there. I feel very flat and low and yet panicky too - just no idea what I'm so worried about, I feel I "can't cope" but have no idea what that means...

I suppose I just want to have somewhere to check in over the weekend, if anyone has the time to listen. Thanks.

[PossibiliTea]

Have you got any plans for the weekend? Could you try and get out and about? Anything good on in your area?

[mumsgirl1]

Hi
Post on here when you want. Is there anything you like doing when time seems to slip away so fast? Swimming or shoeshopping. Try and do those activities.
i try and watch comedy shows/comedians who make me laugh and to try not to think too much.
Sorry if this does not help. Wish you well

[wfrances]

i will be around this weekend for a handhold ,
my mood has also plummeted since january, the meds don't seem to be helping (other than knocking me out )
when is he going tonight or tomorrow?

[Lovemusic33]

I am here and in a similar situation, I took myself of venlaxafene a couple months ago but the past week have felt myself sinking. Today has been one of the worst, I feel so lonely at the moment, I am a single mum to one teen and one almost teen.

[borderliner]

dh left this morning, he's been really good about talking to me today but obviously he's busy! Out and about sounds great in theory, but I just don't have the energy or confidence - I'm at the lying in bed with the covers over my head level right now (though I am actually still downstairs, just watched a comedy show with ds (15) and had a bit of a laugh). Dd2 has just grumped downstairs, grunted at me and grumped back up to her room. She hasn't walked the dog and I'm just going to have to let him have a poster round the garden as theres no way to make her do it, I just don't have the energy - rubbish mum at the moment to add to my overwhelming sense of doom and gloom.

[borderliner]

Sorry, things just seem very bleak right now.

[Lovemusic33]

I'm doing the same, watching a film with dd whilst hiding under my blanket. I have been under my blanket most of the day.

[borderliner]

Under a blanket isn't a bad place to be. I'm in bed now, but not sleepy though I'm exhausted.

[Lovemusic33]

I think I'm going to sleep on the sofa, hate sleeping in my bed alone, at least down here I have the dog and cat for company.

[wfrances]

watching the middle with ds 13
just had some pizza
i suffer from insomnia so no bedtime escape , i take a tablet before i go up and it usually knocks me out for 4 hrs (if im lucky.)
i have therapy early tomorrow (9 am) only session 3 but i don't know what to make of it?

[borderliner]

hope the therapy goes well and you get some sleep wfrances. And love music, do you sleep ok on the sofa? I need to be in bed or I keep waking up - I take sedating meds at bedtime, so usually sleep long enough but its notary refreshing.

[Itisnoteasybeingdifferent]

It is now Saturday morning,

I am hoping everyone got through the night. We watched MiB3 for the umpteenth time last night as a relief from the week. Because..

Yesterday we buried the father of my nephew's fiancee. The young couple had just announced their engagement. He took her for a weekend to Florence and got down on bended knee. He had asked her dad in advance and dad was soooo very proud. She has worked her way from being the child of a local lout to being a partner of a professional partnership in one generation. They had everything to look forward to.Then two weeks ago, dad had a massive heart attack and keeled over dead.

We have a wedding to look forward to. But dad will be a huge hole at the heart of the festivities.

I know none of that helps someone who is depressed. Life is just so very fragile and precious.

[wfrances]

itisnot -sorry to hear that , life is very bittersweet.
i had an awful night , tablets are shite managed to get too sleep at 2ish
woke back up at 3.15 -as usual
drifted off again
wide awake at 5.30
just laid there until 8
worst thing you can do -just laying there ruminating!
therapy was ???? i have alexithymia ,so someone asking me how i feel is met with either shrugs /silence/or i dont know.
i can talk about lots of stuff ,but then she asks how does/did that make you feel ?or how did/do you feel about that ?
can you even have therapy if you cant say how your feeling?
hope you've all managed to have a peaceful night and a good morning.

[borderliner]

I had a rough night, lots of very vivid, intrusive dreams. I don't feel like I've slept at all.

This morning I've done nothing until 20 mins ago, when I got up, i've made a pile of washing to do and had a shower. Now I'm back in bed but I feel a tiny bit better for getting washed. The weekend still looks incredibly long from where I'm sitting. Dh is hoping to get a colleague to cover for a few hours on Sunday evening so he can pop home for a bit.

[HereInMyHead]

I am glad you were able to have a shower and felt a bit better for it. Could you make yourself something nice to eat now?

[Lovemusic33]

I had a bad night too, I took Valium but took hours to get to sleep then had vivid dreams this morning ( didn't know what was real and what wasn't ). Dragged myself out with the kids this morning but struggled not to cry whilst driving and had no energy so came home. Back on the sofa, kids are in their rooms, had a nap after crying . Kids are at their dads tomorrow so not sure what I will do.

[borderliner]

I had a better afternoon, went out with a dd2 who had decided to be nice after all - she needed some toiletries and new jeans and we went and had a couple of bits to eat at Yo Sushi.

Now home and in bed, taken my medication.

Dh has a lovely colleague who is covering for him from 7pm tomorrow, so he will be home around 8 and overnight, though will then be gone again Mon am till Tuesday evening. Then Wednesday is his day off and he's off Thursday (for my Grandma's funeral), so the rest of the week looks manageable.

The crisis team phoned at lunchtime and just had a chat, they're going to call again tomorrow and possibly pop out on Monday to see how I'm doing. The thing is theres nothing much they can do, they can't make the meds work any faster!

Sorry you had a bad night Lovemusic, I don't know if its better to be left alone or to have the kids around as a distraction, I find that hard to judge.

[Itisnoteasybeingdifferent]

I am all in right now. been doing a lot of physical stuff most of the day. Also not had anything to drink.. We seem to have gone off the booze. Sleeping better for it. But the evenings are a bit if a drag when we are tired and don't have the energy to do anything. We used to walk to the local and have a drink. But it was becoming a bad habit and I do think it stopped us sleeping.

[borderliner]

how are folks this evening? I've had a quiet day really but dh has just phoned to say he should be home in 45 mins or so, so I've been putting the tea on so we can eat together once he, and dd1 who was working today, get home.

I'm so tired though. I've pottered around on MN and FB a bit, done a bit of knitting and made tea and I'm though roughly worn out and won't have the energy to eat much I don't think.

Will be good to have dh here.

itsnoteasy well done with the drinking - I've had real issues in the past and it was one way I knew that I needed help as I'd had way too much a couple of times and was drinking most days. I always feel better when I'm not doing it, but its such an easy way to relax ..... Good for you for stopping!

[Itisnoteasybeingdifferent]

Border,
Thank you. we did pop along to the local after a day in the garden and I had a couple of drinks... I used to slosh down at least three every night. TBH, part of the attraction was getting out the house and talking to someone else. We work from home and we can actually go for a week without seeing anyone.

Watched Paxo going up the Severn and now almost too tired to post..