My mental health is plummeting quickly. I have BPD, depression and anxiety. Because of my physical deterioration my depression is suddenly becoming worse.
Scared I will become suicidal again, I become impulsive and can go from not suicidal to very, quickly.
I am spending more and more time in bed, and when working, I am present in body but not in mind. I am taking the day off tomorrow. We own our own business so I won't get sacked, but obviously work will build up.
Several things have caused this flare up. A cold several weeks ago have impacted energy levels, then 3 weeks ago today I had day surgery on my spine. PIP forms have had to be completed (I was on lifetime award DLA), and I am stressed about that.
My DH is very supportive, but I know he can only pick up so much slack from me. He has long term health issues too.
I see me GP regularly every 2-3 weeks. He makes an appointment for me when I am there. I have been under crisis and home treatment teams in the past and have been an inpatient but currently only under GP as MH care wasn't working for me. No crisis plan in place.
My triggers are usually stress based, and also when my physical health deteriorates. Seeing GP next week, if I ring I can't usually get in with the same GP and don't get the level of support with other Dr's at the surgery.
I sent the PIP forms off yesterday, took my over a week to fill in, provided lots of letters which my GP printed off for me, but I am still expecting to lose it. I am not actively suicidal but don't want to go there again. Last time I was taken off a motorway bridge by Police back to MH ward. Thank you wine & nolonger
Hi Claire I have bpd too and know how difficult the extreme and sudden mood changes can be especially when these include suicidal thoughts. So another handhold from me. Have you done any DBT at all? It really helped me with impulsiveness, in particular practising mindfulness.
Bluefluff I have DBT workbooks but struggle to concentrate on them. I have Fibromyalgia and it's associated brain fog. I have dysphagia and struggle to eat and mindfulness wanted me to concentrate on enjoying my food. I panic with food in my mouth and want to distract myself not concentrate on it.
My father choked to death and I am convinced I will too. I hardly drink anything, two small cups of tea/coffee a day. I am convinced I have the genetic illness that caused my dad, uncle and grandmother to choke to death. There is no test and I may have passed it on to my children.
I'm so sorry to hear that I totally understand why you wouldn't want to focus on that.
I find some mindful things easier to do than other. I usually run a bubble bath, sit outside in the garden and see what sounds I can hear. Or sit and stroke the cat! Something where too much thinking isn't involved and something you enjoy. I know lots of people enjoy colouring but I just get stressed trying to do it neat enough!!! . Trying to build up your 'toolkit' is a bit trial and error but it can really help with distress tolerance if you manage to find some things that work for you.
It's positive that you can feel yourself starting to become unwell, that in itself is a good skill to have.
Blue GP says I have good insight into my illness. DH is awesome, he looks after me well. He puts up with my mood swings and just gets on with things. At the moment I am working from home, but he still comes home, cooks and cleans and looks after me and my mum who lives in granny annex, and is taxi service to 2DS's.
Just a thought.. you say you don't drink much.... (22:48) .. Your body is struggling to operate because of dehydration. It is no wonder your physical health is deteriorating... and with it your mental health. Do you have an alomost constant headache?
You need to drink a lot more water... I bet your wee is dark yellow if not brown... you need to drink sufficient that you wee quite a lot and it is pale... Also get to the GP and check for UTI... it is all too easy in a woman if you are not drinking enough. If you have an UTI it will make you a bit out of touch with reality...
Itsnoteasy yes my wee is dark yellow and I have cystitis 3xweek. But it is not as easy as "just drink more". Every mouthful is held and my mouth and I have to convince myself to swallow. I have been hospitalised twice and also paramedic called due to very low blood sugar.
OK, you need to work on that.. somehow not sure how.
Consider the alternative is a hospital visit and a saline drip to get fluids into you. I think you need to discuss this with your GP. Alternatively you need help from DH... Ss soon as you begin to get some fluids into you, you will notice an immediate beneficial effect.